Defeated

[Yums]

Hey all,
Stumbled on to this site and i so wish i had years ago.
My path with my Son is now coming to an end. I guess i just felt i need to vent about how i have reached this point.

For the past 13 years i have not been in the best of health. My Son who is 17 has had a tough ride in life.
He has no control of bowels, an embarrasing problem for him which has led to bullying and severe lack of self esteem. He dropped out of a special needs school because the teacher could not understand why it bothered him that he soiled himself lol?
She gave him a real hard time about that.
After months of fighting and meetings i finally managed to secure home schooling when he was being plowed with laxatives which flooded him off his feet. His teachers still felt he should attend school like that.

I got so upset in one meeting, i proposed to all there we take the same exact medication he was on and meet again after a few weeks to see how we were all coping with daily life. They of course refused my proposal.

He has a total phobia of going outdoors, which has placed a major strain on the family over the years.

Social services i approached in 2008 and its now 2010..they are still leading me down the merry path to nowhere.
His file was passed from pillar to post. Lost count how many different social workers i have met with and how many multi agency meetings i have attended. Yet all end in the bloody obvious to being stated and zero effort being done about it.

How freaking hard is it to assess a childs needs, make a dam decision and act!

A camhs worker was assigned...what a waste of time that has been.
I have begged over the past 12 months for home college for him. We have only just got that started a few weeks ago. They didnt help, i fought for that and went over their heads to get it.

I have begged for a mentor/carer to help get him out and about...we are still waiting.
Social services have refused direct payments as they say they can provide what he needs via them...yet i see NOTHING..not weeks later but months later.

I should say im disabled, i cant get him out and about due to my own disabilities.
I rely on my daughter to be my carer.
She receives no help...no respite. Carers allowance is all.
The stress of all of this has affected my health so badly that i collapsed a few months ago.
It was a real eye opener for me and it made me realise that as much as i love my Son so very much its time to let go.
It breaks my heart to say to the people that have let me and my family down, enough you win.
Tears flooding down my cheeks, i honestly never thought this day would come, but in all reality it has.
Im so angry at the lack of support, this countrys system of bs has disilussioned me so much im leaving my... home, my daughter and my son behind.

Now my family is in crisis...NOW are you going to help???! (social services) the answer i got was no.
My daughter who is now going to raise my Son on her own from mid February onwards will get a massive zero support.

I know in my heart as much as she loves her brother and means well. She is going to feel enormous strain coping with him.
All these years since i fell sick, i have fought to keep my family together, for what?
to end like this.

All the while this young lad needs help!
What is wrong with some of these depts? is it just a case of they dont give a hoot about the vulnerable in society and just collect their pay cheques at the end of the month? or does this crock of crap actually go way higher than that.
Wake the heck up England your systems a disgrace.

Im actually wishing years on to my Son and hope when he turns 18 and the Adult team get his case file on their desks they actually do something, for pitys sake anything.
Or they resign this lad to a life of care.
He is capable of so much more yet this is where he is heading. Im just gutted.

Over the years i have watched news stories about Mothers taking desperate measures.
At the time i could never understand why or what could drive mothers to do such things.
So help me, i understand now.

With a heavy heart i hang my Mum badge up.

[mysisemily]

I am so sorry for you and your family, everything that you have been through fills me with so much sadness. It sounds to me that you have been the best Mum you can be. I joined this website only yesterday & already I feel an enormous weight lifting just knowing that my Mum isn't alone. Hearing other people?s stories does break my heart it also makes me more determined to speak out and not just settle for the crappy service being offered.

Your daughter sounds like a very strong woman and I understand why she wants to help and take full responsibility, I too would do the same thing if anything happened to my Mum. It?s been a hard 27 years and the challenges are endless, it shouldn't be so hard for families to get support but it is like getting blood from a stone. Social workers have failed us so many times and day cares/restbite have thought it?s ok to let male carers change my 27 year old sister ...? She has feelings like any of us and gets very embarrassed, if they don't have the common sense to understand this they shouldn't be in this job?

I wish you well & hope your daughter receives the support she needs with your son.

[doricsue]

Hello Yums, my heart goes out to you, my son is 17 and has aspergers, he has recently been transfered to adult services 6 months before his 18th birthday, while he was under childrens services he had a befreinder for a couple of hours a week through crossroads ( scotland ) i was assured this would carry on when he went to adult services or else i would have never agreed to sign him over until his 18th birthday, guess what, 2 days after i signed the form i got a letter saying that now he was in adult services the befreinder was no longer available, social services are now trying to avoid me and have denied ever saying that the befreinding would continue, i also thought that once he was in adult services that more would be available but in my case the opposite is true, my sons social worker does not return any of my calls so with the help of my sons head of department at college ( special needs department )we are taking the case to her boss and forcing her to face up to her lack of care, my son is now on anxiety medication since his befreinder was taken away, it feels like they want us all so ill and depressed that we are unable to fight but after reading the storys on here i have got a second wind and will scream from the roof tops if i have to, i really hope every thing works out for you and you find a solution. take care.

[WetAugust]

Hello Yums and Doricsue

What you are both having to cope with is quite horrifying.

I', not sure of the situation in Scotland, as it may be different but am familiar with the English system.

Yums - don't hang up your Mum Badge just yet. You'd only be transferring the problems to your daughter. You have more chance of getting help for DS if you remain his carer.

You've both been battleing the system for a long time. I would start afresh and make a request in writing to SS for a formal assessment of of your sons needs and those of yourselves as their carers. The SS must respond to that.

When they had made their assessment challenge it. Raise a formal complaint against the Council stating that needs have not been properly indentified or assessed and you wish to appeal and have a reassessmnet by another Social worker. (If you could afford it you could even commission your own priavte SS report but I appreciate you may not be able to do so).

Continue to complain through all 3 stages of the Council's complaints procedure and then take the matter to the Local Govt Ombudsman.

You must ensure that every communication is in writing.

Sometimes these battles have been going on for mnay years - but on an 'informa' basis. You need to use the system to make it work for you.

Doricsue
If your SS is not returning your calls you must complain. You need to keep a day to day diary of every time you tried to contact them - who you spoke to and what was said. That's your evidence for a complaint. With Aspergers and anxiety he should definitely qualify for Adult Services and have a Community Mental Health Social Worker who will assess his needs and recommend support that you can pay for via an award of direct paymnets.

If the Council will not respond to you then you need to contact your Local Councillor and get him to take up your case.

You probably think I'm stupid to advise starting from scratch but that's what to do. Treat it as the first time and follow through at every stage.

Best wishes

[Davros]

Soc Svs are not allowed to refuse DPs but offer a service instead. If they have assessed need then you are entitled to take the hours assessed in DPs - end of.

[Yums]

Thanks for the replies.
Davros yea i hear what your saying. But here in the town i live, its just not happening.
Example
Social services agreed to providing a mentor for my Son. They refused Direct payments.
Said they had the perfect people in mind to help...guess what? they aint been anywhere near my home.
Months later now, i discover they are being trained. Trained for what exactly? God only knows.
What is making me angry is when they refused direct payments and said "oh we are smart arses, we can provide this service" They actually didnt have the service at all!

All the while i patiently wait, my Son getting older by the day. His problems are more than likely now going to impact him into adult hood. Why? because social services are too slow in implementing much needed services. If they ever do at all.

So i guess i should complain right?
Trust me i have tried. You know what i get told? "oh let us take your son into voluntary care" Erm what? how did it go from me asking for simple things like someone to take my Son out into the fresh air for 30 mins.

All his Drs have now discharged him. Other than long term hospital care, which my Son refuses, no surprise, he is a major hermit afterall. So they say they cant help.

Camhs team, we have not seen for months now.
Family and child unit...we get the odd phone call from a man who is sympathetic but has no idea as to how to help my Son.
Brick wall in every corner.

Sure i can complain. We have and it gets us on to the bus to nowhere.
Leads to more core assesments, more meetings and more empty promises.
Deflated to the point of giving up. Lets look on the bright side though, think of the ££££ they are saving by keeping my family in limbo for all eternity.

[WetAugust]

But are you complaining to the right people?

have you taken your case to your Local Councillor? That can be very effective?

have you used the Local Authority's own formal complaints procedure? A written formal complaint that you aggressively persue through all three stages iof the formal complaints procedure will get answered and if not to your satisfcation you can complain to the Local governemnt Ombudsman.

Are you keeping a day by day diary of all teh converstaions you've had with SS - who you spoke to, when and about what. That's soething that you'll need to evidence your complaint.

I am sure you have complained long and hard but casual converastions and queries to SS is no substitute for a planned, aggressive and well focused campaign of a formal complaint to the right people.

Best wushes

[Yums]

WetAugust thanks for your post.
I tried the formal complaints procedure.
Called the number i was given.
Due to my own disabilities i need the help of an advocate to help me lodge that complaint and follow it all the way through.
My local Council do have such an Officer..she never got back in touch.

I have saved all the official notes that have been made in the meetings i have managed to get to. Mind you i did have to chase down and demand copies of those when they did not arrive in the post as promised.

I have saved all Drs letters, all education letters, everything from start to finish.
In one multi agency meeting (when he still was based at a special needs school) the deputy head attempted to cover her arse.

It was a total rush to say to her "oh?? one moment please i have that letter of what you actually said"
She sat there shifting in her seat "oh its fine! no need to pull that out" SUUUUURE there is :s

I have the physiotherapists reports and letters of not one but two specialists referrals spacing over the last 5 years demanding she treat my Son. He has been classed as a medical emergency since age 12.
I have her response, that due to my Son not being in a wheelchair, she does not think she should be giving him physio and refuses to do so.

I have official notes where apologies have been given to me. But other than "we are sorry"
Nothing is implemented to rectify what they are sorry about...

I also have the official letters of the empty promises made by social services how for example they sat in one meeting in Jan 2010 they assured me that direct payments would be implemented and it was super fast to arrange.
Orly? then why in Jan 2011 are we still sitting waiting?

Lets not forget since that meeting alone, we are now 3 New social workers later. They spent the best part of the last 12 months passing his case from one social worker team to another. Each worker calling, each worker doing a new assesment, each worker walking away with the same conclusion of my sons needs. Yet still nothing implemented.
I have all copies of all those core assesments.

I did take your advice though. Yesterday i called the Camhs team manager and my local councillor.
This morning i have also just spoke to his case worker from child and family unit.

Camhs manager. I have requested a meeting be arranged urgently to discuss my Sons case and their serious lack of duty to care. It will be a Multi agency meeting..fun fun. If it goes anything like the last ones, im not going to build my hopes up for anything constructive coming out of it.

Local councillor. I have requested for him to make a home visit to call and see us.
Im tempted to invite this guy to the multi agency meeting so he can be a witness to the fabulous duty of care in this County.

Child and family unit for the local hospital.
I just finished talking to the guy from there. Seems the new camhs worker does not want to visit my home without a bodyguard.
Im not a violent person, never have been.
She has requested to call out tomorrow morning with the child and family unit worker at her side. The hospital worker found it all rather funny. I however am failing to see the funny side.

Tbh i find this a bit insulting...
I have no idea why she wants to call. Possibly to say hi? Have a cup of tea? Or is it because i stirred the hornets nest yesterday with her Camhs manager.

I was not abusive on the phone to her manager. Calm and very forthright. I simply asked specifics and why they were not being implemented. I also pointed out that i felt due to my Sons age that he was being deliberately allowed to slip through the net.

Of course this was denied. Well from where my family sit thats exactly whats happening here. Possibly until he is 18? or until they hand his case notes over to the Adult services.

My family are obviously concerned im even attempting this again. The last time, at the end of it all i collapsed and was rushed into hospital.
With not being well myself, this run around and standing up to them really drains me.

My answer to concerned family members and friends last night was...
Surely people did not think i would simply walk away without one last ditch effort?
How foolish of them to think that!

This day has been coming for a long long time. Arrangements have all been made for my leaving here. I just have to say my goodbyes.
I realise i not only have to look after my own health but also try my very best in regards to my Son and Daughters well being and future.

The stress as you can imagine is way up there on the scale of 1 to 10.
Who knows whats going to transpire over the next two weeks. I have the depts that have let us down running like headless chickens at the moment...GOOD! so they bloody should be.

[WetAugust]

Hi Yums
It sounds as though you have stirred them into action with the mutli disciplinary meeting now arranged.

can i give you some advice? Don't go on your own. take a family member so they can take notes. If you don't have someone then take a person from Parent Partnership with you.

Try to keep all your correspondence with them in writing = they can claim they haven't got a phone call. Also keep a ay by day diary of who you spoke to and what you were promised.

As soon as they don't deliver then write to the Chief Executive of the Council and ask for it to be treated as a formal complaint and copy that letter to your Local Councillor.

You should invite him to the meeting - that would shake the Council up.

I know it's exhausting but they are banking on you doing nothing and - as you said - for your son to become an adult and no longer their problem.

Is their a disability rights team in your area? The CAB have one and some Councils also have Welfare Rights workers.

Please keep us posted on how you get on as someone here will be able to suggest approaches that have worked for them in the past.

Best wishes

[Yums]

Thx WetAugust.
Update as of whats happened this morning.
The Camhs team worker and the child and family unit worker have just left.

They met with myself and my Son.
I printed out a full breakdown of the things i have managed to fight for and implement in the last 12 months and the progress my Son has made because of my efforts.
I thought it useful to do that...since the Camhs team manager seemed to be still in the year 2009 as to how my Son was doing.
This team whenever i suggest a route to try have always brick walled me. They dont see the point in trying.
So i use initiative and have sought help from other agencies out there with remarkable results that speaks volumes.

From being a total school non attender.
He is now very much involved with an organisation called Nisai.
A home internet college. Trying to get the funding was not easy. But they had a regional rep who fought on my Sons behalf to get funding for him to be able to learn with them.

He simply cant cope with getting out of bed going out that front door and going to a normal college. So if the horse wont come to the water...the water comes to the horse!

Social services took a back seat. They had the belief this lad would not respond to education. What a surprise though? here we are and he is learning. Catching up on months of lost schooling.
I dont care how that happens. The main thing is the more this lad acheives the more it will build his self esteem.

I am now trying to convince them that a mentor to take him out and about is critical.
Its needed to start asap! but there mentors are simply not ready and they are refusing direct payments as to allow me to get it.

This morning they said "oh your Son gets DLA?" Now they want me to use up his DLA and buy in the care/respite etc he and my Daughter need.
...Hold up, i dont mind making a contribution. I do for my own direct payments care package and i am on full DLA due to my disabilities.
She seemed susprised at this and asked who implemented it for me. I told her The Adult disability team.
So im confused..If an Adult can get a direct payment care package and make a contribution towards the cost, why cant a child?
A child has to buy in all of their care/ support with their own disability income lol? whats up with that.
I just know this is total bs what this camhs team are trying to pull on my Son.

Theres another meeting arranged for next Thursday at my home. Next Friday will be the big meeting where they will all call at my home with the Camhs team manager.
After what was said this morning. Him paying for his own care/support after i leave.
To oh we think once you leave he will be better off and improve miraculously on his own...riiiight.

I will tell you all whats going to happen.
Without prompting/support he will stop taking care of his personal cleanliness. He will start to build a tower in his bedroom of all his soiled clothes and he most certainly wont grab his shopping bag to walk on over to the local shop when he is in need of food essentials. His weight which btw is at the point of exploding the scales will rise and he will hermit himself more than ever before. But they are the experts right?
Cant say i aint warned them.

This lad needs support. Its too much of a task for my Daughter to cope with on her own.
She has her own fair share of health problems. One being Joint hypermobility, due to a rare genetic condition. Very painful for her. Why cant they see this? oh we need more of a crisis than me leaving? then so be it.

I agree wetaugust, its not wise to meet these people on my own. Will check my local area for disability rights advisors.

[WetAugust]

Your CAMHS team do sound absolutlely rubbish Yums.

If they have identified the need for a mentor / befriender than that recommendation should be assessed by Social Services for Direct Payment funding.

When they come next time ask them for a full writen report on your son's difficulties and the support they think he requires. Ignore funding - just get that up to date report on what his problems are and what he needs.

With that report you can approach social services and request Direct Payment funding. If / when they refuse you can take the complaint higher.

This is actually probably the worst period in trying to get him help. Once he reaches 18 he'll qualify for support in his own right, as an Adult.

But, hang on in there because despite all the setbcaks you've had in teh past, you'vethem them dancing to your tune now.

Best wishes

[Yums]

Your spot on wetaugust, they are rubbish.

I will ask them for that full report.
You know summer of last year we got so close to direct payments funding. They even invited the direct payments child team to a meeting. It was just a tease though as here we are months later and jack squat.

Few months ago, my Son was sent to see specialist. He made an offer that my Son point blank refused. Long term hospital admission into a special child unit.
My Son is terrifed as you can imagine.
The Dr discharged my Son....
I managed to get the Dr to agree for this offer to remain open, just incase my Son changed his mind.

I told him that i felt it a good idea that his camhs worker and child and family worker could if allowed take my Son to this hospital unit for a few visits to try let him see the beast he was scared of.

The Dr agreed and said he would allow visits to the unit. That was months ago. Other than the child and family worker being in shock at the actual offer...nothing was done about my idea.

Anyways roll on to a few days ago. The Camhs worker had the audacity to sit in my home and say "oh i have spoke with the Dr and i had a brain wave in bed last night and think it would be a good idea to take your Son up to the hospital to let him meet staff and look around" HOLD UP! what the???!

Now i have seen the advert where they say "did you just shake your tic tacs at me" but never have i seen such a blatant pinching of someone elses ideas and displaying them out as your own. Did i just sit there and allow her to waffle on...Nope did i heck!

Im finding it all rather insulting when these professionals do that to me. Truth be told these people dont have the faintest idea on how best to approach my Son. What support will work etc.
These things i have fought for...none of these were their ideas. They were mine.
Yet they brick walled me in meetings for everything from home schooling to home college to mentoring. To a carer specifically to help him with his care needs.

Its alright them saying "oh he has a sister that can do all that for him"
Hmm i wish they would come sit in his sisters shoes for a day.
Its hard work looking after a lad of his age and size. Seriously try to imagine what it was like when he legally had to attend the special needs school and was refusing to go.

He weighed nearly 3 times as much as me, yet they expected her to drag him out of bed..dress him and get him outside into his transport and into school. Lets not forget plow him with laxatives, to the point of when he stood up Diahorea would be running down his legs.

It was distressing for all three of us.
So in one meeting i suggested home schooling.
To stop this strain on my family. They refused! Months later i succesfully managed to secure home schooling. Unfortunately 3 months later and too late as for him to sit his O lvls he officially left education.

Thank Goodness i stumbled onto Nisai. Home college course that will now enable him to gain those O lvls.

oh im waffling on sorry. Im just really bitter about it all.

Update this morning,
I have made several phone calls and also emailed our local councillor.

My local councils website had a supporting peoples team contact number. So i bit the bullet, called them, explained all about my Son and Daughter. She told me that she would call me back. Hour later, i got her call.

She had called the Camhs team..called the child and family worker and also called several organisations that can help the situation.
One of these organisations are now going to be attending next weeks Friday meeting.
Due to my Daughter being under 25 they can help her too.
They offer support/advice/mentors/representation. I believe she said they are called the jigsaw project.
I have never heard of them. Pleased they are coming to next weeks meeting though. The more the merrier! Although i fear we may not have enough seats in our home.

My local councillor also emailed me back to say he would be willing to meet with me at my home and offer w/e advice and support he can. He said he will ring me and arrange.
I so hope this guy attends the meeting.
I want to not only get help for my Son now.
But also to expose the travesty of his case thats been going on this merry go round for seven long hard years.

[WetAugust]

Yums

"..to expose the travesty of his case thats been going on this merry go round for seven long hard years."

That just about sums it up!!

I'm pleased to see you are starting to a get a response.

I really do feel that an up-to-date written report from CAMHS describing his problems and stating what support he requires is the way forward with this.

That gives you the evidence you need to push things further with the SS with regard to Direct Payments etc.

Definitely have someone with you at these meetings - even a neighbour. Someone who can take notes and act as a witness.

Your daughter should say that she's not willing to take on the carer role. That sounds harsh but as long as they see her as a natural replacement for you they will assume she will just take it on without support - and that's very wrong.

I'm glad he is able to access some education. Perhaps when support is finally in place he'll be able to go to a local college.

Definitely tell the Local Councillor the whole sorry tale and remind him that his Authority has a duty to support your son - something that it has so far failed to do.

It's good to hear your progress and it would be great if you continued to update us, so we can suggest ways of overcoming any stumbling blocks you may encounter.

You sound as though you have been re-energised!

keep it up - it will pay rewards.

Best wishes

[pinkorkid]

www.pals.nhs.uk/ patient advice and liaison service should be able to support you in your dealings with camhs chasing up managers on your behalf once you fill them in with the details. You might also be intereseted in this legislation about support for children unable to attend school because of medical needs. He is entitled to a minimum of 5 hours per week home tuition. Here's the link:www.education.gov.uk/publications/standard/publicationDetail/Page1/DFES%200732/2001

hope you manage to keep going with the fight.

[Davros]

Beware though, I've always found PALS useless, I see it as a way to stop you complaining formally. It is worth going via them to tick the box, but be prepared for them to actually DO little.

[Yums]

Well guys and gals we did indeed have that meeting.

I did ask for an up to date report (camhs worker was not amused when i asked for it)

Alot was said in the meeting by all sides.
The conclusion is...
My Daughter will care for my Son with zero support, zero respite support. They will be watched like lab rats by Camhs, who do not intend to lift a finger to ease her struggles.

If she chooses to take a couple of weeks break herself out of her own pocket, they want her to leave her Brother on his own.
That is just crazy and totally negligent to do.
He was present at the meeting and told them when asked that if he was starving and needed to go to the shops for food he would not go out the front door.
It was no surprise his answer to any of us.
He has suffered from major social phobia for years now.

He does not take any due care to his personal hygeine, even when he has soiled.
Their instructions were...She is simply to leave him be go on her break and let him sit in his excrement.

Oh beg ya pardon, they did offer her budget and benefits advice. We explained to them that she knows the households finances, bill paying, budget just as good as me. She does not need such help.

My Daughter listed to them the things she needs support with. They said they much preffered to sit back and watch to see what she will struggle with. I pointed out to them that we know what she struggles with now..I have been doing my very best to support her with those things to the point i myself collapsed and was rushed into hospital.

I did ask the Camhs team where is the promised mentor, yet again they replied that the mentors are not available to start due to being trained I asked yet again for direct payments so we can hire our own help in. They yet again refused for the reason they have a service to offer...
If that service isnt even available and may take several more months to be available, how can they offer what they dont have? i asked. I got No reply. They made a sharp exit shortly after.

The local Councillor called me and asked me to keep him up to date with what happens. He gave me some speech about Government cuts blah blah blah. I dont know if i will bother updating him on whats happened at this meeting. It all seems very pointless to do so.

As for benefits help. Due to being wrongly advised by Connexions it turns out my Son is not entitled to EMA, Child Benefit etc.
Heck he cant even apply for Job seekers allowance, he cant declare he is seeking work when he cant even cope with stepping outside into the garden.

Knowing all of this, Camhs turned to me and said "if your going to leave just leave"
My leaving date is planned for the 25th Feb.

I feel physically sick.

[WetAugust]

Hi Yums

This is very poor indeed.

Firstly I don't think your daughter should step into this role at all. If she does she will just be picking up the burden that you've left.

She should refuse - even though that will be incredibly hard to do.

Write a formal complaint to the Chief Executive at your Local Council. Just put in your letter everything you mentioned in your last post and ask for it to be treated as a formal complaint.

Get son to his GP and get him signed off as unfir for work. He can then claim the benefits he needs to.

have you considered contacting MIND or YoungMinds for advice? They do take on cases.

Best wishes

[Yums]

WetAugust thanks so much for your replies.
Your posts really are giving me some sanity throughout all of this.

We have an appointment this afternoon with the Gp.
I have searched for the young minds web site. Just about to make that call to them.
Thanks for that tip!

Over the weekend me and the kids talked.
We really do feel that Camhs are more of a hinderance than help.
Im not sure what our rights are, all i know is we are on the verge of calling them to say...forget it. Rather than have them treat us like lab rats, just merely being observed.
If we wanted that, we could go and sit in Harrods window ya know what i mean?

I have full parental responsibility and to have these people calling causing distress/ upset not only to me, but my Daughter and more importantly my Son is just not acceptable.
I have worked so hard to get my Son on to that path of progression, i really dont want him to relapse now.
Meetings in my home, like what happened on Friday distress him. He cant cope with it.
Even my Daughter felt the strain. Mid meeting she had to leave the room complaining of chest pains. She got so worked up and frustrated. Its not good for him to see me sitting in tears.
Or his Sister in such a state.
This lad needs stability, calm and reassurance that despite his difficulties he really can get support and more importantly get better.

I keep telling him, it is not him. Not his problems he faces. Never want him to feel like he is the cause of this. We love him very much and will always root for him until the day we die.
and there lays the problem...camhs know this and they are forcing us in to a corner were we simply do not want to go.

I dont think either me or my Daughter could utter the words "take him in to care" the fight for so long now, has always been to support him at home sighs

Oh im rambling sorry. Will get off now and make that call to young minds.

[WetAugust]

If we wanted that, we could go and sit in Harrods window ya know what i mean?


That made me laugh Yums -it's so true.

I still think a formal complaint to the Local Authority Chief Exec is the way forward and to pursue that complaint right to the end.

Hopefully ToungMinds or MIND may have some advice.

Has he had a Carers Assessment undertaken recently by SS and have you / your daughter had one? It's worth getting an up to date one done as that gives you something tangible to argue against for more support.

Bestw wishes

[Yums]

I agree with you WetAugust i do need to do that formal complaint.

I tried Young Minds.
They have no idea how they can help /sigh

I have had an assesment done by the adult disabled ss team. Care package in place for me.

My daughter has had an assesment by the adult team in regards to her carer role. Was awarded a carers grant in regards to her helping me, that will stop when i leave next week.

Due to my Sons age the Adult team cant assess him.
The adult team have requested on 3 separate occasions to the child ss team to place in support for my Son. Since early 2009. They have even attended meetings with me to speak up on my behalf in regard to this.

The child team have passed my Sons file around from social worker to social worker..dept to dept. Assessing him all along the way. Core assesments etc etc.
They promise direct payments they promise mentors they promise the earth and then next thing you know...his case transferred and we are back to square one with a new social worker and new assesments.

Finally last summer he was transferred to the Camhs team. 2 workers from that team have now assesed him. Both agreeing he does need support (mentor etc) putting in place..then last Friday the same two workers sat in my home and said he will get nothing other than their visits.
Feels like the freaking twilight zone.
One step forward towards securing help for this young lad then two steps back.

The only time help was ever in place for him was when i took a respite break last year.
My Daughter and son were given my care package hours..my carer and managed great.

Lot of behind the scenes talks were made with the child Social services team and my SS adult team to get that package allowable to be used for that purpose.

Turns out that was a once in a life time offer and is not going to be put in place again once i go. Make sense why it cant be put in place now that im leaving permanently?... nope.

The Camhs team just sit there with mouths open when we point that little fact to them.
How can Social services implement a care package then, when my Daughter was on her own with my Son, but not now. The mind boggles.

[Yums]

Quick update...
I have decided to pursue an official complaint.
My local council have a complaints services manager. I discovered they can help me compile a complaint.
After a very lengthy phone call there is now going to be a full investigation in to whats happened since 2008 in regard to how we feel let down by social services. Specifically in regard to my Son.

Obviously my families case is extensive.
Adult social services have begged on several occasions for the child team to support my Son. They have warned them the strain was too much for me and my Daughter.

Thats all on record, all the meetings are on record. Promised mentor on record.
This lady now has to pull our files out and contact several people that have been involved. She has promised to call me back on Friday this week.

She also said she wants a full explanation from camhs on what they said to us on Friday.
She agrees with me that the suggestion by camhs to my daughter of leaving my Son who is classed as vulnerable on his own knowing that he cant take care of his basic needs is indeed neglect.

I also nominated my Daughter to carry this complaint all the way to a satisfactory end.

Time to pay the piper? lets hope so.

[WetAugust]

I hope so too Yums. This needs urgent resolution.

Make sure they treat it as a formal complaint so you can keep escalating it if they try to fob you off. Eventually the complaint can be made to the LGO who will investigate maladmisitration - and failing to acknowledge your son's plight and making promises that don't materialise is maladministration.

is that why you are 'going'? To try to get the adult care package awarded to your daughter again? Something they say they will not so? Is there any way you could steel yourself to stay and have that one last crack at them?

Going isn't really fair on your daughter, your son or yourself.

Take care

[Yums]

WetAugust, the lady asked me to give her a few days, until today to investigate.
If im not satisfied, i know i can take it further, she will help me with that.

Im going because i simply cant take all the stress anymore. Its making my health worse.

The Adult team have warned the child team to act on several occasions. My health records were even passed onto them with my permission by the Adult team. So as to help them fully understand how critical this is.

Im just trying to do what i have fought always to do. Get help and support for my Son.

I feel like he is slipping through the net.
So two reasons why im leaving. One to try save myself, before i get to the point of no return in regards to my health.
Also to get my Sons needs noticed. I realise its a long shot the latter reason.
But heck he is so worth it.

Im in a corner here. Im damned if i do and damned if i dont...Just gutted.

[WetAugust]

Hopefully you'll get a quick response fromthe lady whose supposed to be helping with the complaint.

Make sute that you do everything in writing. That creates an evidence trail.

And evry time they said "No" don't give up - just keep escalting it to the next level.

Best wishes