changed school at last!!!!

[lars]

Hi, everyone,
Just a note to say that I have finally done it and changed schools as enough is enough.

I have found a school where the headmistress appears to be so more postive about including children with behaviour difficulties.

DS still being assessed but basically appears to have it all ADHD, ODD and possibly aspergers.

His last school thought DS should be in a special school and said that no main stream school would have him, but as the LEA have said that's her opinion and were shocked by her statement.

I really hope it works out, he will still get one to one support and they will work on the friendship problem. The head was really kind and said it wasn't my fault and not to blame myself for ds behaviour.
Ds is a bit worried as doesn't like change, but struggling for years with a school that you know don't want him as he can be difficult, is so stressful.
Wish me and ds luck. larsxx

[coppertop]

Great news! The new school sounds really positive and will hopefully help to reduce your stress as well as ds'. Will he be starting after half-term?

Best of luck to you both and let us know how he gets on. xx

[Chocol8]

Glad to hear this Lars - well done! I changed ds's (AS/ADHD) school just after Easter and it has been brilliant. I was worried about the change too, but surprisingly he took to it like a duck to water.

I was told he had made friends on day 1 but I later found out, he had gone up to the top year group - who everyone else is frightened of - and asked if they wanted to fight him - he was joking - but it broke the ice and some of them are friends now! (not that I would recommend that way of making friends!).

I'm sure that you and ds will feel the benefits soon enough and it will make all the difference. Whereas it took me 5 months to see the headmistress at the old school, it takes me 5 minutes at the new one and as such have only (after 5 months) had to see her once about the detention situation. More relieved to know ds is not being bullied and appreciated for the person he is instead of being branded a "naughty boy".

Let us know how he gets on Lars. x

[lars]

Thanks for your support.

We will be starting after half term.

I am really nervous about it but i feel that I have no choice but to go for it and it just feels the right move to make.

I do hope it works out as it is a larger then the previous one but I know ds will find it dfficult but on ethe whole ds has accepted it now.

Larsxx

[Davros]

Good luck, sounds like a good idea but scary!

[amynnixmum]

Hi Lars

We had to take Ds out of his school last year after just a few weeks things got so bad. Fortunately he was still only 4 so we sent him back to preschool. The LEA agreed to backyear him and he started a new school this sept in reception. I was really nervous but he's doing well. In fact he's doing so well that his teacher told me last week that he thinks ds is ready to go full time

This school couldn't be more different to his last one. They are so positive about him and confident that they can help him. The head in his last school just saw him as a problem she wanted rid of

Good luck with the move. I know its scary but having a positive supportive head teacher is a good start.

[lars]

Yes the head at his previous school saw him as a problem and said she was trying to help.

But a long story, but how is a head supportive when she calls you for a meeting to tell you how she will exclude your child, she had only been at the school 2 weeks. larsxx

[amynnixmum]

I was talking about my ds new school when i said about how positive they are.

Ds old school seems similar to your ds old school. The Head there claimed she was supportive and wanted to help but it was clear she didn't. Ds managed 5 weeks before his first exclusion and the head's idea of being supportive was to tell me that she had never seen such bad behaviour in all her years of teaching.

They were supposed to use that 1st exclusion time to put stratagies in place for his return but nothing had been done and so he repeated the behaviour and was excluded for a second time. They then decided that he could come to school for one hour a day, in a little room with 2 teaching assistants and no contact with his peers.

This was supposed to just be in the run up to xmas but in jan they refused to make any changes in spite of the fact that they were clearly making things worse. Ds was really unhappy, he had started having nightmares and wetting the bed. His behaviour was also really bad at home at this time.

At the end of jan the heads idea of being supportive during a pastoral support meeting was to ask inappropriate questions about who was responsible for paying for the damage he had done and also stuff about the unions opinions about the working condiditions of the staff working with ds. The LEA representative that she addressed most of these questions to was clearly embarrassed. I wasn't the only one who left that meeting knowing that the head was building a case for permanent exclusion.

That's when we removed him from the school. I have since made a complaint and last week I received an apology for any distress I experienced. Not surprisingly they attempted to justify most of the points on my complaint but they did at least accept that things could have been done a little bit differently. Hopefully the next child with similar difficulties to ds will get a better deal. I hope so.

[lars]

Amymixmum, this sounds so similar to my ds exaxctly my point about the strategies. The school were always asking for extra help, as ds has a statement but even then this made no different at all. I do beleive they saw me as a threat and just wanted ds and me out of their school.

Who did you complain to?

I did have an appeal this year with the governors over another one of ds's exclusions. The reply I got was sarcastic and I knew then that I was wasting my time with the school.
So many things have happened at the school but the last straw came last week.

I do believe that ds must have pick up on some of the hostility towards him.
I am really appalled how they have treated ds and my family. I have never praised ds for his bad behaviour but I was made to feel a failure and they were never at fault at all.
Larsxx

[madmummyof2]

good on you hun.

my Dss school are horrible and i hate him being there. sadly we spent 6 months in a refuge when we left his dad abnd so he has already been through so much disruption i dont want to make things worse by moving him again. though if things do not improve soon i am going top have to look into it.

the new school sounds much more supportive and i hope he settles well.

[amynnixmum]

Lars,

I didn't trust the school to file my complaint 'correctly' so I copied the letter to my local MP, the Head of the LEA and also to the Diocese as it is a Catholic school.

The complaint itself needs to be investigated by the Chair of Governors before anyone else can get involved but if you are unhappy with their response you can then get the LEA actively involved.

I got replies from all the people I copied the letter to and I know they all also contacted the school. I wanted to make sure that my complaint was held on file and also that it was taken seriously. I think with all those people involved that the school really didn't have a choice.

If you are unhappy then complain. It took me a long time to feel strong enough to do this but i'm glad I did. It was stressful writing the complaint and having to go through everything again as I had removed ds from the school several months before. I was also very anxious about the meeting at the school but it was worth it.
I can walk away from it all now and know I did my best to make it better for the next person. The rest is up to the school and since i have removed both my children what they do is no longer my concern.

I know what you mean about feeling like they blame you. In spite of the apology the school didn't take resposiblity for any of the problems that ds experienced as a result of their strategies. It seems that they would prefer to think of him as a unique case that no one could help rather than accept that they made mistakes and direstly contributed to the extent and severity of his behavioural difficulties.

Strange how if he was sooo bad that he was ok at preschool both before and after he was at the old school and also that he is doing so well now in his new school. When I confronted them with this there was a lot of staring at the table and flicking through notes but surprisingly no explanation

Good luck with everything. With the right help it does get better.

[doormat]

Best of luck Lars in your quest
and to your ds too

[lars]

I just wanted to update this thread months later and give some hope to any other mumsnetters going through a similar problem.

Ds loves his new school. The school is really good with ds.
DS i s full time and ds's still has problems, but school is very supportive, he still wants to go when he feel's ill. What a difference!

Ds's now has had another assessment ASD. I really hate his last school and how we were treated. His new school believe they didn't help the situation. larsxx

[coppertop]

I'm glad it's all worked out so well. The right school can make such a huge difference. :)

[twokids]

well done hope it all works out at the new school:o

[roisin]

That's great news Lars
I'm so pleased it's working out well for your ds.

[jenk1]

Glad to see this thread lars, you have given me hope for my DS when he eventually goes back to school-hopefully a new one, glad your DS enjoys his new school