Asked to be a Guardian

[littlejosh]

Hello

My hus and I have been asked by his ex to be possible guardians to her other children. Hus own child is 18 and working. I wondered if anyone has experience of this and if so, what issues (eg does the ex have to inform the childrens grandparents etc, are we required to maintain other family relationships and with who) were raised and what was your final decision.

We have talked about:
Location (were in different counties)
Tuition Fees / Education (ex's other children are 5 and 15)
Housing
Financial assistance

We have our own child and hope for another (in the next year or so!)

At the moment my gut reaction is so say no...but want to be able to say we have considered all the options.

Hus and his ex split up over 16 years ago...but have remained cordially...

Should add other childrens father is out of the picture, Im also asking because we want to make sure the ex has the full picture, particularly as some of the family relationships on her side have involved the courts (not my hus!). This is obviously a last resort and what ifs, but we want to be sure of what we might be agreeing to...

Many Thanks

[gillybean2]

I think you have to consider that it's unlikely you will ever be called on to fulfil the guardian role and hopefully it will never happen. But of course you must consider that it is a possibilty. She must also have given this a lot of thought and not just picked you both as the easy option, so she might find it difficult to accept a no response should you decide to do that.
It must also be quite flattering for you and your dh that she has chosen you and must therefore consider that you would care for her dc as she would want them to be brought up, and that means she regards you as good, loving parents.

Have you asked her if something has prompted this? Is she just getting her affairs in order, making a will etc. Or is she worried about her health and something more immediate which may mean this could happen.

Are you saying no because you don't want the responsibilty, or because you don't think financially you can afford it. Who have you chosen as guardians for your own child? How would you feel if they said no without coming and discussing it further with you?

I don't think you can say you have considered all the options without discussing things further with her.

Re financials - does ex have an insurance policy, property or other assets which would be sold to cover the cost of tuiton etc? Have you asked her what her wishes would be in regard to the dc moving to you, staying at same schools etc..?

[littlejosh]

Dear Gillybean2

Thank you for the quick response...

I believe its been prompted by a some events in her own life (not illness that im aware off). Getting affairs in order.

Father of one child has passed away and the other father is in away.

Our main concern is financial because she doesnt own property and we would have to clarify the insurance (it sounds awful to ask about insurance but we know we would have to, but we arent in a position to financially support another two children, long term should it ever happen).

In addition we own our house, but long term it couldnt accomodate another two children.

Your questions about schooling we would need to raise with her...

With our own child, they would go my family and we have made arrangements for this (including financial assistance).

We really are just considering it and then going with a list of questions to discuss with her. TBH we are completely perplexed as to why she raised it with us, as she does have closer firends living nearby who know her circumstances (re other fathers and their families) far better than we do.

[lateatwork]

I would be flattered that she asked. To me it would mean that she respects your parenting skills.

However, I would be wary to take this on. Do you have any sort of relationship with the other two children? If you dont, then from their point of view its a kinda odd choice- and thats what i would be most worried about... how would it work? As DSS is 18, it would be unlikely that he would be around to help 'bond' the family as he may be off working, studying, having a family of his own (remember he will be 32 when the 5 year old will be 18...).

Then of course there is the financial side...

And... dont forget if something should happen to you after you have taken over guardianship, you would also have to find new places for the additional two children as well... would your family be ok with this?