Is it unusual for a child with Aspergers to love cuddles?

[Danielson01]

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[TarquinMoriartyGruntfuttockII]

Nope! my boy with Aspergers loves cuddles. Quite a lot of it with him is also sensory as he likes 'soft' so if getting it from our clothes.

[Sunnymeg]

My DS enjoyed cuddles as a small child, but only if he faced away from me. Mind you he is a teenager now, so I've no chance!

[Ineedmorepatience]

Nope, Dd3 is like a limpet!! She uses me as a way to manage her anxiety. When she is struggling she literally lies on top of me and wants me to hug her all the time!

When she was little we mainly had reverse hugs.

[streakybacon]

Mine is 16 and still loves a snuggle on a night while we're watching telly. He'd kill me for telling you though .

[streakybacon]

BUT .. he hated cuddles as a baby, really fought them off. Strange kid .

[HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway]

not at all. Both of mine can be very affectionate.

My youngest (14) far more than my eldest (15) but even he will tolerate cuddles most of the time and actually sometimes, albeit rarely, actually initiate one.

My youngest has always been very touchyfeely and very cuddly whereas my eldest would not tolerate it for years. It's been a process getting to this point.

[HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway]

my eldest was the same, streaky - even as a tiny baby he'd go rigid in my arms and arc away from me. As for looking into his eyes - forget it! He would do everything possible to prevent it.

[Borka]

My DS likes cuddles, but only if he's initiated it & only with close family.

[Jacksterbear]

No (although my DS's dx is ASD rather than AS) - my DS is suffocatingly tactile: constantly climbing on me, hanging off me, trying to climb inside my clothes, like Ineed's DD lying on me or wanting me to lie with arms and legs draped over him at night to get to sleep, squeezing me, burrowing his hands and feet under me when I'm sitting/lying down, etc etc!

He does this from a combination of anxiety/psychological comfort-seeking and sensory processing difficulties (mainly proprioceptive input seeking).

The only time he is not like this is when he is in meltdown, when he can't beat anyone to look at him, touch him, or go anywhere near him.

[streakybacon]

The only time he is not like this is when he is in meltdown, when he can't beat anyone to look at him, touch him, or go anywhere near him

Yes, this was ds too. When he was very young, he couldn't work out what he needed when in meltdown, so would be hugging me and beating me at the same time, pulling me close and pulling away. Horrible for everyone .

[Jacksterbear]

streaky, I recognise that too.

Incidentally, the Autism Discussion Page on FB is currently doing a series of daily posts on sensory issues, and today's post (here) is on exactly this topic - the paradox of tactile defensiveness (eg with clothes etc) and tactile seeking clinginess.

[Teawaster]

DT2 , Aspergers didn't hug much as a toddler and if he did he was a bit rigid. Now at 13 he hugs more but still not in a spontaneous natural way that DT1 does. It feels like a learnt process as do many of his non verbal gestures . He does look to give and receive hugs when I'm upset/he's upset

[senvet]

I've seen an OT spot it as sensory seeking - looking for pressure.

If you think it could help in a classroom, there is new research, I gather,which suggests that feeling stronger pressure can help maintain a calm-alert state. The things that can work are lifting a heavy book or pushing a weighted fire door.


I heard of one kid who could easily concentrate for an hour as ling as he got up and did 'press ups' against the wall every so often.

[Pasteurella]

My two are both Aspies and love cuddles! My eldest tends to cuddle my arm rather than me though.

Some don't though, I think it mainly depends on sensory issues from what I've heard from other Mums of Aspies.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

My DS is very tactile, he doesn't stay cuddled to you for too long, but is very snuggly and has always been so, he loves having his back scratched gently too and often reaches out to touch me with his hand. He's always been quite a sensory seeker, likes being sprayed with cold water from a hose, struggles to sit still unless he is totally supported in a sofa or similar etc. He has dyspraxia as well as AS.

His concentration is definitely helped by having movement breaks similar to what Senvet describes.

[dietcokeandwine]

10yo DS with Aspergers, always been very cuddly with me and with DH, and can be (though not always!) physically affectionate with his younger siblings.

Fairly comfortable with expressing affection/giving and receiving hugs to other close family members (grandparents/aunts/uncles).

Quite physically awkward around anyone else.

He can be quite sensory seeking too (favourite occupation is to twiddle my hair round his fingers whilst I read to him) and definitely needs 'movement breaks' as described by PP.

[GlitterKandinsky]

My 7yo loves cuddles but only with me not DH or anyone else. I find she is very prickly to hug in a way I can't really put my finger on.