Is it me? Am I making it worse

[sweetteamum]

I'm having a really awful time with dd 11, (un dx'd) ASD. She is blatantly refusing to do anything I ask of her. It was every so often to start with but now it's everything I ask her to do.

She won't do anything that means she isn't choosing, without a huge fuss and big major fallouts. It's every day and night and we've had the same blooming routine for ever, so it can't be that she doesn't know what's expected of her.

I feel like a prisoner and sometimes it's just not worth the hassle that comes with forcing her.

Any tips or ideas are more than welcome.

[Ineedmorepatience]

There could be hormones playing a part here sweet.

Not that they should be used as an excuse but she could be feeling pretty horrid and she is sharing that horridness with you.

Dd2 who is pretty much NT really changes when her hormones are kickin off, she goes from being pretty easy going to a pain in the arse.

I could be wrong though, it could just be a reaction to everything that has happened with school and then xmas on top.

Try not too take it too heart, most dc's dont actually want to be unhappy and stroppy, it is usually beyond their control.

Try to get a break from her when you can, oh and be kind to yourself

[porridgelover]

sweettea, is this a recent development or has it always been like this?

My DD1 (undiagnosed but....ya know) reponds unbelievable well to this.
It seems to me that its when her feelings are reflected back to her, then she can recognise them.

God that sounds very woo but I hope it makes sense.

[auntevil]

DS (10) has been doing this for about the last 6 months. Every request is met with a sigh to start - as soon as I open my mouth. He doesn't even wait to find out if it's something good.
When he finds out - it's OMG, it's so unfair etc etc (remember Kevin and Perry?) and escalates into tantrum, throwing things down, pushing people out of his way.
I kind of thought it was just because he's starting to be a teenager and I have more of this to come.
He's quite happy at the moment as he's bossing his younger DBs about in a game. Could change at any moment, but I'll accept happy atm

[sweetteamum]

She has had alot of change, which is when this 'behaviour' started, so it would make sense. She isn't normally like this but everything hasn't gone as planned and I hadn't really estimated just how stressed she is or how it would affect her.

I am still learning all the signs etc to look out for and I guess i've just found another one.

I had wondered if this could be anything to do with 'hormonal changes' but as it's constant and with everything, then it just didn't seem right.

I have asked her why she's being this way and she just says she doesn't know. She not very good at explaining or even understanding her own feelings, so she's probably confused herself.

Thanks all for the comments. It's really helpful to get others' views