Am I Being UNREASONABLE ... To Be FURIOUS That My 16yr Old Son Has Given An "ONLINE FRIEND" His TWITTER Password??? Or Am I Overreacting?

[MrsForgetful]

he has a form of Autism (Aspergers Syndrome) so he struggles with all 'social skills' and is extremely 'naive/trusting' ...and i had thought that at least with 'online' friends he 'had friends'...as he struggles with 'real life friends'.

the problem....

He has never met this person...and apparently he had been having so many rants on there lately.... so he gave this 'supposedly 16yr old girl' his password...asked her to change it so he cannot post on twitter... until 'they mutually agree' and then she will tell him the new password...so he can resume twittering.

HE insists this is NOT irrisponsible behaviour and that I am being PARANOID... and that SHE is NOT a PAEDOPHILE etc.....He says it's not like he gave her his bank details or anything.

I then pointed out that she could post 'pretending to be him' and there is nothing he can do about what she says etc....And she may never 'let him back on twitter'

I just cannot see why he didn't just close that account and start a new one....


Now...i don't know what to think...as i am worried what other info he'd be persuaded to hand over.

I am also aware that i am OVER PROTECTIVE and that THERE are SOME genuine FRIENDSHIPS that start out ONLINE....and that NOT every person saying they are a 16yr old teen...are infact 50yr oldsready to pounc and groom the next teen that is 'having a tough time at home'

[kimiasol]

Mother of love.

[Al1son]

This is the sort of thing I worry about too. My DD (13) also has AS and is also very trusting. I have tried very hard to give her very clear rules about passwords and also about what she can tell other people. She does tend to keep to rules very well but I know there'll be loopholes I haven't thought of. It's scary to think of who might be out there looking for an opportunity. I find it even scarier thinking about her being an adult and me not being able to give her even these basic guidelines.

I've not really done twitter so can't offer any advice, sorry.

[CurlyWurly365]

Hi MrsForgetful

I'm new to Mumsnet and have just read your post and it really struck a cord with me as I've been in a similar discussion/argument with my son this evening about facebook! I also wondered whether I had over-reacted. I personally don't think you over-reacted. I think too many young people are unaware of the dangers that may be lurking on the internet and social networking sites. And if its for the safety of your child is it ever over-reacting? I had an incident a while ago with my son's XBox Live account, it was apparently 'hacked' and I ended up having more than £150 stolen from my bank account!

I'm currently waiting for a diagnosis for my son, 13, but the paediatrician has said she thinks he has a Social Communication Disorder, probably Asperger's. As he's 13 I find it hard to know whether some of the behaviour is just because he's a teenager or because of Asperger's. With the XBox situation, he couldn't remember whether he'd given out his password or not. As he seems to lie a lot as well, its hard to know if he's lying to get out of trouble or genuinely doesn't remember or understand.

I'd appreciate knowing if any of this is similar to your experiences of having a teenage son with Aspergers as I feel really unsure of what I'm dealing with at the moment and how best to deal with it. Thanks

[CurlyWurly365]

Thanks for your reply MaryZ :) I will follow you over to teens but thought I ought to reply to this first :)


Its nice just to be able to talk to someone experiencing similar issues. I've known that there was something wrong for years but getting someone to take that seriously and move towards a diagnosis has certainly been an uphill struggle. I'm a single parent too so I think Mumsnet will be invaluable to get opinions on those issues that you would normally talk through with a partner!

The more I've read about the autistic spectrum, since knowing this was a possibility, emphasises the importance of an early diagnosis, which is frustrating as we didn't have one! so any advise you can offer on dealing with an AS teen would be much appreciated!

I hadn't given him my bank numbers etc. Unfortunately to be able to sign up to use XBox Live, I had to enter my details. I agree with what you said about if a friend 'needed' something. I think my son is very trusting and quite naive in some ways but then in others can be incredibly mature so you never quite know what you're dealing with. I want to teach him and make sure he's safe but as he's a teenager now I don't want to patronise him.

I agree about the lying too. I'm not sure he knows what is the truth and what isn't sometimes. If I question something he's said, he will then deny he said it or say that he meant the complete opposite. It's very confusing!

Sorry, possibly on a bit of a rant there but its nice to offload! Did you find that you got much help once you had a diagnosis for your son?

Thanks :)

[CurlyWurly365]

I've just read through your reply with my DS who has just come to see me for a hug :) he said what you've written describes exactly how he feels! So thank you very much, I feel like it has given us a bit of a break through and will help us talk and help me understand him better. Fortunately, my DS does want help and is willing to work hard. He started a new school nearly a year ago after a horrendous time at his previous school and no understanding . His new school have been amazing so far and DS has grabbed the opportunity with both hands and worked hard to turn things around.

I'm so sorry to hear that things have been so tough for you. Cannibis can ruin the lives of so many people but I can imagine that for an AS teen it can be even more distructive :( I hope things are improving for you now. Have you ever looked into CBT? I don't know whether it would be appropriate but thought it was worth mentioning.

I've started a new thread in teens so feel free to join me there! In the meantime, thanks again for your comments and I know I'm not really able to offer much advice, but if you would ever like to offload, CurlyWurly will listen :)