co-sleeping

[blessedwith3daughters]

I am looking for other mums who have their baby sleeping in bed with them. I feel pressured into setting up a bedtime "routine" now that my baby is a bit older (8 months), and I am wondering how other mums who co-sleep with their baby do this? I really don't want to do the controlled crying thing. She is such a contented baby.
Up until now she has fallen asleep in the evening while breastfeeding and I just sit and read or watch TV with her on my lap until I am ready to go up to bed. It is very pleasant! However, I kind of feel that I should be putting her down to bed on her own.
The problem is, as she was a little "unexpected gift", we don't actually have a bedroom for her, or space in our room for a cot for her. Besides, my partner and I are quite happy with the co-sleeping thing.
I have 2 older daughters of 12 and 15 and I co-slept with them, but I was a single parent then!
Also, how do you deal with criticisms from other people? I find I just don't tell people (esp health visitors!)

[FrannyandZooey]

Hi blessed, I think most co-sleepers are still in bed now

I co-slept with my ds until he was 3, and stayed with him while he went to sleep for about the same time. Sleeping near or with your baby does seem to help protect against SIDS and you could mention that if people criticise. However your strategy of not mentioning it also works well!

We did find when ds got around your dd's age that he slept less well on my lap in the evenings, and we moved him to a pram while we were in the sitting room. Later we started putting him to bed up in our room (futon on the floor means no worries about rolling off) as he seemed to get more sleep that way, but we always stayed with him till he dropped off.

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

the big question is: are you happy with your current situation?
if the answer is YES then why change it?
co-sleeping great. I still do it with my DS and he's 19mo. just enjoy your baby and don't worry about what other people think!

[admylin]

When ds was about that age I would take him and put him to bed when he went to sleep after his last feed if he was in a deep sleep I left him, if he woke I stayed for half an hour until he slept then I went and had some time for myself before I went to bed. He slept with us until he was nearly 4 - I really missed him when he moved to his own bed. Dd always slept next to me in her cot until she was 3 then they both had a room to share which they happily moved into.

[DaddyJ]

And if your partner needs any advice on how to deal with the comments from well-meaning mates, this is how I did it:

Other fathers would on occasion put an arm around me, fix with me with a stern, paternal look and say something like ?you know, this co-sleeping, it?s not good for the, you know, relationship?.
I would then tell them about all the passionate ?relationship-activity? that we were enjoying on sofas, across kitchen tables and under the shower (obviously, slightly overembellished).

The look on their faces ? priceless

[recoveringmum]

dont do controlled crying. i never agreed to do it and ended up never neeading to.

also, dont pay attention to what others say! every morning when my dd1 woke up and saw us in bed she would have a huge smile. what a great way to start the day. many times children who sleep in their own room wake up crying.

i had the same thing - dd1 would fall asleep bfeeding. then i stopped when she was 9 months and it did become more difficult to put her to sleep, she ended up staying in bed with us until she was 2. (4 months after dd2 was born, and dd2 slept in a moses basket next to the bed.)

then i spent some time explaining to dd1 that she will get her own room and bed, and everynight i spent a lot of time telling her (used words instead of just leaving her, so she didnt have to cry). it took 3 weeks and a lot of repeat explanations but that was it, she moved to her own bed and sleeps there every night.
now dd2 sleeps in the bed with us....

a friend of mine with the same scenario (her dd1 stayed in her bed until she was 3) just moved her two a matress on the floor next to the bed.

good luck, and dont listen to others when it comes to your parenting. usually a mother's instincts and her gut feeling represent the best for her child.

[recoveringmum]

i second that daddyg

[recoveringmum]

and sorry for all the typos

[DaddyJ]

One other thing people will tell you is that you will never, ever get them out of your bed.
Well, from what I have heard and read on this forum and on co-sleeping websites they do eventually make the transition to their own bed.
How did it happen with your two previous dds?

But if not, or if you and dp ever feel that you need to ?accelerate? the transition there are some effective but relatively gentle methods
around that would come to the rescue, for example the gradual retreat approach.

Co-sleeping works for you and your family so why mess up a good thing! Long may it last!

[Celery]

blessedwith3daughters, I do exactly the same as you with my "unexpected gift". He is 14 months now, and after the other two go to bed ( they are 6 and 3 ), he stays downstairs with us, has a bottle on the sofa and snoozes on our laps until we all go up to bed later on. He's still in a cot ( or our bed ) in our room too, because we haven't got around to sorting out the bedroom sharing issue. It's partly due to laziness and mostly due to sheer knackeredness, but we're all pretty happy with the situation. It's not that we planned for it to happen like this, but we just have never got around to sorting out a bedtime routine for him! I think if he was awake in the evening it would be differerent, but a sleeping baby on your lap or the sofa really is no bother.

To be honest, I don't think we'll bother trying for a routine whilst he's still in a cot. I imagine in a few months time, when he's big enough for a bed, well buy some bunks and stick him in with his brother, and I guess he'll go to bed the same time as the others then.

If you're happy with the situation, I wouldn't worry about it, it'll sort itself out at some point.