ds unhappy at school

[PeachyClair]

Not sure whether to post here or on SN, but would rather get a wide range of views if that's OK so posting on both.

Have a meeting with class teacher at 3.15. DS has been really sad about going to school and complaining that other boys bully him, this was backed up by another child and one Mum witnessed the 'bully' telling DS 'I wish you were dead'.

After collecting DS the other day, we saw a child run past and wave a fist at him. Having had enough, we went straight to the office and spoke to the deputy head (head on sick leave).

She ahs spoken to all the kids involved and is monitoring. We also passed comment that class teacher doesn't inform us about some quite big incidents- eg, a punch that caused a bleeding nose, being kicked, as his friend told us (DS didn't) 'in the wee wee'.

School teacher was watching them when I went in to collect ds2 earlier for an appointment, and collared me saying that in her opinion it's a lot of rough boys pushing, one just happens to be stronger. Not bullying at all.

We have been through this before, the whole ds doesn't want to go says he's being bullied but school says not, at his last school.

DS has AS / HFA and doesn't get social skills at all, also doesn't seem to realise he needs to tell teachers what happens when it happens, he just intermnalises it. Other children tip us off.


Any ideas? DS1 has to be dragged in now and that's sad, he has another year to go in this school (he's 6). Generally an excellent school.

Bully is leaving at end of week, but we invited his friend round and that resulted in total meltdown so DS not liking friend any more.


SENCO on long term sick leave and not being replaced. SW mentioned a specialist Autistic school, but surely DS not that bad??? (I rewuested SW visit to arrange holiday care, not requested or fed into by school)

[desperateSCOUSEwife]

peachyclair tbh if I was in your position I would look for another school
your ds has enough to deal with without the need for bullying and a lacsidaisical attitute from the staff.
xxx

[PeachyClair]

Trouble is, this is his second school already as we moved, it's also so 'good' that people move here from miles around just to get in. I did have my doubts when he went as officially no SN kids ( I have met 4 so far, more there I thikn) but there's a funding anomally to do with it being a school funded by an endowment or something so we didn't get to apply elsewhere.

I might mention the specialist school to his teacher today, bet she thinks I am silly and dismisses it.

[desperateSCOUSEwife]

peachyclair
good luck for today:)
hope it all goes your way
xxx

[PeachyClair]

Seen teacher.

They don't think it is bullying, seems to be this kid is big and boisterous and loves hugging and physical stuff. DS is small and reserved and hates to be touched by anyone other than me. basically, all AS stuff then, which unfortunately theya re going to have to learn to manage.

They do share our concerns that ds doesn't want to go to school anymore though, and will be monitoring it on a day to day basis. They also have noticed him doing his growling in school, which is a warning sign of an overload. Apparently another parent has raised that DS growled at him recently, I suspect this was his 'friend' we had over on the play date. .

They are going to check the progress of Ed Psych and OT assessments.

If anyone else has experience of getting reluctant boys into school, SN or not, would be grateful!

[emmalou78]

Hope its all going / gone well for you.

I hope the school will acknowledge the problem, and are willing to actually DO something about it, turning a n;ind eye is ony showing teh buliles its fine to single out people becuase their different.

[lars]

Peachyclair, I 'm glad this is not so bad as you thought. So it was an accident and not done on purpose. What about a buddy, may encourage to come to school.

BTW the ' growling ' my ds does it and thanks for that I really didn't know why he did this. I just thought this was a ds 'thing'.

[PeachyClair]

Oh I think it's bullying- too many accidents imo, just not theirs. 1 bad injury, 1 broken pair of glasses and 1 broken pair of trousers let alone the bleeding nose, kicking of privates and 'I wish you were dead ' comment.

But I have to work with them so will try their way, and if needs be I can always send my DH (who is angry as he was bullied and doesn't want ds's going through it too) in.

[buzylizy]

my dd nt is 14 and at secondary He has had lots of problems with being bullied. I could never get the school to admit that was what it was. As luck would have it is now ok. He hated going to school an every day was a battle.
I realise this is not the same but I do think schools are reluctant to admit there is a problem. I think someone saying "I wish you were dead" is too much. Don't let the school brush it all aside. Your son doesn't have to put up with this.
My son was being bullied by a group and I think it was easier for the school to say it was his problem(more or less told me he asked for it!!!)Than to deal with the real problem.
Sounds to me this is what they are doing to you, As you say too mant things have happened to be an accident.(sorry to ramble but feel so much for your son having to put up with this)

[buzylizy]

wondered if it was any better

[desperateSCOUSEwife]

how is your ds getting on

[PeachyClair]

Hiya

Bit confused tbh, teacher says all is improving but his friend says he is worsening. However, i have concerns about the friend's family: s he is constantly informing me that AS is not real and if I just carry on being a good parent it will go away. She seems to have Scientology type overtones.

he still doesn't want to go school, but at least theya re monitoring it.

Thanks for asking how he's getting on- means a lot.

[PeachyClair]

Oh Buzylizy thanks for your story, glad to know i'm not the only one being fobbed off- wish it didn't happen to you obv, but reassures me that I am not insane.