help help help help help! If you can!

[bluetop]

Hi, I am just a bit desperate and writing on here just incase anyone has some good advice for me. I have a 9mo who wakes on average about 6 times a night. I have co-slept and bf to sleep from the beginning. Now I am so sleep-deprived I can't think and get exhausted just doing the shopping. I need to go back to work in 3months and I don't want to try to do it in this state. I still wouldn't do cc - so I got the No cry sleep solution and have been doing the Pantly Pull Off. Now he CAN go to sleep just sleepy from the breast and in his cot at the beginning of the night, but he STILL wakes up all through the night and insists of bf to go back to sleep. (I tried keeping him in the cot once we went to bed but he wouldn't settle for 3 hours - I tried this for 3 nights, and gave up and took him into bed with us) I think I have to just stop bf-ing to sleep but I can't seem to find the energy to keep myself awake and do some hard nights - but thats probably what I need. I'm feeling trapped and stuck! The worst thing is I get angry with my lo. Apologies for sounding completely hopeless but if you have been where I am and got out I would love to hear from you! Thanks!

[MamaG]

Would you consider CC now? I hated the idea of it, but, at the end of my tether and completely exhausted I tried it with my then 18 mo DS and it worked after 3 nights.

I do empathise with you

[bluetop]

Thanks for the empathy! I don't feel I could do cc though, not at this stage.

[arizona]

Hi bluetop! I'm a bit hazy now about how it all worked out but it did in the end. I had dd in bed until about 10 months and breastfed her back to sleep through the night. It helped that she didn't sleep during the day so was usually knackered come bed time. Sure it will get better. Probably some good advice on the way! Take care.x

[MamaG]

Aw bluetop, I couldn't either at 9 m

[bluetop]

Thanks arizona and mamaG, I know it won't last forever. But yes, am hoping for any advice!

[Olihan]

You have all my sympathy, I also have a sleepless 8mo who wakes up at least 3 times a night. Like you, i can't contemplate cc and we've got the NCSS book, which is helping. He slept for 12 hours straight the other night - it was a one off but at least he can do it!

It's hard knowing which part of the cycle to break first, isn't it? How desperate are you to get him into his cot? If that's your priority then I'd spend a few nights (start with daytime naps if he doesn't already have them in his cot, it's easier!) doing that - it may well mean less sleep to start with but may make the rest easier. NCSS has quite a few good tips on settling them in a cot after co sleeping.

Do you have a dp/dh? Would he (she?) be willing to take over some of the night wakings so that your ds doesn't have the milk association? I was thinking if you managed to get ds sleeping in his cot between feeds then your dp could do every other wake up so the wake up/feed association is broken. He may well then naturally reduce his wakings anyway. That did help us, we had a 15 minute rule whereby if ds2 was still screaming after 15 mins then I'd feed him but dh tried to settle him first.

The other thing we did was to move him into his own room as I felt as though we were disturbing him and having me close by encouraged him to wake, in a way. That did make a big diffeence as he started to go longer between wakings (from every hour to every 3 hours ish).

They're the 3 things that we've had some success with, anyway. Like I said, he's not great yet but it's making a difference and I feel slightly less zombified than I did a few weeks ago .

[bluetop]

Thanks Olihan. I think I might eventually try what you did with my dh helping alternately to settle him. I am not sure about when to move him to a cot and a seperate room - I think both would help but part of the problem is my own attachment to having him snuggling next to me! But I have a feeling he will sleep much better in his own room. If I could do an inbetween with him in the cot next to me that might feel alright, although I tried this one night and he wouldn't settle.
It must have been so amazing when your lo slept for 12 hours! And its heartening to hear that the NCSS has helped.

[ImBarryScott]

Hi bluetop!
Much sympathy. My dd is 6 months and has been a terrible sleeper from birth.

I too am returning to work shortly, so I understand the stomach-churning feeling of contemplating having to pretend to be a professional working woman on very little sleep.

We have different issues to you. My dd is addicted to swaddling and her dummy. We are trying to work on things by addressing naps first. I know that this will take longer, as we still swaddle/dummy at night, but my resolve is sufficiently strong to tolerate a teeny bit of crying in the day (crying in my arms, not cc). Could you try working on naps?

I did also find DD's sleep improved when we moved her into her room, rather than her bedside cot, as she sleeps so lightly that I think we were waking her.

In the meantime, please come and join us on the Sleep is For the Weak Thread. None of our babies sleep through, most never have, and my dd is youngest. We support each other to deal with the torture that is sleep deprivation!

[specialmagiclady]

Why do you want to change his habits now? You're not going to work for 3 more months. If you like sleeping together, then enjoy it for a little bit longer, if you like.

You just need to weigh up whether you like the weight of his warm sleepy body more than you like sleep. (this is possible!)

When you REALLY want things to change, you will find the strength to do CC or whatever.

If you're already at that point, then something I've learnt the hard way, is that you need to make changes REALLY gradually. Don't suddenly bung your LO into own cot, refuse to feed back to sleep and expect him to go through the night.

Start by moving him into his own cot, and BF settle him every time he wakes. You may find you sleep more deeply between feeds when you're not worrying about rolling over onto him. I do.

Then start enrolling dh into the "every second wake-up" rule or whatever you decide to do next.

The other thing to say is, if you ARE going to do CC, the younger you do it, in a way, the better. It's really hard to listen to your LO crying for half an hour. But when they're screaming "Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!" it's even worse!

I'm facing weaning DS1 (2.7) off the dummy in the near future. It's going to be hell!

Also, the other thing is sometimes my baby (DS2 5 months) just wants me to go away so he can get on with sleeping. If I stand over him, he thinks I'm going to pick him up. So I just have to leave him to cry occasionally. It's okay. He's not going to die. And if he gets really hysterical, I go and give him a cuddle.

(This is all day naps. He's a hopeless overnight sleeper but still very very small so that's okay)

[bluetop]

thanks for your ideas and thoughts. Was terrible last night - every half an hour it felt like. I guess we have to take action. I do love him sleeping next to me but its not much good if I'm getting so tired and miserable and also frustrated with him sometimes. My dh is pretty fed up with it now...so now its just finding the right plan.
specialmagiclady, i agree about gradually and am considering the plan of cot in room first and bfing, then later doing the refusing and other ways of comforting, then eventually move to own room. (though it feels hard for me to think of the move!)
Imbarryscott, i have looked at the siftw thread and i might join but trouble is I live in New zealand so the time difference will make me out of sync with everyone! (my morning = your night) but maybe...thanks for the invite