How honest/upfront are you about your child's sn/disability?

[Blossomhill]

I have always been open about dd's sn as I feel that it's not her fault and it does make life easier if I explain (obviously I don't broadcast the fact either!).
I am not sure how common this is as I know quite a lot of people on the "sn circuit" where I live who will only say something if they have to.
By this I mean if you are in a shoeshop etc As dd plays up in shoeshops I do tend to say she has sn and it makes life easier all round.

[Jimjams]

well now ds1 has started sniffing/grabbing strangers I find we don't have much choice.

[Blossomhill]

Sorry jimjmas but you do make me laugh
I know it's not funny but ykwim

[Jimjams]

Good

Actually the grabbing thing is a problem- it's like pressing doorbells I never know when he's going to do it.

[onlyjoking9329]

sometimes ineed to explain, but never so the kids hear! sometimes like jimjams i don't need to! the ballpool incident for instance, i can giggle about that one now but not at the time

[Dingle]

I suppose I am lucky in the fact that I don't have to "point out" Amelia's disability as most people would recognise the fact. On the other hand she draws attention even when she is behaving like a little angel. Most of the time this attention is OK and I will use it in a positive way, at other times I still feel we need to carry a banner, ready to flap in front of those people who just stare.

[MandM]

I am getting more upfront about it as she gets older.

I think this is mainly down to two reasons 1) I am more 'used' to the whole idea and more resigned to/comfortable with the fact& 2) it gets harder to 'hide' IYKWIM. When children are babies/toddlers they are unpredictable and cute anyway. As dd gets older, many of her behaviours (and her speech in particular) are not at all age appropriate so I would rather people have their facts right rather than having to come to their own (inevitably wrong) conclusions.

I have to admit that if you had asked me this question 2 years ago I wouldn't have been able to hear you because of the huge rock underneath which I was hiding!

[Fio2]

agree with mandM

It is obvious and even if it isnt initially after she said has said hello to you -the complete stranger- for the one hundreth time it is def obvious


I must admit it must be more difficult for you blossomhill as it isnt as 'obvious' iykwim

[MandM]

Oh my God Fio - sounds like our dds could be twins! DD says 'hello' to everybody and when I say everybody I mean everybody! At least she's progressed from 'hiya' to 'hello' though!

[Fio2]

they may well be twins MandM! actually Williams syndrome is something i have wondered about (as is most things!) as she still has no diagnosis

[MandM]

Fio - you've probably answered these questions a million time on here, so sorry if you have. Have you seen a genetic counsellor? To those in the know, I think WS is a fairly obvious syndrome IYKWIM.
Also, I know that you can get the ante-natal FISH test done privately for about £60, so I'm presuming that the same could be arranged for a child of whatever age. As far as I know it is 100% certain.

[coppertop]

I usually only mention ds1's ASD if I feel that people need to know. I've had a few experiences where once people have found out that ds1 is autistic they started speaking loudly and slowly to him and treated him as though he was completely stupid. A bit like the silly b*ggers who find out that I'm deaf and then feel the need to shout everything.

Ds2 is still at an age where people put everything down to him going through the terrible twos so I don't get as many stares. No doubt that will change as he gets older and bigger.

[lou33]

ds2 is obviously disabled, so it's only the brave or stupid who ask what's up with him, and depending on which category they fall into will depend on my answer.

i find it interesting how people seem to find it hard to mention certain words. Out the other day, and some chap was saying he had seen us all en famille when live 8 was on, and was saying what a fantatsic son we had. We said which one, having 2 of them, and he literally couldn't bring himself to say the one in the wheelchair, i had to say the word for him.

[Blossomhill]

I do apologise for the stupid title of this as with some children it is obvious they have a disability/sn.

So really sorry as I didn't mean to come across as insensitive at all

[lou33]

didn't find it insensitive here

[Fio2]

me neither, what are you on BH? insecure blossomhill juice?

[Saker]

I find myself the opposite - too keen to tell people. Not because I want to go on about it, just to get it out of the way so there is no feeling that I am hiding something. Not so much with complete strangers but anyone I know e.g. an acquaintance I haven't seen for a bit or something, I just want them to know so we can move on. I also tend to say in places like shoe shops so people understand why I'm not reacting to "bad" behaviour in a normal way.

[sparklymieow]

Its obvious with DS when he si wearimg shorts or in his wheelchair and if you stood and watched him you would realised he is disabled.

[macwoozy]

I wish I had the confidence to be able to turn round to a stranger and explain that my ds's behaviour is down to his autism, because I am getting so fed up with their snide remarks and hurtful looks. Only yesterday, in a packed pub garden he hit other children 3 times in no more than 30 minutes. Instead of explaining to the other child's parent of his SN, I just hurriedly said my apologies and pulled him away with him screaming. I felt so pathetic.

[Blossomhill]

Just a bit fio

Not very happy atm. Just want to jump on a plane for a while

[sparklymieow]

Someone asked me today at the sport day what was up with DS' legs as he had his splints on, I just said 'cerebral palsy' and the bloke wnet 'right!'

[maddiemo]

All my close frineds know but I wouldn't tell people that are more casual friends unless they needed to know.

I will tell shoe shop staff etc if he doesn't respond to them, although I usually say learning difficulties rather than autism. Actually the staff in my local clarks seem very intuitive and just know.

[Blossomhill]

A very good friend of mine whose son has moderate autism has had a t-shirt printed that says "I am not naughty, I am autistic!!!"

Not sure if I would do it personally but when someone threatened her after her ds hit there child she said she had no choice!

[maddiemo]

My friend had a T shirt made for her non verbal autistic son which said "Blame the Parents". It certainly got attention

[JakB]

Friends and family know everything (probably sick of me going on about it- the wonderful things as well as the difficult parts). Strangers in parks- I let them stare and say nothing. But certainly, if DD goes into sniffing mode I may explain!

[PeachyClair]

sam wears a badge saying 'This si autism, I am doing the best I can' and I have a pen I use everywhere that says @I love somebody with autism'.

Dont know if it makes any fifference to the ignorant sods staring at him when he flaps in Asda, but makes me feel better.