co-sleeping prem babies advice please

[rascal1979]

Before LO was born I was adament that she would be in her own crib and (stupidly) thought that after a feed she could be winded and go to sleep. HA!

She is now 16 weeks (was 9 weeks prem so 7 weeks corrected age) and is cluster feeding from 4pm/5pm til 10pm then sleeps til 11 or 12pm feeds then sometimes goes in her crib and sleeps til 2am or 3am (but could be just til 1am and doesn't always settle in her crib so ends up in with me) when she wakes for a feed Then there is little chance of her going back in her cribs because she

1. Cries and cries and cries
2. is sick everywhere - is a sickly baby

The easiest thing to do particularly in my sleep deprived state is to let her fall asleep on my chest in bed with a blanket over her.

However I'm not sleeping cos I'm worried about SIDS - she is still under 6lb so really tiny to have in bed with me.

I know I can't do the crying out method yet and TBH don't think I ever will be able to...and cos she is sick so much putting her down in the middle of the night often means changing her and the sheets loads ( ie 3 times in 20 min the other night)

Am I being a bad mum? Am I making a massive rod for myself?

People have told me that you can't 'spoil a baby' until it is 6mths old but she seems to be getting used to going to sleep on/with me and I'm sooo knackered.

If I'm not 'spoiling her' how do I cope wioth this lack of sleep?

Bit ramble-y sorry! but please help me

[mybestfriendiscalledstig]

bump

[weasle]

bump for you

[elizabethsmum]

Do you think it is reflux?? Not had any expereince of it myself but just wondering with the sickness etc whether that might be making it more difficult to settle?? I know it is common in prem babies.

[SparklyGothKat]

Callum was the same Rascel, he had reflux.

[SparklyGothKat]

Callum was the same Rascel, he had reflux.

[SparklyGothKat]

oh and I used to put a few muslin squares in his crib, if he was sick, I could whip it away and still have clean sheets.

[specialmagiclady]

Try and get a break during the day is my advice. If you can bear it. Otherwise, you could just accept that this is a very short time in your tiny baby's - and your - life and somehow get through it.

Deffo check out reflux though. And the Muslin tip is good.

[NorthernLurker]

Can you get any advice from your SCBU about the risks/benefits of co-sleeping. Normally I would say just keep her in with you but she is wee at the moment and that's outside my experience. so i'm a fat lot of use aren't I?

Could your partner or mum do some of the night shift - taking her downstairs after feeds so you get a chance at a straight three hours - it would make a lot of difference to you.

I don't think you can spoil a baby of that age btw - she just wants to be close to you - but you need to find a way through that which is safe and restful for you both. Good Luck

[SparklyGothKat]

BTW I did co-sleep with Callum on and off, depending on my tireness. And that was from when he came home at 4lb 2oz. I used to lay on my side with him in my arms. He is sleeping through now and in his own room.

[SparklyGothKat]

but if hbe does wake at 5am I do bring him back to my bed for a few hours

[Swaliswan]

OK, you have a few very sensible concerns and they were my concerns with DD who was prem (although was 6lb3oz at birth ). It is normal to worry about SIDS but the way that the data is presented to parents in this country about SIDS assumes that parents cannot make a good decision themselves. The rate of babies dying from SIDS whilst co-sleeping is dramatically reduced if you exclude all of the babies who died because their parents did not follow basic co-sleeping guidelines. In fact, the rate is reduced so much that it is considerably lower than that of a baby sleeping on it's back in a cot in the feet-to-foot position. I can't find the evidence for this right now and am about to go to bed, but I think it might be Dr Sears who has looked at the stats in America in great detail. So, if you are happy to believe this then you need to know how to co-sleep safely. I'm about to go to bed so I can't guaruntee that I'll remember everything but you need to not be a smoker, not be taking medication that may cause drowsiness (whether you think it does for you or not), not have had an alcoholic drink and not be obese if you are a safe parent to co-sleep. As your baby is now past her due date, she should be safe to co-sleep although this is a rather grey area. Your bed should ideally be placed against a wall without a gap and your bedding should be suitable as should any bedding that you place on your baby. The easiest way to ensure that your baby's bedding is safe is to not co-sleep until your LO weighs enough to be in a grobag so that she can't slip under a blanket (about 7.5lbs).

As for the sickness, you might want to consider putting a spare sheet/muslin over the area where your LO sleeps as long as you can ensure that she won't get caught up in it. Alternatively, if she is in a cot, make sure that it is tilted as this will help her (reflux is typical of prem babies to some degree and they will grow out of it eventually).

I personally think that you are definitely not being a bad mum just a normal one who is very tired. More people unintentionally co-sleep than admit to it. The thing is, it would be a lot safer to stop pretending that you aren't going to co-sleep and just make sure that you are prepared for a safe night. You certainly aren't making a rod for your back or spoiling her. I used to find that my DD would go to sleep if I held her and seemed a lot more relaxed about nighttime feeding. I wonder if she used to get anxious that mummy wouldn't be there if she got hungry when she was in her moses basket? If you are really concerned that you don't end up co-sleeping full time, why don't you make a rule that you will only co-sleep at certain times or when she is having a growth spurt. If you can encourage her to be willing to sleep in her moses basket from time to time, then you will give yourself more options.

Try not to worry. It is common for newborns to want to co-sleep as they need mummy there when they are so tiny. My DD used to go longer between feeds if we co-slept (I used to get a whole two hours sleep in one go!). You will find out what works for you and this may change as she gets bigger. My DD does like to sleep in our bed now if she is poorly or feeling a bit precious but there is no way that anyone would get any sleep if she permanently slept in our bed now - the little monkey!

[Swaliswan]

My goodness, I do go on a bit when I'm tired, don't I?!