I do get that, imogen, I really do. I felt similarly, despite it only being the HT heavily implying that I was fabricating. It hadn't gone any further at all. Add to that, the situation was only escalated in 3 weeks!
Bottom line, I've got to live with my decisions when I look back as an old lady. At least if it goes pear-shaped, it already was. If I didn't try, I'd never know if I could have changed life for her.
You have got to do something. This is not going to change, it really isn't. Your DS isn't going to suddenly say
"You know what...this school, with it's unchallenged bullying by children and teachers, it's lack of support and the fact that everyone blames me for having SEN....well it's ok really, because it's better than the other really terrible one..."
That is all kinds of fucked up Imogen isn't it? Wrt ooh gp they will only send him to a and e if he is seriously ill. I think he needs some cold sore meds/acyclovir (herpes meds) And it means you can keep him off school next week as you have new to ooh gp and he has been seen.
Worth ringing your out-of-hours/weekend GP service *now* and getting them to consider medication for the herpes infected eczema; you'll know already it can get a lot worse very fast. The usual snotty-germ infections are the easiest to treat, but (slightly bizarrely) the anti-chickenpox meds work on cold-sores-gone-mad eczema flare-ups.
You know what? I was scared. I am scared! The thing is though, I couldn't keep her in a school where she wasn't believed and it was clear that there was no working relationship between us as her parents and the teachers. It didn't matter how 'nice' and 'well-meaning' the teacher was, if the HT wasn't going to accept that I had her best interests at heart, there was no way that her NEEDS were going to be met, no matter what evidence I could provide.
Oh Lougle. Am so happy for you and your dd Very similar experience with ds1. I got so sick of people mil telling me ds1s anxiety and stress was "just like dh". The change in him after even a week at the new school was incredible. And now after initially not speaking to me for 2 weeks after we de registered him - according to mil - home schooling and the new school are the best thing we ever did!!
imogen, I know that everything is so much harder for you because of logistics, but this story might be an encouragement:
As you know, DD2 was very anxious about school. I don't know about you, but I have found that DD2's anxiety was so 'normal' that I'd sort of forgotten what the 'real' DD2 was like.
Last Saturday Nanna and Pape from France visited. I tried to supply DD2 with some things she could tell them about school. She refused point blank, cried and sucked her hand.
Then, everything kicked off with school on Monday, I withdrew her on Tuesday, managed to get her enrolled on Thursday and she attended the new school all day on Thursday and Friday.
Today, Nanna and Pape visited again (they're here for a Month). DD2 willingly told them about Florence Nightingale, the Crimean war, that she'd been learning about odds and evens, etc.
Pape in particular was astounded. He said to me 'she's totally different this week!' Once I explained that she'd been this way since Tuesday, when I told her that she was changing schools, he was even more amazed.
It really can change everything, you know. DD2 still has the issues she has, no mistake, however that anxiety has lifted and she has a lightness about her.
...for me, personally, the crunch came when a locum gp told me that ds1 was showing signs of clinical depression. He was 6. It was a very hard thing to hear, the more so because it was so bloody obvious! We home schooled for 11 months (not an option for you, I know) and got him into another school and moved. Sounds easy when written down! But in reality it took 2 years from taking him out of school, to back into school, to moving house. Thing is...when we took him out of school we had no idea where it would lead..we looked at 3 schools and I think chose the right one. We then decided to move to the town where the school is. I suppose what I am trying to say is that as bad as things seem (and I can really empathise with you) you can change things...you can. Don't let them make you feel like you aren't capable of doing it. You are. You have been right about your ds all along. Trust your instincts.
From an English POV, the more recorded "failure to make adequate progress" you can clock up now (ie in mainstream, on the Scottish equivalent of school action plus) the easier you'll find it when chasing LA for a statutory assessment.
Still better than old school. Still probably best to see what they say at big meeting before launching (as opposed to researching / planning) your plan B. Not quite "time to go", more like "time to check travel jabs" .
CT comments likely bang out of order. Timetable in code is standard unhelpful professional 'we understand the jargon, can't see why you don't' stuff. Lego not gone yet, not ok if they plan abrupt stop, ok if gradual weaning / monitoring.
In my non-teacher opinion, 'upsetting yourself, upsetting mum and upsetting me' would be a totally pointless speech, but the sort I'd expect from the average caring-carrot-type SENCO. For a NT dc it would fall into the borderline area of "useless comments which might be well-meant". A bit like letting him 'choose' his spelling group. It's a very unsuitable way to communicate with a dc with ASD/ traits. Which they don't understand or believe in, so can't adjust for.