ds with acquired brain injury has meltdown everyday on way home from school and it takes him an hour to recover

[mindfulmama]

He is v sweet and in mainstream, and was easygoing and relaxed before the injury , which occurred post-operatively when he was 7. He is now 10 and I think it is starting to impact more on his learning and the effort required to survive a day a school, even though he loves it and is doing well exceptin Maths. He is alway trying to control himself, but gets so angry and irrational for that 1 1/2 hrs and it upsets him and the other dc. I have taught him to try to distaract himself and use calming methods like tense/rlax, breathing etc but even so he can't calm down for ages and he scares himself and then eventually sobs for ages. Which is hard cos he is so stoical about other stuff. We have made a feelings file which he can use, but not till afterwards, but today he said it was because of the noise at school that he couldn't take anymore. it is so sad to see. i just wondered if anyone out ther had any tips really. He si so lovely and brave and sweet and creative but this new pattern is a bit disconcerting. He won't drink or eat until he is calm, even though I am sure he is exhasuted and in nned of a snack. HELP!!!!

[Seuss]

It must be really draining for him to get through the day - most kids find it hard enough anyway. I know I have to walk on egg-shells till bath-time! Does he have opportunities to take time-out during the day - somewhere to sit quietly for 10minutes? Does the meltdown start immediately he comes out of school or could you sneak a snack and a drink in before?

[ouryve]

I'll second the snack and drink idea - I always have a drink and a biccie waiting for DS1 the moment I pick him up and it does help him make the transition without crashing so often.

I'm also wondering if your DS finds music soothing. Maybe, if the school are happy with him having it, listening to some music on an MP3 player at chucking out time might help him to filter out all the hubbub.

[MsDemeanor]

Poor chap and poor you. Hunger always triggers irrational fury in my ds who has aspergers. Also, maybe your ds is starting to experience the first hormonal shifts of puberty or a growth spurt which might be impacting on his behaviour?
Second the drink and snack at school pick up time. Can make a big difference.

[mindfulmama]

I am going to zap him the moment he gets out of the school door , with Lucozade sport as he l,oves it and it is ususally only used when he needs a quick fluid/sugar fix, maybe that will help... he won't take any snacks... perhaps cos I only offer healthy things??!!! We have dietary and fluid balance issues and 2 other dc who are v close in age. But perhaps even they could have a biscuit with no harm done! Maybe its also the heat and end of term-itis where all the routines are changed? we jhave had a real heart to haeart this morning an dhe is desperate to get it riught tonight, even tho I haven't put pressure on. Thanks for the support, I iwll let you know how today goes.

[Davros]

Oh yes, agree with the food and music ideas. A little Ipod Shuffle to plug into on the way home works wonders for my DS.

[mindfulmama]

Good plan about the music too. Will look into that, could be a great transition thing and so cool too!!!

[Yummymum1]

Hi mindfulmama,my ds is 7 and has as and he finds the noise at school and on the school bus quite trying at times too.He has an ipod which he takes to school to use when he finds things a bit much.

He also uses it at night when trying to unwind to go to sleep.We find it really works and he loves it!

[Seuss]

Good luck for later! You've got a point about the end of term-itis - my ds gets stressed more easily towards the end of term, when it gets to about now I feel like we are just dragging ourselves through the week til the holidays! Heat doesn't help either does it - especially since my ds refuses to take his jumper off!

[MsDemeanor]

I find a biscuit, peanut butter sandwich or flapjack is quite a good way of giving an instant hit to ward off blood sugar lows while being OK as part of a decent diet.

[magso]

Agree with the others really. Ds (LD/ASD)used to 'loose it' at school collection when he was in ms (infants). I found a comforting drink (eg diluted juice), and finger snacks (carrot sticks, french bread, cheese dippers, cut fruit- easy to eat but requiring a little concentration) and a sit down (before walking home) helped - and avoided the noisy rush of the other children. I car collected at the worst times so he could relax in the quiet and safety of the car.
Good luck.

[KarenThirl]

Ds has 20 mins when he gets home, just chilling. Sometimes he'll play on the computer, or watch tv, or fiddle with Lego or just read - anything to switch him off from the rigours of the day.

One thing that really helps him is a swim after school when the pool is quiet. He's like a different person on the days we do that.

[mindfulmama]

Well I did the sport drink and immediate snack, which seemed to work for a start, but then we had a delayed start to the meltdown! however it was shorter and he recovered better, so maybe it is a start. You are all so supportive, it is good to know that it is not so unusual.. its just so not like him. BUT I reckon it is exhaustion as much as anything. Thank you though. We will sort the music at the w/e...

[MsDemeanor]

I find ds is often better if he goes into the garden for a bit of a bounce on the trampoline. Seems to help calm him down and work off any tension.

[Davros]

Glad to hear you are making progress Mindfulmama. I think the Ipod/MP3 is a great idea as it is their "own" iyswim. It is their refuge, no stress about being asked questions about school and interacted with! Also think a bit of bouncing is always a good idea or use a big exercise ball if you haven't got room for big trampoline. My DS also likes his rocking chair.

[mindfulmama]

THank you kind people. Today we had a sport drink as we walked home with the other two scooting ahead, so it was quieter. THen I could see he was heading off to frazzle so we gotr an old telephone book and I let him rip it up and make it snow all over the room!! Then I buried him in all the shreddings. He laughed and laughed,albeit slightly manically but I think it was a good release. He can never bounce first thing as he is too wound up to even go outside alone. He jhas just gone to bed very happy, no meltdown and even spent time telling me his worries about yr 6 and high school ( I reckon this was the big underlying issue.) We had lots of cuddles and he said thank you for me having ideas to help himn again, bless him!
I know it is only a day but I think it is a start.... thank you for your help.

[Seuss]

Great news! Hopefully now he's shared some of his worries he will be a bit lessed stressed. Thanking you for helping him is so sweet and hopefully he might come up with a few ideas himself! Remeber not to panic if tomorrow isn't so great tho - at least you both know now that you can head these things off a the pass!

[ouryve]

I'm glad you're finding things that help, mindfulmama.

[magso]

Your son sounds lovely!

[mindfulmama]

He really is. Lots more talk today and more melting ... but we will get there! Thank you everyone. I think part of it is that he puts 110% effort into everything he does and finds it hard to really slow down until he is asleep. We will just keep on with all the strategies until he can manage again. I think also it has been hard becos he was NEVER like this before the brain damage occurred. But that is for us to grieve about quietly, whilst loving him so much and accepting him how he is now.

[Davros]

There is a book you might find useful called "When My Autism Gets Too Big For Me", available from NAS. I know he doesn't have autism but I think a lot of the strategies might help.

[mindfulmama]

thank you . will get that..