Self settling / feeding to sleep.... good or bad? (confused after reading The Baby Whisperer)

[MYA2016]

My 14 week old is currently breastfed to sleep for all sleep apart from if he falls asleep in the car. I'm okay with this apart from the fact I don't know how he'll cope when I am not there at bedtime? !
Anyway I have just finished reading "The Baby Whisperer" and am now feeling incredibly guilty for creating bad habits and feel I should get out of this ASAP and teach him to self settle...
Any thoughts? The book makes it all sound so easy. My boy has been very clingy since birth (emergency csec after 14 hours of a back to back labour and he wasn't In the right position to come out).
Has anyone had any success adopting her techniques from this book?

[Coconut0il]

If you are ok with it I wouldn't worry. No advice about the book but don't feel guilty. I BF DS1 to sleep and I'm BF DS2 to sleep. I'm happy to do it and it's working for us. As DS1 got older he just naturally grew out of it. He's 12 now and never had any sleep issues. DS2 is 8 months and almost always feeds to sleep. Think it's only an issue if it's not working for you.

[FifiFerusha]

I too tried the whole EASY thing but had to give it up when DS was 3 months and became a distracted feeder. He literally would only feed in a dark room when sleepy so the baby whisperer doesn't account for that and after research it can be a common problem. I fed to sleep for a while and then gradually pulled him off to try and shh him to sleep and he did learn to self settle. However he doesn't now but that is nothing to do with feeding to sleep. To be honest, back in time , I mean way back, feeding to sleep would have been the most natural thing to do and possibly not questioned. The pace and needs of modern life play a big part in the whole thing I think. Don't worry too much. 14 wks is still so young x

Ps shh pat works well but takes a lot of time, patience and perserverance. I didn't believe it would work. Just expect a bit of crying.

[CheeseEMouse]

I fed my (now 1 year old) to sleep for nearly his first year. Gradually I got to the point of feeding him a bit earlier and then cuddling him to sleep. I wouldn't worry about creating bad habits - everything can be changed on due course, and honestly 14 weeks is so tiny.

You are doing well and as others have said if it's working for you don't change it. With my daughter it wasn't until she was 7 months old that I got her to sleep in the cot in the day. It feels like forever at the time, but it does get easier.

[Spudlet]

Not the Baby Whisperer, but a book we have suggested that DS should be sleeping for at least 8 hours at night without waking. The hollow laughter from both DH and myself was probably audible on the ISS...

Babies don't read books, so I always think their advice should be taken with a good pinch of salt, just like in person advice. Nobody knows our babies as well as we do, so we should do what we feel to be best!

[peardroplets]

Hiya. Your birth story and feeding sound like me! I had no idea it was 'wrong' to bf to sleep until a hv told me I should put her down drowsy but awake. Cue hollow laugh and much stress and self doubt. I now realise my 9 mo old is just doing what evolution has programmed her to do and there is nothing at all wrong with it. Whether it is practical for your family is another question. I am in the process of trying to get her to fall asleep on her own with some mixed results although I feel we are making some progress. I haven't read baby whisperer but am loosely following the no cry sleep solution. The book talks about how to "pull off" before they drop off but it is long slow process so don't expect too much too soon. But seriously don't stress about it - if it is working for you and baby then all well and good xx

[CobsAhoy]

Hey OP,

I've got a 7mo and I always used to feed to sleep as it was the easiest way to convince my little terror to sleep. As she's got older ive found that she doesn't always need it anymore, in fact we went through a phase where it seemed to p**s her off and she would break away (read: manically fling her head back!) and refuse to fall asleep on the breast, i didn't do anything to encourage this, so I guess her sleep/comfort needs just changed as she developed.

I wouldn't worry about it, you aren't doing anything wrong in providing something that helps your baby feel comforted, what they need one week they might not need the next, so if it's working for you then don't change it xx

[graysor]

I felt similarly guilty after reading the bw book and spent a torturous 6 weeks trying to get my dd (approx 14 weeks) to comply with the easy routine. It didn't work for us at all. My Dd really couldn't care less about being shusshed and patted, and any attempt at the pick up put down method thoroughly enraged her, leaving her further from sleep than ever.

I've gone back to sling naps and feeding to sleep, because it's much easier for both of us, and it's what nature intended!

I really resent how bad the book made me feel. I know people will say, don't worry about it, just take what you want from the book and if it doesn't work for you so be it. But the book absolutely says this is how it should be, with no acknowledgment that babies are different and it might not work for everyone.

[MYA2016]

Thanks very much for all the responses. I agree it doesn't take into account how different all babies are. I only bought the book as it had such good reviews on amazon, which made me think it must be good!
Can I ask, if your baby was used to being fed to sleep how did they sleep when you weren't there?
I have a work event on in June when he'll be 5 months old that runs from 6pm till midnight and I'd really like to go. His bedtime is 8pm. He will take bottles of ebm but doesn't tend to fall asleep with it!
Or do they tend to accept if you're not there that breastfeeding isnt an option?
Thanks again

[Diddlydokey]

If you want to move away from feeding to sleep I'd suggest only offering a feed when they wake up then putting to sleep using pupd or shh-pat.

I did shh pat from 12 weeks and ds was self settling in his cot for all sleeps very shortly thereafter.

[CobsAhoy]

Recently I've been getting my DH to put our DD down for naps when he can, he lies in our bed with her and gives her a bottle of EBM, she tends to finish it then fall asleep snuggled into him, it's working well so far although sometimes when she wakes up she goes batshit that there isn't a boob ready and waiting for her 😐

I think what's helped us is some other sleep ques that my DH can use - we have the same lullabies playing at all sleep times and always read a book before bed/naps.
He hasn't put her to bed without me yet though, So not sure how well this will work for us at bedtime.....

[Coconut0il]

When I went out recently DP got DS2 to sleep by pushing him back and forth in the pushchair. Not ideal but occasionally it's ok. When I got home I transferred him and just gave him a quick feed to settle him back in bed.