Gradual retreat - the fault in my plan

[Piazzapiola]

So, 2/3 weeks ago I tried gradual retreat on my then 8.5mo. It was a complete disaaaaaaaahster. I put a pull out bed right by his cot and although he wasn't screaming for the whole time, 2hrs in he was and I gave up and fed him to sleep (which is how he usually falls asleep).

I've decided to take a step back and try again but this time with him in my bed, which is where he sleeps most of the night once I come to bed. My plan is to lie with him til he falls asleep and do this a couple nights before moving to cot/pull out bed scenario. My hope is this will be more gentle/manageable for me him.

BUT he's a crawler so I imagine he'll do a lot of trying to crawl around/off the bed. how can I lie there ignoring him when I have to keep bringing him back from crawling off bed? I think I may actually put mattress on the floor so at least there's no accident risk, but how will this work if I'm supposed to be mostly ignoring him?

I'm not being particularly clear with my question... What would you do? Let him crawl around mattress/room only bringing him back if he cries etc or keep him from crawling off at all? Worried this will turn into a bit of a game though....

[maymow]

Read this with interest and hoped someone with experience of gradual retreat would respond, so bumping in hope they do ...

About to start GR with my ten month old. From what I understand, for it to work you do need to retreat from the baby's sleeping space and it's about getting them to self settle independently - so not sure it can work if you're co-sleeping any part of the night?

Previously I was getting DD to sleep using a bunch of different techniques at different times: boob, sling, patting, cuddling, singing etc. One thing I have learned is that for a problem sleeper such as mine, it's really important to make the getting -to-sleep and response-to-wake-ups really consistent so they don't get confused.

[Piazzapiola]

Thanks for bumping! I've had some success the last three nights. He's now fallen asleep by him self three nights running. It's taken between 1hr-40mins and most if the time I have had to keep getting him back from crawling to the edge of the mattress and lying him back down. After a while he gets bored and tired so sort of flops around for a bit then rolls into me and falls asleep, and I then roll away and leave!
Last night he fell asleep at 7am and didn't wake til 1130pm which is the first te he's slept through the evening since he was 3mo!!

At the moment am just focussing on the evenings as I don't mind the co sleeping so much it's just the lack of evenings and his refusal to go to bed in his cot that was so problematic.

Going to do another night the same then tomorrow switch to side off his cot with pull out bed along side. Hopefully after 3/4 nights like that I'll put the side back on, then after that start moving the pull out bed further away or move to a chair etc.

We're going on holiday next week for 10 days so am sure that'll mess up all my hard work but will persevere for the moment and just start again when we get back. Once he's falling asleep in his cot I may bite the bullet and go the whole hog and nightwean him too and get him out of my bed... she says, already missing the cuddles...

Good luck with your GR!

[FATEdestiny]

If you are going on day very soon, honestly I would just leave it until you come home.

With regards to crawling etc, when my daughter went through this phase I used to physically hold her when sleeping. Sometimes I would hold both her hands, or place my hand across her chest to encourage her to stay still.

Now (she's nearly 11 months) the hand on her chest (or hand hold) acts as a comfort trigger to help sooth her if she wakes and needs me.

I believe the mistake most parents make with gradual withdrawal is that they focus too much on withdrawal and not enough on the gradual. Each change should not cause any additional distress. If it does, the level of withdrawal is not gradual enough. So set expectations that this will not be a quick fix.

[FATEdestiny]

"If you are going on holiday very soon..."

[Piazzapiola]

Well, on night two of side-off-cot-me-lying-on-pull-out-bed-beside he's fallen asleep without so much as a sigh in 20 mins.

I cannot believe it!

Even if our holiday sets us back I know he can do it and I'll just start again if I have to.

Anyone dreading sleep training, whatever your method - have faith, you don't know how it'll go until you start!!

[maymow]

Well done, that's great news!

Totally agree - you don't know till you try. I was convinced my (then) seven month old would need feeding to sleep for years to come until one night I popped her in the cot to see and she amazed me by rolling around for ages then falling asleep!