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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

SN children

MN Jury - is my mum barking or am I mean?

20 replies

Cappuccino · 04/10/2007 17:25

mum has arranged the possibility of taking dd1 ice-skating

dd1 (7) walks with a walking frame - she has been ice-skating once, last winter, hasn't really mentioned it since. She went in her wheelchair with me pushing me, but said to my mother later "I would have liked to have done it on my legs". This really touched my mother and she has come up with a whole load of crackpot schemes, such as suggesting taking her rollerskating and pulling her between us.

I think it is better that dd gets to do things that she can do eg riding her special trike, swimming rather than get to do something just once that is really difficult

I really think it is more my mum wanting to do it than dd

anyway she has talked to an ice rink and come up with a scheme to take her in a harness with two instructors but it would mean her missing half a morning of school

I don't want her to miss school. I don't like her missing school. I have already arranged for her to miss a very rare day that week because there is a disability sport day locally that I think it would be nice for her to go to, with other disabled children doing things tailored to their needs

but I also think part of me wants to say no because I think it is my mother's agenda and not hers

mum is great with her btw and completely 'gets it' (usually) she's not in denial or anything

wise mumsnetters

we are at your mercy

OP posts:

Report

dustystar · 04/10/2007 17:28

What does dd think of the idea? If she'd like to go then I think it would be a shame to put a stop to it but if she's not keen then you have a good reason to tell your mum its not on.

I can see what you mean about it being more about your Mum than dd but if dd has fun does that really matter?

Cappuccino · 04/10/2007 17:30

if we tell dd she will want to go

if we told dd we were going to throw her off the top of a cliff as a treat she would get excited

the word 'treat' or 'grandma' or 'trip' would trigger it

OP posts:

dustystar · 04/10/2007 17:35

Fair enough

It sounds like your Mum is very supportive though and she may be hurt if you tell her she can't do this after she has put so much effort into it. I'm not saying that is reason enough to let her take dd but its a consideration.

Perhaps you could let her do this and then have a talk with her about planning more realistic activities to do with dd in the future.

dustystar · 04/10/2007 17:36

Oh and to plan them for a weekend so that dd doesn't miss school.

Cappuccino · 04/10/2007 17:41

no they can't do it at a weekend

or in half term

cos it would mean doing it when they were shut

OP posts:

dustystar · 04/10/2007 17:54

I meant another activity not the iceskating

needmorecoffee · 04/10/2007 18:43

I don't know if your mum is in denial or not but I think it should be up to dd. There's no reason a disabled child shouldn't do anything they can if there's enough support. My dd (severe quad CP) has been canoeing so far and to a rock concert. She likes speed so we've also propped her ina go-kart and zoomed round a track. She would never experience anything if we restricted her to what she 'can' do because she can't do anything, even hold her head up. They might turn out to be one off's but I try to include her in everything.
I wish my MIL would even acknowledge my dd so I do applaud what your mother is trying to do. It might work out and be fun. It might be terrible.
Sorry to disagree but I think its a fab idea as long as your dd wants to do it.
And school will always be there. Having fun with family is more important imo.

Cappuccino · 04/10/2007 18:53

oh needmorecoffee she does loads of stuff we don't restrict her

we've taken her to do all kinds of stuff

but she has never asked ever again to do this and my mother has become obsessed by skates

OP posts:

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 04/10/2007 18:59

sound a bit "odd" to me and not something I would want done to my dd.
has she thought about skiing as the can actually do it. not sure how. but my freinds sun goes on a dry ski slope.
dd has been ice skating in her wheelchair.and really enjoyed it.

minorityrules · 04/10/2007 19:01

My dd loves ie skating even though she needs 2 people to hold her up or just hangs on to the side for dear life (walks unaided but very wobbly and uses wheelchair on long/tired/lazy days)

She loves to do things that she isn't able to do and wants to cos she can't (iyswim)

I'd let her go, your mum has gone to a lot of effort, the rink sounds up for it, she said she enjoyed it last time but would like to try it on legs. One morning off school isn't going to hinder her education for ever and the rink won't be hugely busy, they might even let her try on her frame

I'd might find out if our rink does it, be nice not to break my back holding dd up!

needmorecoffee · 04/10/2007 19:38

Hi Cappucino. I'm guessing you might be worried about what is going on in your mother's head? Like denial or maybe thinking your daughter can do things she can't?
As long as your daughter is happy and doesn't feel pressured by her Gran then maybe take a chance but keep an eye on whatever is done.
The only similar thing I can think of is when my mum didn't believe my Aspie son was petrified of dogs however many times I told her. My mum had 9 dogs at the time (she likes dogs). So she picked him up from where he was cowering on the kitchen side (he was 6) and plopped him down in the pack. I was aboslutely furious. She thought he was 'amking it up' and didn't believe Aspergers existed. That he was being difficult.
Sigh

CappuScreamO · 07/10/2007 16:27

oh crap

I say yes but say I felt unhappy it is happening during school time

I get a snotty email AN EMAIL ffs saying she is cancelling it because i have stripped the occasion of all joy

god I hate it when she does this martyr act

when I was a teenager she used to leave notes on my bedroom door telling me how disappointed she was about something or other

CappuScreamO · 07/10/2007 16:31

oh come on

someone come and listen to me moan

FluffyMummy123 · 07/10/2007 16:38

Message withdrawn

CappuScreamO · 07/10/2007 16:40

she is making me feel guilty

now it all about her

she says "I would have no pleasure in the activity"

thought it was meant to be treat for dd not her

FluffyMummy123 · 07/10/2007 16:41

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 07/10/2007 16:41

Message withdrawn

CappuScreamO · 07/10/2007 16:41

oh hell no

she stews for years

there are still Elephants in the Room from 1991 (no joke)

CappuScreamO · 07/10/2007 16:44

it says 'let this email be the end of the matter I don't want to discuss it'

oh no

she will hold onto this till the grave

there is no end of the matter with my mother

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 07/10/2007 17:02

but your the mum you know you have done the right thing.

Flip

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