Really miserable...

[Skimty]

Hi all. I'm not too sure this is the best place to post this but here goes.

I have two children DS (2.4) and DD (4mth). DS has always been a poor sleeper. He now sleeps about 11 hours a night with one waking when he comes and sleeps in a room with us. He wakes up between 5:30 and 6:30 no matter what time he goes to bed. However, he is constantly tired. He often almost drops off at about 4pm but if I let him then he is up for hours in the evening and gets less sleep over th 24hrs. He has big bags under his eyes and is obviously tired.

For the first two months I thought DD was different but she's now exhibiting all the signs of being over tired. She goes to sleep with DS in the evening but wakes screaming after 30mins and then screams until we bring her downstairs. She then settles about midnight and wakes acouple of times just for feeds. I usually wake her about 8 in the morning. However, she only naps for about an hour and a half in the day and now can't settle herself and is also showing signs of being overtired.

I feel like a shit mum. My children are tired and I can't seem to help them. Whatever I do seems to be wrong and now I have fucked up another baby. Clearly I'm very tired too and I'm sure this is affecting my judgement. People think I'm upset about their sleeping for me but really it's because they're both so tired and I cna't make it better.

Very ramblling - sorry. I just don't know where to go for help.

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

I'm a firm believer that children are to a certain extent preprogrammed and that not everything they do is down to their parenting so please don't beat yourself up about this.

Your first step should be talking to your hv and asking about sleep clinics in your area. I've got a friend who's had loads of help from our local one.

Good luck

[Greatsweetkittyothepuddingrace]

I feel your pain as I feel the exact same.

I have DD1 (4.6) who wakes once or twice for the toilet will whige and cry or come it to "see" us, DD2 (3) who will wakeat least once a night crying and need to be resettled and then DD3 (6m) who cannot go any longer than 4 hours without waking and needs to be fed to sleep. I would love her to sleep an hour and a half in the daytime, today she slept for 20 mins in her pram all day so was very gumpy and tired come dinnertime.

DD2 was a terrible sleeper as a baby too. Obviously having 2 toddlers around means I cannot lie down and feed DD3 during the day and she is so nosy the minute she is put in her cot she turns over and wants to see what is going on.

[Skimty]

Thanks I may phone HV tomorrow when DS is at preschool.

The thing is I've never left either of them to cry etc. Sometimes I think that they should be trained for their own good? Obviously I'm tired but I also believe that my job doesn't end at 6:30pm but what if I'm not really doing them a favour?

Parenting is shit isn't it? There's no easy answers.

[Skimty]

I wish I could bring myself to follow a certain lady at least she'd tell me exactly what to do!!

[Katharine19]

you sound like a lovely mum in a really difficult situation. Please don't think you've 'fucked up' your baby - I agree with greatsweetkitty that they seem to arrive preprogrammed. The sleep clinic sounds like a good idea.

loads of sympathy and hugs

[Milsy]

The Millpond Sleep Clinic is supposed to be good. They don't make you use CIO - they go with what you're comfortable with.

Poor you. Don't feel like you are doing it wrong. You sound like a lovely, caring mum. x

[zulubump]

Hi Skimty loads of sympathy from me. I have just one dd of 16 months who has had lots of sleeping troubles and I have found it tough at times. So it must be extra hard with the two to cope with. I don't want to push the idea of controlled crying on you because I always hated the idea, but have just resorted to it after a particularly bad episode of night-wakings in which I felt like I was turning into a psycho-mummy in the day. I really snapped at her a few times for no good reason and made her cry, so in the end I thought maybe it would be kinder to let her cry a bit more at night and hopefully get some better sleep. Then I can at least be nice mummy in the day! It has been hard to do but looking back, not as bad as I thought it might be. And so worth for us all to be getting some good sleep.

Your dd is still pretty young though, so it's maybe something to consider in a few months if she is still sleeping badly. It sounds like you are doing a great job. And please ignore my advice if you can't bear the idea of cc!

[chandellina]

i am struggling with my first, a six month old, who doesn't nap and wakes 4-5 times between midnight and 6am - so am no expert - but i am certain that you have not "fucked up another baby!"