Please help, awful napping and night time sleep

[hotfuzzra]

Please help, getting increasingly upset and frustrated.
DD is only 14wo. She had been sleeping through from about 4 weeks (I know, I know) from around 10pm to 5-7am. She used to nap well, often over 6 hrs a day.
Then she started going to bed earlier at night, around 8pm and often was sleeping 9-11 hrs a night!!!
I don't know why or when it changed, but night sleep and naps have dropped awfully, every day is a battle trying to get her to nap. I've tried swaddling, rocking, dummy, lullabies, stroking, pushchair, driving, sling, walking outside... In the last month she hasn't had over 2.5 hrs a day.
She's then obviously, and understandably, cranky at nighttime. We have the same routine every day and she seems to enjoy it (bath at about 6.30, book, last feed, feed to sleep by before 8. I am going to try making this all earlier to see if she's just overtired again and it might help? Honestly I have no idea what I'm doing.) After she's fallen asleep I try to scoot her into her bednest, then she frequently wakes and starts crying. I sometimes manage to shush/pat her back to sleep but normally give up and feed back to sleep and try all over again, or just do side lying in our bed and let her stay with me all night.
But she's been sleeping awfully for weeks now, waking anywhere from 2-5 times a night, always at different times. I try to get her back to sleep without feeding but mostly give up and resort to feeding her back to sleep.
This morning she napped for 45 mins at around 90 mins after wake up (I rocked her to sleep then put her down on my bed, not in her bednest incase she woke), then we went to an activity so I couldn't 'make' her sleep 90 mins after the next wake up, later she dozed off in pram for around 20 mins but woke up and then just now really fought to go to sleep, I'm talking screaming for about 10-15 mins. I just shushed and rocked until she fell asleep then sat down on gliding chair I was afraid to stop moving! but now she's woken up after 36 mins. There were no loud noises, motion didn't stop, she just woke up. She's happy enough now, I fed her and she fussed a bit but seems ok.
It upsets me so much, I'm normally in tears every day cos I can't get her to sleep, and she's crying or screaming every day, I can't just put her down and let her fall asleep, if I rock her to sleep I then can't put her down, at night it's tough too as it just seems to take forever to get her to go to sleep.
I just don't know what I'm doing, if this is normal, should it be this hard to get a tired baby to go to sleep? What am I doing wrong? I know it's normal for baby to need comfort so I don't begrudge 'having to' cuddle her, rock her, feed her, of course, it's just frustrating when I've done the nappy/feed/cuddle checklist and she's tired but won't go to sleep, and cries her heart out, but I am trying to get her to sleep. If it's 'just a phase' I can suck it up and crack on, it just feels like I'm doing something wrong, and if I can I want to rectify it.
I don't intend to do any CC PUPD techniques yet as I know they're not supposed to be used until after 4 months, but if anyone can tell me what I'm doing wrong or give me tips to get her to sleep longer I would be so grateful.
I know some people will be having worse problems so please don't judge me for what might be trivial to some of you, it's awful previously having had such good sleep and it's got worse, everything is relative and now it's much worse and I don't know what to do to make it better. I feel like a totally deficient mother.

[hotfuzzra]

Sorry it's so long.

[dicko1]

She dosent have belly ache or anything does she. My lo went through a stage similar to this and i found abit of gripe water before each nap for some reason made her slerp much better and she would often be pumping away in her sleep. Also with the night where doea she sleep i found mine woke alot when she was starting to feel abit squished. Hope ive been of any help and even if i havnt let me reasure you your doing a good job. x

[WeSailTonightForSingapore]

Can't help I'm afraid as we are still battling sleep at 15 months! At your dd's age - if my son woke 3-4 times a night, we were lucky! Most of the time it was more like 7-8. Napping was exactly as you describe - I had no luck getting my son to self settle till he was around 4-5 months. I was told by lots of people that the first three months are 'for free' - you do what you need to do to get them to sleep! After 3-4 months - it gets easier to get them to self settle.

I know it's hard at the moment - i was in tears for weeks as all I did was try to get DS to sleep. He used to take 30 min naps as well, so I never got a break.

Anyway I am sure someone with advice will be along soon!

[trilbydoll]

Is there a growth spurt or wonder week at this age? There definitely is around 4mo so maybe she's hit that. It will pass!

Tbh, I've always found sleep a very changeable thing - a growth spurt, illness, or learning a new skill can totally change what went before. I would enjoy the good nights and ride out the bad ones if you can.

[hotfuzzra]

Thank you all for replying.
Dicko it could be, she sometimes wakes herself up farting, so I guess it's worth a go.
She sleeps in a bedside crib, it's plenty long enough but she can't get her arms out sideways so it could be that.
WeSail I feel for you. I should just keep putting her in cot at nap time to see if she one day miraculously settles herself to sleep! It's so hard because everyone says do what you can to get them to sleep, but it seems I can't even get her to sleep. Well I can, but I can't put her down once she is asleep.
Trilby Yes we are in a 'leap' and she may be teething (constant sucking of fingers fists toys Muslins etc) but she was like this in between leap times, so I just can't say Oh this is a fussy patch and she'll be back to sleeping again soon.
Tonight we did earlier bath time, she wound herself up whilst dressing so we missed the book and went to feed. Once asleep, two failed attempts at putting her in cot, then resorted to side lying and rolling away once asleep.
Pooooooo.

[dicko1]

I personally arnt a fan of the self settling regime i love nothing more than my princess drifting off to sleep on my arms.
making things worse in long run probably but there not little long. hope something works for you xx

[hotfuzzra]

Dicko I love her falling asleep in my arms, however I do not love being unable to out her down without her starting to cry!!! I can't sit upright all night letting her sleep on me :-)
Thank you

[dicko1]

yeah thats true x

[FATEdestiny]

She clearly likes to be fed to sleep, but as you are finding once out of the newborn stage often being hungry does not come at the same time as being sleepy - so she needs a way to get to sleep without 'having' to feed when she's actually not hungry.

This is where a dummy comes into its own - for babies who like to suck (feed) to sleep. You mention you tried one but in all of your descriptions don't mention it? Some babies refuse a dummy initially and it takes some perseverance.

At 14 weeks (through until 5 or 6 months when longer naps develop) I would recommend all daytime nap in the bouncy chair with dummy. This allows for sucking to sleep, rhythmic movement through bouncing but in a hands-off way. It also (importantly) allows for bouncing and re-inserting dummy to sleep through the end of a sleep cycle into another.

I'd go for no longer than 90 minutes awake, closer to 60 minutes preferably. The nap will be short, they are at this age. Short and frequent. You might get 30 to 45 minutes sleep from her at a time, but expect to need to dummy and bounce her to sleep every 2 hours or so through the daytime.

[FATEdestiny]

... also consider how much she is feeding. Calorific intake over 24 hours not being the level that the baby needs will directly affect sleep.

The fact that she was sleeping well but now isn't suggest that something has changed. Since you've not changed anything, it could be that her need for milk has increased and that need isn't quite being met.

I would be aiming for a full feed at least every 2 hours through the daytime.

[hotfuzzra]

Fate I was hoping you'd reply, you always give sound advice.
Yes I have been using a dummy for months, she happily takes it. Every nap I give it to her, and at night time once she's fed to sleep (and just sucking, not swallowing) I often slip her off the boob and put the dummy in. I think because the naps have deteriorated she falls asleep quicker at night and so maybe isn't feeding for as long as she used to, so she wakes in the night hungry. But when she falls asleep I try to keep her awake as long as I can to keep her feeding but eventually she really drops off.
I haven't got a bouncy chair, I am due to get one this week but haven't had luck with a swinging chair or a vibrating chair, they both entertain her but she doesn't go to sleep in them.
Do you think this is a good idea, as a habit to get into: feeding her to sleep at night times, taking boob out then getting up out of bed and rocking her to sleep, with or without the dummy - would this reduce her association with needing me/boob/milk to going to sleep? Once she's been rocked to sleep then putting her in crib.
Funnily enough today I didn't go out and she had 45 mins after 90 mins awake, (after half a dose of gripe water) where I put her on my bed after rocking to sleep, and 90 mins after that wake up she slept again for 75 mins, this time rocked to sleep and put into her crib (omg). She's been awake for over an hour now so I'll try again for last nap of the day.
The only thing I can say has changed is she used to go to sleep really well (especially in car seat) in a star wrap, a fleecey outfit that is very warm and snuggly, especially good over the winter. Sometimes she'd sleep over three hours but sometimes I'd get her out to find she'd been too hot. As it's got warmer recently I've avoided putting her in this wrap to avoid over heating her. Perhaps she really enjoyed being warm and snuggly. The successful naps I've had today and other times have been in her star wrap, but in the day time the bedroom window is open a crack so I wasn't concerned about her being too hot.
Thank you so much everyone for tips and suggestions. I'm very grateful and feel less weepy today!

[FATEdestiny]

I'd bring back the star wrap. Or at least a blanket to keep her warm and snuggly.

The more children I've had (I've got four) the warmer each child prefers in terms of temperature. I actually believe this temperature preference is more to do with my parenting than inherent preference. With my first I was paranoid about her overheating (and the SIDs risk). I look back now and am horrified how little warmth she slept in compared to DC4. With each child I have learnt that warm and snuggly = longer, better sleep. Obviously there is still a SIDS risk, but I am much less obsessive paranoid about it now.

Regarding your plan. I would never recommend rocking to anyone. But that's because I come with some history on rocking, it might work for some other families. For us, it was lovely when you have a tiny 14 week old. But when I had DC1 aged 12 months and quite chucky, still needing lengthy and vigorous rocking at every single wake up. Then I wouldn't wish that association upon anyone.

Can you not slip nipple out and dummy in super-quick in the hope she doesn't notice?

[hotfuzzra]

Yes I've been using the star wrap all week for naps and it's been ok.
I do rock her now for naps, and feed to sleep at night. If I use a bouncer then surely at some stage we'll have to address the motion-to-stationary issue? I suppose at least in a bouncer you're not physically lifting them up.
At nights often I'll slip nipple out and she's fine, so I don't always give dummy at night, but I do always give it for a nap as a cue.
Thanks, I appreciate your comments.

[BethGreenNewMum01]

Major thing that helped us was waking her after her night time feed abs putting her down awake. She'd cry but after a few nights would cry less. She would eventually self settle. I would wake her by gently winding her.

If she goes down awake she sees where she's falling asleep abs won't be startled when she wakes, she will also learn to put herself back to sleep.

If you feed her to sleep she's likeky to get used to that being the thing that makes her sleep.

Sounds like you're doing brilliantly with the routine otherwise though.

Good lick

[Littlef00t]

Unfortunately I suspect you've hit the start of the 4 month sleep regression. It's tough but it doesn't last, Google.