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Pregnant, chances of another child on spectrum ASD

(16 Posts)
BlueOcean26 Mon 26-Sep-16 07:10:58

Hi everyone I am in desperate need of advice from people who have been in my position and what there outcome was please.
I am an emotional wreck as I found out I'm pregnant Friday with my fourth child I have a 9 year old and 8 year old both NT and fine and then my youngest is 4 and he has ASD and SPD.
For these reasons I have been put in a position I never thought I would be in or consider I'm really against abortion but I am considering it which makes me feel dreadful which is why I can't stop crying I'm so scared I'm going to have another baby on the spectrum can anyone tell me if they had this and if they went onto have another child did they have and problems etc? I don't even know if my four year will cope having a baby in the house he is very laid back but so noise sensitive he can't stand the noise babies make OT shouting or crying so I don't even know if I keep it If it's the right decision for my son or will it turn him, I just don't know what to do if I hear some personal experiences off other people that have been in this situation I think I will be able to make my decision easier sad I just feel torn at the minute my husband thinks it will effect our son but said he will support me either way xx

lamya190 Mon 26-Sep-16 17:07:10

Hi there, I was in the same position last yr. I have a boy (5) with ASD and another NT (2.5). The pregnancy was in very early stages with me and it ended itself so I was lucky as the decision was taken out of my hands. I did call the abortion clinic and did consider it but I'm not sure if I would have definitely gone through with it (abortion is not permitted in my religion) I was just glad it ended itself. My husband as well said he would support me either way. I also felt another child at that time would break me as I was dealing with a lot, my husband is very supportive but I'm a stay at home mum so I do most of the stuff. It's really up to you and it's an incredibly hard decision, i still look back and wonder if I had gone through with the abortion I reallyyy don't know!!

PolterGoose Mon 26-Sep-16 20:14:35

(((hugs)))

Statistically, the odds of having a second autistic child seem to be between about 1 in 50 and 1 in 5. So there is a higher risk, but the odds are fairly heavily tipped towards your baby being neurotypical.

But I totally get the fear of the unknown and would have had a very similar dilemma had I got pregnant when my ds was at his worst. At that point a baby wouldn't have been safe and it would have been very hard. That would have been a bigger worry than the baby being autistic for me.

Many parents with more than one autistic child don't know their oldest is autistic until after they've had their younger child/children. You sound on top of your autistic ds's needs and he will be at school while the baby is little and you know what to do if you had concerns about another child.

It's not my or anyone here's place to take a side, and I've probably not helped at all. I am sorry you feel as you do, it's a hard place to be flowers

MeirAya Mon 26-Sep-16 22:41:19

I have 2 with possible SEN (eldest has ASD, youngest has "don't-know-yet-but-we'll-see-how-it-goes") For both, 4 was a shocking age as they were behaving like difficult toddlers - but with super strength and the brain power to be very unsafe yet super-determined.

In fairness, the NT one was also tricky at 4y - presumably it was mostly imitation but it was hard.

It's not entirely straightforward now, but the 'toddler' dreadfulness has passed (youngest is now 6) and we're used to the ASD so life is pretty ok. Except for the usual parent overwhelm/ not enough hands/ house chaos/ job /income/ usual crap- but that's not the SEN

ALemonyPea Mon 26-Sep-16 22:44:35

Congratulations.

When I was pregnant with my third, the paed told me i had 1 in 4 chance of that baby having ASD since I already had a child with it. DS3 used to mimick a few of DS2s behaviours as a toddler, but is certainly not in the spectrum aged 7.

yippeekiyay2 Tue 27-Sep-16 10:00:52

Hi I have a dd (7) asd and now a 6 week old dd. We chose to have 2nd dd as we always wanted 2 children, but due to dd1 issues we almost didn't. I did some research online of chances of having a 2nd with asd and the info as pp suggested is varied and subject to many factors, but 1 in 5 was the highest I found. It's a worry I'm not going to lie, I genuinely hope that 2nd dd is not 'the same' as 1st because it is so limiting for her and for us but we will have to wait and see. Dd is at the end of the assessment process now as we didn't recognise the signs enough until she started school and then the school told us it was behavioural initially... Obviously I will be more vigilant this time. Good luck in whatever you decide to do, I think you have to do what is right for you and your family. flowers

paperlily Tue 27-Sep-16 10:56:09

DS1 17 has ASD and when I got pregnant three years ago I was told that I had a 1 in 5 chance of having another child with ASD (we have ASD on both sides of our family, and I am diagnosed with autism myself and DH is undiagnosed but definitely on the spectrum). DS2 was diagnosed with autism four months ago. It was one reason why I waited so long to have another, DS1 has been a real handful over the years and both DSs are affected quite severely (although in different ways) so I definitely wouldn't have managed with both if they were at their most severe. DS1 used to have very challenging behaviour and could have harmed a small baby, but he has improved massively though with specialist school support and so I can direct most of my attention to DS2 now.

Msqueen33 Tue 27-Sep-16 13:05:27

We tried for another when my middle dd was two. At the time we didn't know much about autism and she wasn't even under any kind of care. We had her sister when she turned three. They're now 7,6 and 3 and the youngest two both have autism. We always said we'd like a fourth but having a second child with autism I said no chance. Personally for me if I could go back I wouldn't have another after having my dd who has asd. We didn't know the risk would be so high and in our families it's only my dad's cousin's son who has asd. I adore my youngest but it's really hard. And I constantly find myself thinking about how robbed I feel. I'd ask yourself how would you feel if the new baby did have asd? I've coped with two being on the spectrum but I wish I'd be better informed and it's bloody hard and I'm apparently quite a tough cookie. 🍫

pastizzi Tue 27-Sep-16 23:27:04

I have 2 NT children and one with ASD. I did worry a lot when pregnant with ds2 but although various different odds are bandied about, in actual fact a lot of people's odds of having a second ASD child may be close to zero. With other people it may be higher than 1 in 4. There is no possible way to come up with a universal statistic.

We had no autism in the family on either side, so I don't believe ds1's autism is genetic. Other families I know have one parent/ grandparent on the spectrum and they do have more than one child with autism.

WellTidy Wed 28-Sep-16 15:56:19

I have a NT 8yo and a 4yo with ASD and he is quite severely affected. he has developmental delays, a speech and language disorder and has huge rigidity/flexibility issues.

Before he was diagnosed (at 3yo), DH and I were vaguely discussing having another child. We were sort of considering it, but certainly hadn't made a decision either way. Maybe, if pushed, we would have decided not to try again. Anyway, after it became apparent that DS2 had ASD, then his diagnosis, now living with his difficulties, we will definitely not have another child. I am exhausted; there is huge impact on NT DS1 and there is so much additional work involved with DS2 due to his high level of need. There is no ASD on either mine or DH's side of the family. This has come out of nowhere for us.

That said, it is easy to make a considered decision as I am not pregnant. It would be wrong for anyone to steer you in your decision.

Good luck.

birdlover1977 Wed 28-Sep-16 17:20:16

Hello Blue, only you can make this decision and you really need to do what is right for you and your family. I know how hard this decision must be for you.

I have 4 children the youngest 2 boys have autism and I suspect that their older sister is also on the spectrum but she has not been diagnosed. I had my two youngest boys very close together 20 months apart and therefore I didn't know my second son had autism by then. The boys were only diagnosed aged 6 and 9 - but there difficulties were present much earlier than that.

If I am being completely honest I wouldn't have planned another child if I had known my third child had autism (because like you I wouldn't have wanted 2 children with ASD) but I am glad that I didn't have to make that decision. I love my children dearly and even though life is really hard at times I wouldn't be without them. My youngest is the most severely affected by his autism as he also has learning delays, but he is also the most loving, and gentle boy you could meet.

Be kind to yourself and take your time to make this decision. Lots of people have NT kids after having a child with ASD and also many have more than one child with ASD. I won't lie - it is hard, it is tiring, but it is also a real joy at times too!

Good Luck whatever you decide x

BlueOcean26 Wed 12-Oct-16 22:55:56

Hello thank you so much for all your detailed responses it means alot I was booked in on the Friday after making this post to have an abortion appointment which I don't think I could have gone through with as I was to emotional over it all, but on the Wednesday before the appointment I had a miscarriage and had it confirmed on the Thursday that I had lost the baby when they scanned me at hospital I'm trying not to dwell on it all now but trying to think positively that I didn't have to make a hard decision my body decided for me and I'm a strong believer of everything happens for a reason although I get upset over it all when I think about it I think it just wasn't meant to be xxx

Msqueen33 Thu 13-Oct-16 06:23:03

Big hugs and like you I think everything happens for a reason. 🍷🍫 for you. Look after yourself xxx

PolterGoose Thu 13-Oct-16 07:31:06

(((hugs))) from me too flowers

WellTidy Thu 13-Oct-16 13:34:13

Be kind to yourself at this difficult time, and don't expect too much of yourself. Sending you hugs.

Breadrollsandcakes Thu 13-Oct-16 16:04:42

DS is 12 and on the spectrum. He's high functioning. He was also a much wanted IVF baby. I had my concerns about him being autistic when he was about 2/3yrs and hadn't thought about another baby. Out of the blue I found out I was pregnant. I knew there was a greater possibility of a child with ASD but felt blessed to get the chance. DD is 8 now. She is NT. They are great friends and a comfort to each other.

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