Please help,...routine, no routine...aargh! Starting to feel like bad mummy.

[lionsandtigersandbears]

Sorry if this is long, DS is nearly 14 weeks. Me and dp were wanting to be in vague routine by now but we've been fairly relaxed about it and as a result not really in one and now not sure where we should go from here. At present bubba goes down at about midnight, sleeps thru till between 6 and 7, has a bottle, then back down until 9ish. Selfishly this is great, we get sleep, can go out with him in evening (often at our families) and he is a happy little soul. However, ideally we would like him to go down bit earlier so we can regain an evening and also feeling quite pressured from his family - dont get me wrong they are lovely and have best interests at heart but SIL's kids slept thru 13 hours from 6 weeks (but fed 8oz every 2-3 hours during the day) and MIL thinks we should be giving spoonful of baby rice as he 'should be going through the night by now'. Apparently last bottle is just 'habit'.DS has never been huge sleeper, cant imagine him sleeping 12 hours and has only ever napped in daytime. I'm reluctant to have screaming episodes at 2am but am under instructions to just give dummy or last resort water but he doesnt eat tons in the day (5oz bottles every 3-4 hours which he doenst always finish) so dont think its enough to see him though the night. Lastly I've been getting recurring infections from the birth and am now on very strong medication, which is no biggie but need decent sleep to recuperate. Please help, should I be doing 'earlier' and just persevere or leave it as it is??? Many thanks.

[potplant]

He is in a routine its just different.

Going to bed at midnight seems very late to me (I'm in bed by 10 myself) but if it suits you then get on with it.

As for MIL - you need to perfect the nodding head whilst ignoring look.

[MissisBoot]

I think at 14 weeks he's old enough to start bringing his bedtime earlier.

You have two options - cold turkey where you just bring bath bottle bed to the bedtime you want or you could just start putting him down 30 mins earlier each day.

You could also try doing a dream feed at 11pm ish - you'll have to do a search for this as I didn't ever do it but I've heard it can be good to encourage them not to wake through hunger.

Just ignore your mil - plenty of time for solids.

[littleboyblue]

If you want to bring bedtime earlier, you can try bringing time forward 15 minutes a day so not such a big shock to ds.
There's no reason he needs to be in bed early, it's not like he has to go to school or do anything tomorrow, so wouldn't worry about him being in bed too late as don't think there is a too late at this age.
I've been putting ds to bed at 7ish every night since he was 2 weeks coz he had bad colic and I couldn't bare to be anywhere near him after that time .
But completely understand the needing your evening back with dp, but also being able to get out in evening. Can family not come to you?
14 weeks is just over 3 months? Still young to go without nighttime feed. I waited til the end of 4 months to wean ds off night time.
I wouldn't give baby rice or anything like that, it's a generation thing though, in your MIL's day they weren't aware of the risks of things that we are today. She obviously has everyones best interests at heart, but it's not fair to compare your children or your parenting decisions to anyone elses....

[Maria2007]

Lions- in my book you're kind of lucky, and things are going great OK, perhaps 12-6/7 is not ideal according to all sleep books... but WHO CARES. If you're getting good sleep, then that's wonderful. My boy is almost 18 weeks (4 months) & we've kept to a 7-7.30 pm bedtime from the beginning, thinking it's for the best, & actually he took very well to it from the start & is used to it. BUT BUT BUT it means we're up all night, we are lucky if we get 1-2 hours uninterrupted sleep. Not saying it has to do with the early bedtime, just that if you're doing something that works, I wouldn't change it radically. Perhaps do what the others suggest, bring it forward by about 15 mins each day? And then you'll have a bit more time with your partner. As for the MIL... I agree with potplant, the nodding yet ignoring look is something I too need to work on!

[lionsandtigersandbears]

Thanks ladies....I really appreciate the support and perspective. I think we will try to bring it forward but not put too much pressure on ourselves.

[TheProvincialLady]

Gawd, just get what sleep you can and sod the relatives. It is not the law that babies have to sleep 7 - 7. As long as you are happy and your DS gets enough sleep it matters not one bit when he gets it.

It makes me really angry when people are nosey and interfere with things when they haven't been asked and when there is nothing wrong. But then I am heavily pregnant and hormonal Give me their address, I'll sort em out for you..

[Sufi]

Blimey, at 14wks my DS was waking up every 1-2 hours, and that went on til, oooh, about 11 months. Enjoy the good rest you're getting - let him find his own routine (my DS started putting himself to bed earlier and earlier from about 4mo, though we had 'issues' elsewhere - and we had a bath-boob-bed routine, so take from that what you will). I'd relax a bit if I were you, do what works best, maybe start gently bringing his bedtime back if he's amenable to it and then, once he's going to bed around th 7pm mark, introduce a lovely bath/boob/bed routine.

But really, it's early days yet. And I've never met anyone in RL whose child slept 12 hours from 3 months. Do they really exist?! xx

[Sufi]

Oh, and DS had night feeds until 9mo. And he was HUNGRY until then - until he was really eating solids properly during the day, so cutting out the milk now, IMO, is too early. And baby rice 'advice' is nonsense: it contains less fat and calories than milk, so won't fill him up. Old wives tale.

[lionsandtigersandbears]

Thankyou, thankyou. Normally I'm fairly chilled, this motherhood business certainly brings out a whole new level of stress!Sometimes its hard not to listen to all the 'advice'.

[bluebump]

He sounds very much like my DS who has gradually brought his sleep time earlier himself. He'll go to sleep about 3.30/4pm until 7pm ish then go back down about 10pm at the absolute latest, usually a bit earlier.

I'm worse than you, I just let my DS pass out on the sofa when he's with us for the 3.30-7pm sleep as it saves the tears of putting him to bed on his own, he then has his last feed and goes to sleep the same time as us quite happily in his own bed. He is quite happy to sleep wherever so I can't be doing that badly.

[jsparkle]

Hello Lions. Please let me know how you get on - we sound very similar. I have a 13 week old who goes down at midnight and sleeps until 6/7 or 8 if we are lucky. We have tried to put her down at 7 for the last few weeks as she was (and still is) a very irritable grumpy baby in evenings! However, we failed miserably and have gone back to the midnight sleep and grumpy evenings. It didn't work cos she would go down for about 40 min and then wake between every 20 and 30 minutes between 7 and 11 - so we were up and down to her bedroom all evening. I have no idea what we were doing wrong - so would love to see how you get on.

xx

[rempy]

Smile, nod, and if MIL persists with offering crap advice, direct her to the government websites etc that state clearly not to wean until 6 months.

And then you can direct her here to see how bloody brillant a sleeper your baby is compared to many many others of the same age (16 week DS does go into cot at 7.30.... and then wakes for a feed at 9, 11, sometimes 1, 4, and then usually ends up in bed with me because I'm so knackered)

[Tinkjon]

Your MIL may not know that solids aren't recommended 'til 6 months these days. Next time she says it, pull a horrified face and say "oh my goodness, they say that can be really dangerous now!" and she might be guilted into shushing. Or my SIL has a good one for annoying advice - she smiles and nods and says "great idea - I'll talk to my HV/midwife about that" and promptly ignores said advice.

[ches]

14 weeks is FAR TOO EARLY to night wean, far too early to give baby rice (risk of kidney damage FGS) and far too early to be giving water. Your MIL is giving dangerous advice.

[Maria2007]

Ches- ok, agreed, far too early to night wean, far to early to give baby rice.. but to be giving some water (if needed)? Why on earth would that be a problem?! It's only water for god's sake. I haven't felt that DS needs it, so haven't given any so far, but am sure that if we were living in a really hot climate (e.g. greece, spain etc in the summer) I definitely would have given some water on top of the breastfeeding. Why on earth not?!

[lionsandtigersandbears]

Thanks for all the input, sparkle i'll definitely let you know how i get on...and likewise. I took him into the bedroom a wee bit earlier last night and he was asleep quite quickly and without a fuss, tho suspect more luck than judgement!!! And of course we had an ealier wake time. I've just felt that we're doing the 'wrong' thing, and was starting to feel a bit upset about all the contradictory advice....even tho in my heart of hearts I know as long as he is happy and healthy there is no such thing.

[SydneyB]

Lions, if you're getting that long stretch I'd leave well alone. DD used to do that but DS is an every 2 hr waker and we've just started putting him down at 7ish because if we don't have a night we might as well have an evening. I wouldn't have bothered if he was doing 6/7 hrs at night!

[MrsMattie]

Sounds like a good routine to me. Your baby is sleeping for 6-7 hour stretches at 14 weeks- fab! Ignore your MIL / SIL. All babies (all families) are different.

[ches]

Maria, the advice from the NHS, WHO, etc. is EXCLUSIVE milk (breast or formula) until 6 months. That means no water, nothing, until 6 months. Numerous studies have shown that including water and other non-milk items in the diet of babies younger than 6 months is detrimental. They do not have thirst due to a liquid diet, and the liquids that they desire need to be nutritive. The only point of giving water prior to 6 months (except perhaps in the desert in summer) is to replace milk. So why on earth would you give water?