What if I am wrong? (quite long)

[toobusymum]

Hi I am looking for some advice. I have just had a phone call inviting ds (7 next week) for a physio and occupational therapy assessment to assess for dyspraxia. Ds has always had problems with hearing and was provided with hearing aids 18 months ago, however he still seemed to have problems which alerted me to the fact that there may be some other issue ie. auditory prosessing disorder and dyspraxia. I first mentioned this to the school at the beginning of September, and have expressed concerns on a semi regular basis since. His audiologist, paediatrician and hearing advisory have all agreed that this could be the problem. However, the school insist there is nothing wrong. His teacher says he is lazy, and his headteacher believes that he is using every delaying tactic in the book so that he does not have to work, for instance taking an inordinately long time over changing for PE, faffing over doing up buttons, not concentrating in class, not following instructions, taking too long to go to the loo, etc... I am also a bit worried that he is displaying more and more autistic/aspergers traits, but this is- according to the head - because I am looking for them. Anyway, my worry is, what if I get to the assessment on Tuesday, and they say the school is right, there is nothing wrong with ds that some good discipline and a less fussy mother won't put right? Sorry this is a bit rambling, but I do think I am right, and I just feel that I may have a battle on my hands with the school to convince them.

[BriocheDoree]

Sorry to hear about this. I guess you must just go to the assessment and find out. Either way you will probably be reassured: either your son has got a problem, in which case you are better off knowing and getting the help, or he hasn't, in which case you need to address why he's having problems concentrating, etc. Either way, I'm sure he's not LAZY. What a really unhelpful attitude your school has! Even if his issues don't have a neurological basis, what right to they have to say that! They ought to be working with you to try to help him and motivate him. I mean, we all worry about our kids and want them to do well in school, whether they are SN or not. I hope you get some good advice / answers on Tuesday and manage to bring the school round!

[toobusymum]

I will be happy to know either way really so that we have something to work with. I KNOW he isn't lazy though, and he seems quite bright so school isn't motivating him at all at the mo. However both dds have been to that school and had no problems. They like a 'wait and see' approach to special needs I think, to see if the kids grow out of it! Thank you both for your replies: it's good to feel reassured that I am not neurotic mother no.1, and also that there are others in the same boat.

[allytjd]

What an awful headmaster!, its a mother's job to look out for problems her child may have, no-one else is going to do it for you in my experience, certainly not school staff and HV's! Children who are struggling need fussy mothers, don't feel guilty, I feel bad that I did not make more of a fuss about DS1 and his problems at school. DS2 has had problems too, v.similar to your son, getting help has made a difference to his well being at school, BUT the first ED- Phsych said he had sensory problems and he was given a special cushion to sit on and that was that, it took me going to the HV and the GP and the arrival of a new EDphysch to get him a working diagnosis of mild Asperger's.
Even if you are told that he does not have a problem you do not have to accept the first version, it is very difficult to get a DX right with kids who are at the mild end of any spectrum and health proffesionals are sometimes wrong and teachers are very likely to be wrong unless they have recent direct experience. You are the expert in your child, trust yourself!

[toobusymum]

Just to let you know, Ds had his phsyio and occupational therapy assesmnents today. Came up with quite a few strategies for him for fine and gross motor skills, and although they seemed a bit reluctant to put a 'label' on it, did say he has a 'developmental coordination disorder' ie. dyspraxia. They want to see him again in three months, this time with the TA from his class. Is that normal?

[expatinscotland]

His teacher says he is lazy, and his headteacher believes that he is using every delaying tactic in the book so that he does not have to work, for instance taking an inordinately long time over changing for PE, faffing over doing up buttons, not concentrating in class, not following instructions, taking too long to go to the loo, etc...

Wow, what a great attitude this teacher has towards a little kid!

Sounds a lot like the teacher at the local school where my daughter, who is diagnosed dyspraxic (yes, it's called developmental coordination disorder in the US), was supposed to go. Needless to say, she won't be going there because I don't have patience or time for so-called professionals with an attitude like that towards young kids.

His symptoms sound a lot like my daughter's behaviour.

Something a lot of us here have learned is that you have to fight for EVERYTHING when it comes to care for your child's needs, and I think waiting 3 months is too long.

I'd call them up and see why they wanted to wait so long.

Also, some support needs to be in place for when he returns from school. You may need to push for it.

Glad you found us!

[MsDemeanor]

DCD is dsypraxia - same thing. Horrible headmaster! This is exactly the sort of thing that makes life so difficult for dyspraxic children. Thank goodness he has a lovely, clued-up mummy! I would say you need to have a occupational therapist go into the school to show them how to handle your ds better.
I feel very, very cross about the 'lazy' comments. Would they call a blind child who bumped into things 'clumsy'?

[expatinscotland]

people with DCD/dyspraxia do process sensory information, particularly visual information, differently.

SOME dyspraxic people display ASD or spectrummy traits, some have both conditions, but some display behaviour like this as a result of their condition and are not ASD or on the spectrum - they may be frustrated or stressed because their bodies cannot carry out what their brain tells them to do in a smooth fashion, or because of pressure put on them by others.

my daughter tends to panic when she is put under pressure, because she doesn't have the motor skills mature enough to perform certain tasks as well as another child her age. other children lash out or tantrum.

your child may need a support worker and/or a statement for school.

i would suggest seeing your GP for a referral to another paed and let them know you need someone to be proactive about this.

NOW, whilst your child is young.

you can also apply for DLA for him.

[expatinscotland]

my daughter also has trouble with prioperception and spatial awareness of 3d objects and with sequencing, which makes taking instructions and/or performing tasks in sequence trickier for her than for others.

but not impossible.

and what she and your child need is someone who sees it as just that, something to be worked round - there are plenty of strategies for this - not an impossible to surmount obstacle, least of all one that a child is deliberately putting up.

[MsDemeanor]

Yes, my ds has dyspraxia and aspergers and we have just got dla for him. It's quite comforting you know, when they lose clothes, break things, forget things and get upset that at least they have a diagnosis and you can afford to replace their PE kit!
But agree 100% with Expat - it's not deliberate and they do need understanding from their school. It's a complex disorder. I have traits of it, ds is worse.

[toobusymum]

"Glad you found us!"

I am glad I found you too!

MsDemeanor, expat, thank you for your helpful comments. Ds _does display certain ASD characteristics, more so when he is feeling stressed. I have a brill paed who refferred him for the assessments as the school wanted to drag their feet over the issue. We applied for DLA but didn't get anything, that was about 8-9 months ago.

[expatinscotland]

Appeal, toobusy! Especially because DCD is considered a diagnoses.

Let your paed and/or GP know you were denied and get them on board to help.

Your child deserves this.

I've found I have to be really proactive with some aspects of DD1's treatment and have to phone/chase up certain elements.

Right now, she's being retained at age and although she turned 5 a little over a week ago, she'll be hopefully spending an additional year at a private nursery with an SEN unit attached so she can get more treatment in house.

I'm still researching this and how to help DD1 and try to understand how my thoughtful, empathetic, beautiful little girl sees the world.

this I found helpful.

This board is excellent, too.

I think something all of us SN parents have in common is that sometimes, times are hard. There are tears, there is frustration, there are highlights and lowlights and this is a place where people won't tut tut but can understand, no matter what their child's condition is.