Possible ADHD? But he's fine at school???

[CandyLane]

DS is 6 and I'm really struggling with his behaviour. He ticks a lot of the boxes for ADHD whilst he's with me but he's absolutely fine at school and his teachers have no concerns. He's sociable, he's very bright and is doing exceedingly well, despite being one of the youngest in his class.
But it's like he turns in to a different child once he steps out of the clsss room, he has tantrums and gets very angry about very little, he struggles to wait for anything, once he decides he wants something he wants it right that second. He repeats himself quite a lot, eg if he asks me a question and I say "I don't know" he will just continue to ask me the same question over and over with us both getting more and more frustrated.
He's a very bright child which leads him to commentate on everything that happens and asks sooooo many questions, it's just exhausting.
He can sit and read or colour for quite a while but there's little else that can grasp his attention for more than a minute or two.
This week he's been grounded for crossing a road which he knew he wasn't to cross and he knows that we always find out when he does, he knew if he crossed that road he was getting grounded for a week, but he still did it.
Part of me thinks he is just a normal, bright, inquisitive, mischievous 6 year old boy..,but another part of me wonders if there's a problem with him.
It's often like he just doesn't hear me when I'm telling him to stop doing something and then I eventually end up having to yell to make him listen, and then I feel guilty, but he just DOES NOT LISTEN.

But he's fine in school.

Is it possible that there is a problem even though school haven't noticed one? If he did have ADHD surely he can't just turn it on and off?

[MerdeAlor]

My son has ADHD and they definitely knew at school, pretty much from the first day at reception. He couldn't sit down at all during school time, just wandered around the class room. They had to constantly call his name (still do) to get his attention. He fidgetted constantly too.

ADHD can't be turned on and off, but kids with ADHD can still concentrate on things they really like. They find it impossible to concentrate on things they don't like.


CAMHS gave us and the school a connors questionnaire to fill in. It graded how easy or difficult certain activites were. The school and home results followed exactly the same pattern, but our home results were more exaggerated. Sometimes children with SEN hold all their emotion in at school and then it comes out at home - in their safe place. Essentially though it showed that our DS demonstrated the same behaviour at school and at home. I would expect to see a similar pattern in other children with ADHD as it makes sense.

I hope this helps.

[LeChien]

Ds has a recent diagnosis of HFA. We had to fill in a questionnaire that covered ADHD, at home, ds scores highly, but at school nothing. This rules out ADHD as a dx as it would show at school apparently.
The paediatrician explained that anxiety can sometimes present as ADHD type behaviour, and in ds's case, as he masks how he is feeling in school, they don't see anything unusual.
A lot of your descriptions of your ds sound like my son's behaviour at home.
Ds's teachers can see very subtle signs of something (although in their questionnaire they categorically said he didn't have ASD), but as he isn't a problem in school, they don't need to focus on him, so it's easy to miss stuff.

[TwoLeftSocks]

DS1 has ADHD and has the same behaviours in school as at home, and also at clubs, at the park, with friends and family. It's not something he can turn on and off as often he isn't aware that he's doing something, or will do/say something impulsively but then realise what he's done afterwards. Where you say about him crossing the road, did he do it consciously, knowing that he wasn't allowed, or simply without thinking?

A lot of the ADHD symptoms can overlap with other conditions, have you looked up ASD at all?

[BertieBotts]

TBH most of that sounds like typical 6yo stuff to me.

But LeChien is right too - sometimes when you have a marked difference between school and home behaviour, it's because the child is able to hold things in when at school and the effort of this leads to poor behaviour at home.

[Minisoksmakehardwork]

The adhd nurse I saw about ds said it is possible to comply at school, then everything comes spilling out at home time - my ds1 is the same. A little treasure for his teacher, a delight (and so on). I've seen him in school, the behaviour he has displayed would certainly tick some adhd boxes but school say he is fine...

Her reasoning for his is ds1 does actually want to comply, and doesn't want to draw attention to himself. Plus in reception there is a fair amount of free choice so ds can do what he wants to do. There is slightly less in year 1, but free choice is still available.

I've also been told ds1 is still only young for a formal diagnosis. They'd look at that more when he starts juniors. However, the paeds and professionals we see do say it is very likely adhd with him. They have ruled out asd as he doesn't tick enough of those boxes. Although, again, he does have traits.

[AndNowItsSeven]

If he is fine at school but not home I would be thinking asd not ADHD.

[Pomegranatemolasses]

Ds2 was diagnosed this year with adhd, at the age of 12. He coasted through school fairly well in the earlyyears, but as more was expected of him his behaviour deteriorated greatly.

Some of what you say about your ds really resonates with me. I don't think my Ds's symptoms were as obvious when he was younger, but now it is really apparent. He is now on medication and doing really well.

[Mrsmoneyworries]

My DS, who is 12, was only dx'd at 10. Up to this point, I don't think it was a case of not showing any signs in school. It was a case that school labelled him already that they weren't willing to look at other options.

I first flagged it up when my DS was 4, but got brushed off until I started to push more.

Although, it could be ASD or anxiety based also.

[BritabroadinAsia]

Interesting - DD1 (12) has just had a diagnosis for the inattentive, not hyperactive variant of ADHD, so her behaviours are possibly a bit more subtle than your son!

But I would agree with the scenario minisoks describes, in that we have a very compliant child who wants to fit in at school, and it's at home where the effort of trying to organise, focus and follow instructions all day spills out. We have had big fights over homework this past year so it was a relief to see that her 'daydreaming' and inability to just get her work done was for good reason... Her teachers had noticed difficulties with concentration and following instructions, but because she was coping (with a lot of effort and support from me at home) it wasn't flagged up as a major concern.

I think it's definitely worth keeping tabs on how this pans out, and keep the school informed of your concerns.

[snakesandbastards]

DS was a nightmare at home and at school. If school requires the child to show some kind of personal organisational skill (such as having the right equipment, even its just pencils and paper taken from the correct drawer) and they can comply, I can't see this as ADHD. If school is directing every move then maybe it is. DS couldn't even manage hanging his coat up and lost countless items of clothing

[MerdeAlor]

My DS is exactly the same snakes needs constant micromanaging. Totally chaotic and has no organisational capability at all, love them but it can be frustrating

[DrFirstpool]

Hi
Watch and wait. As kids get older, sometimes it gets clearer. Essentially you are describing some impulsivity and lack of inhibition. The lack of inhibition may be more apparent where he feels most comfortable, i.e. with family. Is he aware that his incessant questioning is annoying, but does it anyway, or is he unaware?

I guess you have a subtype of ADHD vs high functioning asd vs normal kid.

Waiting a few years may clear this up. Of course if seriously disturbing you will have to get him assessed.