great, dd has decided to start biting my face if I have to carry her to school. need to vent.

[meglet]

another huge meltdown this morning from 6yo dd (nothing wrong with her according to the gp, paed and school) refused all uniform and tore it off several times, shoes thrown off and she refused to budge. poor ds was waiting patiently holding her bag and coat.

I had to carry her in the end because I didn't want to be late for work and she realised that not only could she pull my hair and pinch my skin she can also bite my cheek. I kept managing to pull away and put her down in time but even so.

It was so awful. got to school in the nick of time and the teacher was yet again telling me how good she is at school. She was hollering when they pulled her off me .

I don't know how long I can carry on like this. The paed says it's poor parenting, my gut is that it isn't but I'm a LP with Asd (albeit fully functional working and home owning adult) so I've screwed her up apparently.

now I've got to sit at work looking at a screen in virtual silence for the next few hours. I just want to bloody cry.

sorry for typos, am walking.

[meglet]

the school will suggest reward charts won't they. I'll need sedating if I hear those words again .

[Icimoi]

Paed is an idiot. If he doesn't know that it's absolutely classic for children with social communication difficulties to hold it together at school but have meltdowns at home, he doesn't know his job. Any chance of asking for a referral to something like the Newcomen Centre?

Have you tried filming her in the mornings? They need to see you talking calmly to DD to try to get her ready and off to school, and they need to see that it is the stress of school that causes this, not your parenting.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Really feel for you meglet I have been doing this for years. I agree with filming her if you can and also keeping a diary.

Ask for the paed to refer for a DISCO assessment, it helped us to get a dx for Dd3 although it didnt solve the school problems so you might still need another school!

Be kind to yourself

[BlackeyedSusan]

carrying technique:

back towards you. carried diagonally feet out to one side. keep the ohter child away from the flailing legs. arm through legs and round body, holding the hands together(one arm), other arm under shoulder and holding one of the other hands? keep head away form your face to avaoid headbutting delicate areas and being spat at, head out to one side. this has been learned through bitter experience of being head butted in the face, hair pulled, chunks scratched out of my face, bitten on the backside once and spat at.

[meglet]

Thanks for the replies. We're home now so I can have a read. I'll get the dc's to bed and catch up once I've got my supper inside me.

[BlackeyedSusan]

have a good supper. and non alcoholic if you prefer.

I find that unless you have a child with autism, (diagnosed or not) then it is easy to dismiss tha masking as a parent issue. school definitely did this until the new head came.

there is very little information about masking on the web. need to search further.

[meglet]

polter you know, I hadn't really got as far as thinking what school could do differently. Her teacher would probably be willing to rope dd into a favourite helping activity though.

ici I've considered filming it but haven't figured out how to do it without angering her more or her grabbing and throwing the camera. I'm still on the case though.

[meglet]

black all my sessions at the gym are going to pay off now aren't they. My instinct is to carry her to the side but as I've discovered, that leaves me open to flailing hands and now teeth.

No work tomorrow so it's easier to put 100% into getting dd to school.

ineed i'll Google the disco assessment.

[BlackeyedSusan]

face the teeth away! oh yes. learned the hard way

I still got spat at as that was all he could manage. oh and head butted in the arm, but the flab acts as a shock absorber!

whatever you do avoid the head butt to the face though.

gentle rocking and firm pressure seemed to help calm him. also bribery and corruption. what is her currency? (this only works before they are melting down as an incentive)

keep her nails cut as well if possible. less gouges to the skin.

[BlackeyedSusan]

good luck today Meg.

[meglet]

It was ok today. Couple of near misses with cereal choice and sock style, but I managed to keep her calm.

[senvet]

If I had a pound for every parent who has been told that ASD kids having melt downs is caused by parenting, (when it glaringly isn't) I would be clinically obese.

Sensory things may well be worth a look, but my relative took to bolting out of school, and for him it was because being in a mainstream school was just too hard for him. The school did nothing to help him except put him in the sick room.

On the bright side, he went to special school and is now married, and earning etc like you.

So maybe see what school can do to reduce sensory and social pressures, and maybe try for sensory OT if that rings bells with you

[BlackeyedSusan]

how did it go today?

[meglet]

No meltdown en route this morning. The usual tantrum over socks and breakfast though. Basically I gave in a lot, carried her downstairs etc.

We had a fun weekend though, usual breakages (thrown tv remote), mess (cereal throwing) and damage (thrown Dyson damaged floor). Half term and week off work next week thank goodness.

[LeChien]

Meglet I really feel for you. We have similar with ds but it's all being put down to parenting.

Polter is right about taking away any demands in the morning. We always make sure there's his favourite cereal all the time (panic stations if it's all gone!) and like Polter we put his shoes and socks on.
Ds is 10 now and (touch wood) unless there's a trip or some school event going on, he goes into school reluctantly but ok.

Hope you have a relaxing half term break!

[youarekiddingme]

How long after you drop dd off in school during meltdown does it take her to calm?

I'd also ask pead what she thinks your DDs motivations are - eg what does she get out of being a screaming ball of mess carried into school in front of her peers? As her behaviour doesn't get her what she wants. I think people get into the parenting lark without looking at the dynamic of the relationship.

I love the diagram that shows meltdown Vs tantrum. I'm sure someone on here has a link to it.

Also I'm surprised they are blaming your asd for parenting difficulties rather than thinking if you have asd your dd is probably more likely to have it too compared to her peers (or some neuro diversity) iyswim?