Want 2 yo to settle herself - in cot or in bed???

[sarahsmummy]

DD is almost 2 and has never settled herself at night; she had appalling colic (or whatever) for many months from birth and until she was around 20 months it was usual for me to be up for at least an hour with her during the night - ie she's never developed good sleeping habits although now (fingers crossed!) she is usually sleeping 10 hours.

In the evening, she has her milk on my/DH's lap, then snuggles in with blanket and falls asleep in our arms - takes between 10 and 40 mins to do so.

We've half-heartedly tried various ideas to try to get her to go in her cot and then fall asleep, but bottom line is that as soon as she hits the mattress, she's up and crying for us; similarly if we do manage to get her in the cot when almost asleep, she'll be up and crying if we leave her side until she's asleep.

We're starting to think about when to move her into a bed but don't know if we should have a concerted effort now to get her to settle herself and then move her to a bed OR move her to a bed and then try something.

My concern in waiting until she's in a bed is that if we do try to go cold turkey, she'll be able to just get out of bed and come and find us (and I don't like the idea of having a gate on her room that she'd stand crying at); but I also don't want to go through the process now only to have to do it all again when we move her.

I'd really welcome some advice on this.

[RuthChan]

No doubt other people will have different advise, but I'm afraid that getting your DD to settle herself is likely to be a stressful experience for all of you. However, it probably won't take as long as you think.

If you don't have any major dislike of the idea of controlled crying, that may be the best way to go. It will take a few nights and a lot of crying, but it will eventually teach her to go to sleep without you.
I'm sure you know the steps, but start by putting her in her cot awake and stroking her, hugging her, talking to her and soothing her, but without picking her up.
Each night you withdraw a little further and give her a little less support and comfort.
Eventually you should be able to put her to sleep with you sitting on a chair at the other side of the room and finally without you in the room at all.

I recommend keeping her in her cot for this process for two reasons.
One; it is her familar sleeping place.
She feels secure there. Learning to sleep alone will be stressful enough as it is without having to deal with a change in bed as well.
Secondly, you will appreciate that her cot has bars so that she can't climb out. It is likely that she will throw quite a tantrum and will try to reach you. Having the cot will help you during the process.

Don't worry, the entire process of teaching her to sleep alone will probably take less time than you think. The first couple of nights will be the hardest, but within a few days, she'll get the idea and you'll have more peaceful evenings and a lot more time to yourself.

Good luck with it.

[sarahsmummy]

thanks RuthChan - that's exactly why I originally thought doing it in the cot might be better. Bumping to see what other views there are??