Please help me, I am getting to the end of my tether and dont know how much longer I can cope

[ELF1981]

History.

When DD was born, she was b/fed, typically lying down on our bed and we would then put her in the moses basket / then crib / then cot (in her room by this point). She was fed like this til 18 months.

At 18 months I stopped b/feeding, we moved onto bottle feeding and it would take us a while, but we'd lie on the bed together, bottle feed and she'd go to sleep, then we'd put her in her bed (as trying to put her in the cot to begin with made her scream until she was sick, she'd only ever go in asleep).

We had a rough few weeks where she refused to sleep, and at 10:00 (her bedtime was 7) she could still be screaming in our room / her room, so I caved, and we started tp get her to sleep in the pram and take her upstairs.

At 22/23ish months we removed the bars on the cot, put up a bed guard and we would take her upstairs, read her a story (or three), she'd have a bottle (or two) and she would go to sleep. So up at 7:00 to bed and asleep by 8:00 at the latest.

However, she now gets out of bed and comes into our room three or four times a night. She'll probably wake the first time around 11:00, sometimes I can sooth her and get her to sleep in her room. Sometimes she comes into our room, sleeps on our bed and I put her back.

If she was SLEEPING in our room i would not be massively bothered because although I dont want her sleeping in our bed, at least we were all asleep. But she isn't. the last three/four weeks, she has been awake between 3:00 until anything between 4:00 until 5:30. Sometimes she is awake and crying, sometimes she is just wide awake.

please help me. I cant cope with the lack of sleep anymore. I work full time, as does my husband, he is in the middle of his nvq for his work, and I am in the middle of my final year of AAT. It cannot be good for her not to be sleeping (she used to sleep 7-7). She is now 2.

Could it be the guard on the cot that is bothering her (I can feel the bars slightly through the mattress, but would it be a disaster to move it?) Is it being made worse by her refusal over the past week or so to eat any tea?

Please help. I dont want to have to do controlled crying but I cant see another way.

[ELF1981]

Thank you for the post.
I think I am finding it hard to cope with because she was such a good sleeper before - no matter how we got her to sleep, she'd do a full 12 hours, and now to suddenly go away from that and not know why, it is difficult!

[ELF1981]

No tensions really. No fighting between me and DH and even though we are studying, we dont do so until after she goes to sleep, so she isn't really aware. We are having some troubles trying to sell our house etc, it has fallen through a couple of times, we are trying not to talk about it around her though.

[ELF1981]

(Plus me and DH were studyign last year too, and same work hours etc, so it isn't anything new we are doing in that respect)

[seeker]

Does she sleep if she gets into bed with you? I know you said you don't want to do that, but if it gets you all more sleep.....

[buggyaholic]

Hi my 2y8m little girl has preferred me sleeping in her room at the momnet its the only way i can get her to sleep ?? please is this just a stage ??

[ELF1981]

Seeker, my only worry is getting her back in her own bed, plus tbh DH and I go to bed fairly early to talk, watch tv and stuff, so would be kind of restricted iyswim!!

[Jojay]

I think if I were you, I would try a sort of sleep training - saying that, I have no experience of 2 year olds, my ds is younger so feel free to ignore this if it sounds impossible / rubbish.

Can you try consistently returning her to her own bed, and initially staying with her until she's asleep? Then once she's got the hang of that, return her to her bed and use a gradual withdrawal method?

I think the key is a complete lack of response on yout part - just put her back in her own bed and stay with her until she's asleep. Don't do anything, just put her back in bed if she gets out.

Hopefully she'll realise that there is no point in getting out of bed, as she just gets put back in again, and there is no fun and games / kisses and cuddles from you.

It will be hard to start with, and I'm sure she'll be very cross, but you're not abandoning her to cry, just showing her what to do in the night.

Could you take a week off work to start this?

The Baby Whisperer website has some good case studies and advice for this sort of thing, and they don't do controlled crying.

HTH

[ELF1981]

Thanks for the post Jo, I will have a look at the site (I had the book, flicked through it when dd was a few weeks old and I wasnt really focusing, but I like the way she came across)
These past few nights when she has woken up, we haven't spoken to her etc, she just gets in our bd and goes to sleep We put her back to bed later in the night, but it is the total awake for those couple of hours which get to me! DH tells me to ignore her and go to sleep, let her play / run around etc! but it is difficult!

[seeker]

Once they were past babyhoos, we always made a point of putting ours to bed in their own beds. Dp and I coud then go to bed in our bed to chat and stuff (not that there was much "stuff' happening at that stage!). Then if anybody came night wandering, they were whisked into bed as fast as possible, and expected t o go back to sleep as quickly and undisturbingly as possible. They got very good at it - and very soon could creep into out bed withoug waking us up.
Maxsimum sleep for maximum numer of people (as someone on her says!

[fizzbuzz]

Am just doing BW stuff with nightmare dd 16 months, and it does seem to be working.

When she gets up take her back to bed, don't speak to her, lay her down and leave the room, keep doing it (surely you must have watched "Super Nanny" )

The other thing on BW is Walk in Walk out, which seems to be working. Eg walk in , lay her down and walk out. If she cries/screams etc, go straight back in and lay her down and walk straight out. The WI?WO is important because it means you are not leaving her to cry

We have put up with hell from dd for 6 months (and I mean hell, it has been awful, but one week of biting bullet and she is improving)

[suni7]

Not sure this is any help, but I am also at the end of my tether. We have a 4 week old and a kitchen extension going on. Our one doesn't sleep for longer than 2 hrs during the night and sometime less wide awake and feeding constantly. I feel like I want to run away somewhere, I'm so teary, wondering if this will ever end. I really want to believe that it will get better

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Oh poor you Suni. It is really hard when they are so young and it is horrible that you have the builders in at the same time. It is so stressful. Of course it will get a lot better and quite soon. I know it's a cliche but do try and nap with your baby when you can, it helps a lot. I used to get DH to look after DS for a couple of hours in the evening whilst I got some sleep too.

[suni7]

Thank-you. It's lovely to know that I can get some support on this site. I've resorted to buying a swing today to see if she will settle and allow me to sleep during the day...we'll see. I often wonder whilst lying in bed awake tears rolling down my cheeks, soothing, feeding, changing etc of how many other women are out there doing the same

[Shitemum]

suni7 - there are millions of us, tho i never found that much consolation TBH

[susiecutiebananas]

I can firmly assure you that I am at least doing the same suni and my Dd is nearly 10 months old now... i seem to have got used to the lack of sleep somehow. so it doesnt seem so bad any more, but at times it does catch up and i feel terrible again.

I have a really good book from a sleep clninc, which worked really well for us for a short while. the problem was Dd is still in our room. so as soon as she could turn over and prop herself up, she could see us, and its all gone out of the window now. moving soon to 2 bedrooms so she will have her own there. I am planning on reall;y biting hte bullit again, and not stopping til we succeed. It was done without controlled crying.

my Dd has a problem with going from light sleep to deep sleep. most wake up slightly and can re settle quickly. She doesnt, which is apparently a common problem. we know this as she wakes after about an hour an half of sleep fairly often. sometimes she will go throgh 2 sleep cycles then wake. max has been 3 hours.

[NineUnlikelyTales]

What was the book called susie?

[fizzbuzz]

Well If it is any help, I lay there last night tears roling down my face as dd was awake for about 5 hours on and off last night..........

[susiecutiebananas]

I'll juat go an have alook... just a mo!

[susiecutiebananas]

"Teach you child to sleep"
author: Millpond Childrens Sleep Clinic


"Solving Sleep problems from newborn to childhood"

published by Hamlyn
ISBN: 0-600-61345-3

It is full of really gentle and kind of comon sense stuff... ( which i seem to lack when i come to my own baby, but have abundance of with anyone elses It also has really good explanation on sleep cycles. It talks about how much sleep a child ought to be having in the day time, and how to achieve it, or to adjust if your child doesnt need that much. i.e. it helps you identify what your baby needs. its not too general...

says on the back :

"adapt the program to suit your circumstances and how your child responds"
"covers a range of situations from needing a feed or cuddle to fall asleep to early and night waking."

It really is good. iwill definitely be using it properly when we have her in her own room. for us, there wa just no point as she can see us and just shouts daddddeeeeee or mmmeeeeee meee eee sob sob... bless her. its too hard to ignore those pleas!

( it was £9.99 in waterstones. )

HTH

oh, and its really easy to read in small chunks i did when i was feedig Dd

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Sounds great, I might try and get hold of a copy - thanks

[suni7]

Sounds like a good book. We're still debating whether our DD should go into her own room at 3 or 6 months. Its so tempting to keep her in our bed as well, but I don't want her to get used to it. I've read blogs where mums have said they have just accepted the lack of sleep, I guess you have to to survive! One thing I've been doing is going to bed a bit earlier so my DH can look after our DD for a few hours before my night shift.

Someone also suggested giving a tiny bit of farley's rusks in the final feed to fill them up, not sure about that just yet as she's only 4 weeks.

[suni7]

Fizzbuzz, here's to a few ours sleep tonight and a huge hug for the tears if our little ones have an all nighter.