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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

Baby is standing in cot crying

20 replies

LaceyLee · 03/01/2016 21:28

And has been for about 40 mins. I'm in here with her. DH is working tonight. When she initially woke up I got her out of the cot and fed her (bf) but she couldn't settle and was getting up and screaming even though she was being cuddled and kissed. So I gave up and put her in the cot. What can I do? She will not stop and is even pulling at her hair. I need her to get the message as I work full time and I'm a teacher so need to work in the evenings and I just can't with her not sleeping. Any ideas? She's 1.

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Raxacoricofallapatorius · 03/01/2016 21:29

Is she just 1? Is this a relatively new thing?

fluffikins · 03/01/2016 21:29

Is it a one off thing or every night? If the former is there something wrong like she's ill?

RandomMess · 03/01/2016 21:30

Is she literally 12 months?

Could she have ear ache as pulling at her hair can mean they are in pain.

Does she know how to kneel back down in her cot to lay down yet?

LaceyLee · 03/01/2016 21:34

Shes 12 months yes. Shes better when my DH is here but with me she's relatively recently begun screaming after her first wake up (normally about 45 mins after going to sleep). I can't get her to go back in the cot or even now to sleep in the bed with me!! She just wants to be awake. It's very hard. I feel like the worst mother ever!

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LaceyLee · 03/01/2016 21:34

Yes she can sit back down and lie down from sitting also

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LaceyLee · 03/01/2016 21:35

I don't think it's ear ache as she was fine before and I think it's frustration

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RandomMess · 03/01/2016 21:38

It could be highly likely that this is separation anxiety, it can kick in around this age.

A gentle way of sleep training is pick up put down. Pick her up until she is calm then put her down in the cot, as soon as she is upset again you pick her up until she is calm.

It will take time but leaving her to scream in her cot at 12 months old is cruel because she doesn't understand about night and day just that she isn't sleepy and wants to be with you/

FATEdestiny · 03/01/2016 21:38

How does she normally go to sleep - at bedtime, at naptime, when she wakes in the night ?

Saxons · 03/01/2016 21:40

Stop her daytime naps

LaceyLee · 03/01/2016 21:42

Yes I agree it's cruel but she was screaming even when I was cuddling her. She couldn't seem to settle. I have tried pick up and put down and she gets so upset when I put her back down! The 40 mins was part being cuddled by me and some of the time was being bf-d. I've picked her up now and she's calm so I guess I'll have to co sleep with her again but hopefully she will settle in my bed this time! She's definitely got separation anxiety poor thing :-(

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LaceyLee · 03/01/2016 21:45

Fate normally she is bf-d to sleep by me at night and in the day is a bit of a nightmare to get to sleep unless driving around! I know I need to stop bf ing her but I literally can't do anything else it seems... She won't fall asked on her own.

saxon maybe but she would be so meanly during the day! She is at nursery next week so I could suggest they try it.

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LaceyLee · 03/01/2016 21:45

That's grumpy not meanly!

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PennyHasNoSurname · 03/01/2016 21:45

We have had this for the last six weeks. We started trying all sorts - milk, nappy, cuddles etc nothing worked. Supper was plentiful so not hunger.

We then began laying him down (totaly darkness no talking) and then shhhhhh patting his bum. It worked with mixed success.

I was chatting to a friend the other day who had used a sleep expert for this exact problem and they had advised in darkness no noise or eye contact, lay them down and press a hand against their chest or back relatively firmly until they relax and settle down. Then walk away. Repeat as needed.

Two nights of that and we have our baby who sleeps through back!!

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 03/01/2016 21:46

The reason I asked if she was 12 months is because of a developmental spurt at this age. Signs are standing in the cot, particularly after only a short time asleep, climbing to their feet almost obsessively, even when asleep, exhausted etc, seeming very frustrated, suddenly unable to self soothe or settle in the normal way, frequent waking.

It's linked to learning to walk. Like when you have a big day like an observation or OFSTED for example, instead of sleeping your mind will whir and go over and over the same ground. Same with walking in babies. Their brains force them to get up and practice the skill and it's most evident at night.

They can't help it and get so frustrated and upset. My advice is to just do whatever you can to get through it. It does pass.

If you've ruled out illness or similar, I'd put money on it being developmental. Alongside separation anxiety which is at a peak, sleep really does become a frustrating and unsettled time.

PennyHasNoSurname · 03/01/2016 21:47

Dont listen to Saxon please, average 12 mos cannot go all day without a nap. And an overtired baby will not sleep through the night.

FATEdestiny · 03/01/2016 21:52

Your problem then is that she doesn't know how to get to sleep without being breastfed. As she is now older, she is less reliant on milk in her diet and may well often not actually want any milk. She might be full, she might just not feel like having milk. But she knows she has to have milk in order to go to sleep.

Her problem at this very moment may well be that she's full (I assume you fed her when she first went to bed) so really doesn't want feeding. But she is so tired and wants to go to sleep. But the little mite can't go to sleep on her own so she is frustrated and crying. She's just so tired.

There is little to resolve this at this very moment - just do what you can to help her sleep.

Longer term you could do with developing ways of teacher her to go to sleep without being fed. For the sake of your own exhaustion, that is probably best done for daytime naps and bedtime first - rather than wake ups.

I's recommend a form of gradual withdrawal. Whereby you stay with her, reassuring, shushing, patting, stroking, tickling, singing, whispering, whatever works. But don't pick her up - try to teach her to settle in the cot, with you (or DH) there with lots of care and nurturing reassurance.

If you search for a thread called 'what worked for us' - the OP gives a great explanation of a form of gradual withdrawal used for an older baby.

purplemunkey · 03/01/2016 22:03

My DD is 13.5 months, she did similar for a few weeks at around the same time I think it's (another!) sleep regression/development spurt. She was waking at about 3am and refusing to go back to sleep til about 6am. I had just gone back to work so it may have been separation anxiety too/instead. It passed after a while but was bloody exhausting!

LaceyLee · 03/01/2016 22:06

Wow rax that sounds exactly what she's going through. Can't walk yet but is close. At least it will pass. Thank you.
Fate yes I'm sure you're right that all sounds correct. The only thing is literally nothing will settle her when she wakes at the moment, except bf and moving in to our bed.. but maybe that's because of this developmental leap. Def need to disassociate longer term.

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queenofthepirates · 03/01/2016 22:09

Try the good sleep guide by Angela Henderson. Worked well for us as a way of doing controlled crying.

LaceyLee · 03/01/2016 22:10

Thanks penny considering a sleep consultant but perhaps this a phase... She's never really slept through I'm afraid, maybe one night in her life!! Agree purple it is! Went back to work a few months back though.

She's now in bed with me after 'helping' me get ready and is sleepy so hopefully will sleep soon...thanks everyone for your advice

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