What can I do about DS telling tales and interrupting all the time

[Lillypond]

DS is 4 years old with an ASD. His language has been really slow to develop and he isn't yet able to talk in sentances. I'm not sure if he's aware of this though as he talks all the time and will keep repeating speech over and over, even when no-one understands.

We had a meeting with the school recently and they are concerned (or fed up, possibly) that DS keeps interrupting them when the are speaking. They've taught him to say 'excuse me' (goomee in DS's words) which he picked up okay but he will just keep saying it until they stop what they are doing and listen to him. Obviously they want him to say it once so that they are aware of him and then they will deal with him when they are ready to. We asked his SALT how to deal with it and she suggested saying 'waiting' and hold our hand up in a stop sign. It worked well at the session but isn't working at home or at school at all. Actually he seems to get more frustrated and then is persistent in speaking over us and then takes absolutely ages to get his words out. I have more or less given up trying to have a conversaion with anyone except when he is at nursery as he seems to see it as his cue to talk non-stop. Has anyone got any tips or had success themselves with delaying talking (iyswim)?

The other problem is DS telling tales on other children. He's very rule and system based and has strange ideas about how things should be done. I have to walk around the sofa's a particular way, we have to leave home in a particular order (DS, then DP, then me) and I even have to get out of bed a particular way. He has similar ideas about nursery and is getting upset that children are not asking first before they do things and by the sounds of the teacher he is constantly telling tales about things that have nothing to do with him. I have tried really hard at home to break this habit by deliberately doing things in the wrong order to show him that nothing bad will happen to him, but it's not working and I'm tired of all the tears and tantrums.

I was asked to stay behind to chat to the teacher today as DS has cried for the whole session because he was pushed off of a bike. The teacher wanted all the children to take turns but DS refused to get off so the other boy pushed him off. It's as if he thinks he is in charge of everything and everyone must do as he wants them to.

I'm so fed up with it all

[Bink]

I am not sure if your ds is at this level yet with his language, but the "two words" system has worked well for us (6yo ds with elements of hyperactivity) - so when he has something he desperately wants to say (and is scared he'll forget it, as he often does) he is allowed to say two words (eg "new teacher" "forgot swimming" "chocolate sandwich") which I can then feed back to him as a trigger when it's his turn to speak.

[macwoozy]

Lillypond, I can really sympathise with the butting in of conversations because my autistic ds does exactly the same thing, and like your ds he will just keep repeating 'excuse me' until he gets so loud you can't help but to take notice. Sorry no ideas for you but I do know how flippin annoying this can be.

[Lillypond]

Macwoozy - Yes it is annoying and pretty exhausting as well. I've sent DS and DP out for a walk so I can get some peace and quiet.

Bink - He can use 2 words together but I don't think he'd be able to count them or work out which 2 words to give. His speech is quite sluggish and it's rare for me to understand him the first time, so even 2 words could still take a few minutes for him to say. It's a good idea though and I hadn't thought of the possibility that he might be interrupting because he's afraid that he'll otherwise forget what he wants to say.

Socci - We're not sure about his receptive language, other than it's behind expressive. He can understand one keyword at a time, so if I said 'put the ball in your bedroom' he would either bring the ball to me, or go to his bedroom without the ball, if that makes sense. I suppose he does speak in sentances of sorts. It's probably more acurate to say that he doesn't speak conversationally. A typical sentance would be 'cheese, butter, bread' with lots of um, er, repetition of all the keywords, and stops and starts, instead of 'I want a cheese sandwich'. He is so persistent though that the listener has no choice but to find out what he is saying as he just won't leave it.

He's still at nursery and doesn't have any 1:1. His teacher knows he's autistic but I'm not sure they do really understand how he is affected.

[Davros]

I think its dreadful that the teacher charcterises him as "telling tales" when the rules thing is clearly part of his ASD. Sounds like he desperately needs some input and support at school and for someone to help the teacher(s) out to understand why he does certain things. Esp the getting off the bike thing, that's not being naughty, its not being able to transition or understand the social nuances of turn taking, getting another turn later etc.

[Saker]

Lillypond

I do sympathise because Ds2 often keeps talking at me until I answer. Some of this is because he is difficult to understand and he needs proof that I have understood. A lot of it is that he is not sensitive to the environment or people around so doesn't realise it is inappropriate behaviour. It can be quite wearing to be constantly barraged with the same thing over and over.

I agree with everyone else though that it sounds like his nursery are dealing with him inappropriately. They clearly don't understand if they think that just teaching him to say excuse me is going to be helpful and think that he is telling tales. Is there any chance of him getting any extra help there? It really sounds like he needs a 1:1. I don't know how it works in other parts of the country but we have a specific service called the Preschool support service whose job is to make sure that the child is getting adequate support in preschool and to help make provision for school entry. Have you considered applying for a statement?

I'm really sorry you are struggling with this, I don't think you are being well by the nursery staff and I really don't think you should blame yourself.

[Saker]

Sorry should say "I don't think you are being well-treated"

[Blossomhill]

Lillypond - Hello stranger :):):)

I can only really agree with what everyone else has said. The nursery are completely missing the point here with your ds and obviously do not understand your ds and his needs at all.

I agree a statement would be your best bet. Have you looked into the unit as well as I know it's in the school itself.

So sorry you are having this to worry about. You shouldn't have to deal with this.

Hopefully ds will get some support really soon, which makes a big difference.

Bloss xxx

p.s. you know I am around on msn if you need a chat :)

[Lillypond]

Thanks everyone.

I don't feel that DS is getting any appropriate support at school anymore. A few things were implemented around the time of his MD asmt, but they've all been withdrawn since and I haven't even seen his IEP this term - they probably havn't written it yet.

Saker - I haven't heard of Preschool Support. Would DS need a statement to access this? Our Paed. applied for a statement but he was refused. She's left now though. It doesn't make sense to me that SENAT can refuse a child a statement without even seeing them.

Blossom - We were shown around the unit a few weeks back and it looks ideal. BUT now they're talking about keeping him in nursery for an extra term instead - like that's going to make any difference.

[Saker]

Lillypond

I really have no idea if preschool support is just something in our area or if there is an equivalent everywhere. In our case it was attached to but separate from portage - usually you got one or the other although we sort of ended up with both. You don't need a statement to access it, in fact they should be helping you apply for a statement. Ds2's preschool support worker carried out schedule of growing skills on him, talked to the preschool and arranged the funding for his one - to -one which he got without a statement and applied for his place in the SN unit. She also liased with portage and the educational pyschologist and helped to apply for a statement. She was really useful although snowed under by a case load of 50 kids! One suggestion would be for you to join a local NAS group or special needs group so you could get some info from other parents further down the line than yourself about what is available. Are there any other nurseries or preschools who might be more supportive?
I'm so shocked that you are struggling with all this without any support at all. You should at least have been allowed portage. It makes me so cross .

[sylvm]

Lillypond - we still have interrupting problems with DD who is now 9. She has learnt to say excuse me but then expects you to stop mid sentence in your conversation and listen to her. By the time we have done this, we have forgotten what we were talking about. There is absolutely no way we would have even got this far at 4 so your son is doing well but it is all relative and school don't seem to be very understanding.

[SoBlue]

lillypond my son has similar problems and i was getting no help till i went back to the Paediatrician where he was diagnosed. He wrote letters to all the services saying that i needed help this seemed to add weight to it. I have the Social Communication Difficulties Team involved too they visit on a regular basis and help with the IEP and training. As for interupting my ds still does it but iv found the key was to teach him to take turns starting with the bikes eg 5 min for you, visual holding 5 fingers then 5 for ... building on that and then transfering this skill to speech, they use red and green to indicate when he can stop and start things at school as he understands this concept. HTH

[Lillypond]

Changing schools would be difficult. We're in a deprived area and our nearest school is out of the question - DS just wouldn't cope, it's too rough. Also, even though he might not get a place in the Lang. Unit where he is now, they've mentioned that he could go over to the unit for SALT when he goes up to reception. So we'd want to move him back when he goes full time anyway. I think a lot of the problems are caused by his teacher who doesn't believe that DS is autistic and IMO treats him like he's just really slow. I suppose what I'd really like is for them to start supporting some of the things that I'm trying to teach DS at home, like putting his own coat on and pulling up his trousers after using the toilet but they are so hostile when I ask them and it's embarrassing for me. I feel like I'm taking liberties.

Saker - We have something called Early Years Support in our area but they are designed to help families before the child is old enough for preschool. They sent a lovely lady round to see me just after DS was DX'd and I was really feeling, well suicidal if I'm totally honest. She was brilliant and acted like a case worker for me. I didn't even have a HV at the time so she set that up and got me the forms for DLA. I'll email her and ask if she can help again.

Soblue - thanks. I think DS would benefit from using symbols at school. They did start PECS but it has all flown out of the window since his MD asmt. I think he could get the hang of the red and green system or even just a 'wait' card migh help a bit.