CALLING ALL CO-SLEEPERS OR FORMER CO-SLEEPERS...advice please

[RoRoMommy]

Hello all, thanks in advance for reading.

My DH and I have co-slept with DS since he was born. We started in a double bed, then, as DS got bigger and wigglier (around 4 months), we got a queen sized bed. Now DS is 9 months and it seems that even such a large bed is not large enough for DS, DH and myself, so DH has quite graciously been sleeping in the lounge on the couch (we are not worried about DH, he has insisted that he feels no resentment about this arrangement, and that he's quite happy to continue to do so until DS starts sleeping more soundly through the night).

So DS and I are in a queen sized bed and because he rolls around so much I am relegated to the far edge depending on which side I am feeding from; sometimes he still rolls over onto me and seems to wake himself up.

Here's my question: First, have any other co-sleepers had this experience during the same age, and did it pass? DS is teething really badly with his seventh and eight teeth, so this is part of the unsettled-ness.

Second, might DS and I both get more sleep if DS is moved to his own cot? At the moment I wake up probably 5-6 times through the night, but most of those times are for very short periods just to give DS a boob or comfort him. Probably at the most once a night I have to pick him up and rock him then settle him back into our bed. If he is in a cot, won't I have to settle him completely each time he wakes before he'll let me put him back down?

NOTE: I am not willing to try any kind of CC to obtain the holy grail of a sleep-through, which I am not expecting for at least another year anyway. I just want to know if (a) this stage is likely to pass, (b) if some other parents had the experience of an LO actually being happier and sleeping better in own cot without CC such that (c) we all might get more sleep that way.

Sorry for the marathon post...and thanks again for any replies.

[mylittleponey]

could try a mattress on the floor?

[TheGoatofBitterness]

i put dd in a cot jammed up against the bed and she used to suck my finger for comfort. definitely worked at the time. everyone slept better. [ goat walks off wondering why dd is back in her bed aged 4]

[karen999]

Hi, I have done both - co-sleeping (with dd1) and then CC with dd2.

I co-slept and ended up just like you with ex dh sleeping on the couch....this lasted for nearly three years! It took an eternity to get her out of our bed. It was what she was used to.

When dd2 came along I didn't want the same thing to happen again, so at the age of 12 weeks I moved her into her own room and cot and did CC. She sleeps through and goes down without a peep. I know this is not for everyone but it worked for me.

Have you tried a one of those cots that attack to the side of the bed? My friend has one and she says they are good.

[cazboldy]

My dd is 9 months too - surely he isn't that big yet? If he is waking for you surely he still needs you in the night. I agree they are very wriggly, but haven't really got any advice about stopping co - sleeping, as mine have all just done it by themselves.

[katwith3kittens]

Teething can be a real pain for you and them.

My youngest is 12 months and in the middle of a king size bed with both of us, I seem to have similar patterns to you it seems. I'm sure the restlessness will pass when the tooth pops through. My LO is definitely not happier in his own cot when he wakes in the middle of the night and I find it so much easier to have him next to me as he just drops off when he is finished, theres no settling back down. If its too much for DH he movs into the sparebedroom

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

the second the goat's idea about the cot next to the bed. take the side off so that it adds a couple of feet of space to your bed. half the time i'd end up sleeping half in the cot but at least I was sleeping!!

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

the I second

[RoRoMommy]

Thanks Goat and Purplemonkey, we used to have a co-sleeper, but I found it difficult to get him into it when he was finished feeding, and we ditched it when we got the bigger bed...plus he's so big now that I don't know if it's big enough for him...and we have a drawer for shoes on the side which would prevent it from being put in place. That and a mattress on the floor would both require a bit more furniture ditching than I think we're prepared for...

Kat, thanks, at least it's possible that this is just a phase.

Caz, when did your LOs stop co-sleeping? He is a big boy, but it's the rolling around that's the issue, iyswim.

Thanks Karen, I am glad it worked for you, I just know myself and I couldn't do it; plus DS is stubborn and strong so I think we'd be in for a SERIOUS fight.

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

i can't remember specifically but i'm sure we had the sma eproblem with DS. (it;s all a bit hazy now, i was pretty sleep deprived at the time!!)
We've recently put DS (2.3yo)into his own double bed in his own room. it was amazingly easy. i think because he was used to being in a big bed anyway. we lie with him to get him to sleep and he usually ends up in our bed anyway but we get a fdew hours to ourselves (we've been able to have SEX! in our own BED!!)
what was the point i was trying to make? oh yes, when they are little you think that they'll be in your bed forever but it usually ends up being pretty painless (at least it was for us)
but we never stressed about him not sleeping though. and don't mind him coming in to us (which is more of a lazy thing on our part. he'd probably go back to sleep in his own bed but at 3 am all you can think about it getting a couple more uninterupted hours!!)
does this have anything to do with the OP? not really. sorry. just on a typing roll i guess!!

[RoRoMommy]

No, purplemonkey, that's great. It's nice to hear about how it's worked for other people, and if at just over two your LO was happy to be in his own bed for at least part of the time, that's not bad at all IMO. The sex in your own bed thing is certainly a nice thought...the couch is just not comfortable!

[cazboldy]

ds1 was about 16 months
dd1 1 year
ds2 4 and a half!
ds3 13 months
dd1 still there!

and they all went from my bed to their own...the cot was the biggest waste of money ever!

[pib]

G sort of in her own bed - a toddler bed right beside ours. she stays there for up to 4 hours then wriggles on top of me to feed / comfort. sometimes she makes her own way back to her bed sometimes she kicks her dad out of our bed! but it is really hard to know what to do for the best - would she sleep through if she wasn't right next to me????

like cazboldy the cot was a huge waste of money.

[CloudAtlas]

I would definitely recommend you get ds in his own bed, starting with a cot right next to your bed would be a gentle way to do it. He'll still end up in your bed all the time anyway, but the sooner he gets used to at least some time in his own cot, the sooner he'll want to spend the night in it and the sooner you'll get a full nights sleep. If my unerstanding is correct, there is no point in cc unless they are in their own room, and tbh it s Good luckeems a bit harsh to go from your bed to own room overnight. On the other hand it would definitely be the quickest route to a full nights sleep, but probably the most traumatic too.