ASD: Fears and handling them? Help!!

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Dd is 10 and has HFA (as do I) and we've had a terrible morning over Xmas Jumpers. She has a 'fear' of 2D or fake faces. She has once managed to explain that she feels sorry for them squashed into 2D when they should be 3D if that makes sense.
She has meltdowns when confronted with them (teaching aids, ICT, t shirts etc) and any attempt by school to help has resulted in it getting worse.
Has anyone had any success in dealing with this kind of thing? I have my own set of fears and anxieties which tbh seem untreatable but they're less obstructive to daily life. I am at a loss how to improve this for her.
Any experiences would be very gratefully received.

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Thanks z. I haven't had any success with things like CBT so I suppose I discounted that. Perhaps I should revisit it for her. It's so tricky in case it makes it worse.

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

That's a really kind response :) Yes I suppose she doesn't feel off at home and my social genius ds is the more baffling one generally!
Managing all the triggers and aversion is a right old art. Clothes, food etc Chuck mine in too and it's fun times chez Giddy.

[TheOtherMrsDeWinter]

My son suffers with phobias of various things. At the moment it's the idea of burglars. He is constantly looking for burglar alarms on buildings and asks millions of questions about any stuff to do with burglars. He works himself up. I can see that the thoughts are intrusive and he just can't put it from his mind.
Has your daughter ever had any phobias before that she's managed to conquer? I find it helpful to my son if I say "remember when you used to be frightened of x? And now you're not anymore. One day you won't be frightened of this either" I then reassure him that feeling anxious or frightened of things is ok and that everybody feels like this sometimes. I say he won't always feel like this and that feelings and worries are a bit like the weather, they always pass over us eventually. I also tell him that not everything we think is true. So sometimes our brain tells us to run away from something because it thinks it's dangerous when really it isn't.
I've taught him how to try and calm down if I'm not there by using the techniques from the Sitting Still like a Frog book and he is able to do "froggy breathing" to calm down when I'm not there.

I find that this type of approach helps him more than if I try to reassure him about whatever the latest phobia is, which for some reason always ended up just reinforcing the fear. It was as though he felt I was not getting it if I tried to reassure him.

They are all different though and I suppose a lot depends on how receptive they can be to that type of thinking. I know for some children it doesn't work but luckily it did with us. I hope it helps your daughter.

The good thing with the "froggy breathing" is that it gives them the tool to take control of their anxiety when you're not there. My son uses it now to manage his anger outbursts too (well, most of the time).

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

She did do two things she was frightened of fairly recently but this is on another level and I can't think of anything else as big as this that she has cracked.
I shall look at the frog book, thank you.

[TheOtherMrsDeWinter]

Also, when he's conquered fears in the past (and that's not to say he doesn't still experience some anxiety when faced with them) it's always been on his terms. So if someone had walked into the room with his phobia expecting him to be around it as the first step of getting over it, it would have made things 10x worse.

I don't know if someone tried to do that with you op as part of your cbt?

For us, the reaction that came after being faced with the phobia was almost worse than the phobia if that makes sense. So coping methods were crucial for us and that gave him confidence which has lead to lessening of the phobia if you see what I mean.

[TheOtherMrsDeWinter]

It comes with a cd which we play in the car and sometimes before bed. there are different exercises for different age children

I think you can stream the tracks from the website but I'd still recommend the book as it goes into detail as to why it works (I found it helpful to me actually)

[TheOtherMrsDeWinter]

Yes, here's the link to where you can stream it. We found exercise 2 particularly helpful

www.shambhala.com/sittingstilllikeafrog

You can get the book next day on Amazon

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

My issues with CBT stem from a combination of poor counselling experiences, an inability to relax and 'let' things work and override logic plus, in at least one of my fears, there's possibly a genetic or physical issue too. Oh and an allergy in another. At least I can get diazepam!!
I think I understand what you mean and yes we probably should focus on coping strategies first before tackling the things that make her panic. That's a different direction I hadn't considered at all. Thank you :)

[TheOtherMrsDeWinter]

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate but your children are so lucky to have you in their corner. You understand your daughter and that is the most important part. Like zzzzz says above, there are poor kids out there who don't have caring parents looking out for their interests and wellbeing.
So well done x

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Thank you
I agree that it must be awful for children without anyone to rely on and help them. It must seem like such a hostile world :(