Newborn won't lye on back...Help!

[hazel88]

Hi everyone,

So tonight is our first night home with DD who is ahem reluctant shall we say to lay on her back. I spent 3 nights in hospital after a ceserean and we just didn't sleep. She would point blank refuse to lay in the hospital cot, and even once the superhero midwives put her down in it she was only down for about 5 minutes before screaming and I was unable to keep getting her in and out so ended up with her in the hospital bed with me where she wouldn't settle until she was on me. While the other Mums on the ward were happy and able to put their babys down and head for the bathroom I was with my screaming DD who couldnt leave my side or let me even move. She is constantly sucking her hands which I'm finding difficult to know when she's hungry but we're keeping to regular feeds.

Changing nappies, washing and changing are tough, she screams so hard she almost makes herself sick as well as me from stressing so much. Currently she seems unable to be anywhere but right close to you all the time.

Tonight my Mum and DP have spent the night doing shifts so I can get some sleep. They've put the moses basket on the floor, swaddled and put her back down. She's waking every 15 minutes or so. We didn't attempt the cot tonight as it's a big space and thought slowly introducing it might be for the best.

As her Mum when I see her fidgeting or crying I just go to pick her up and soothe her, I seem to have lost the ability to see sense or know what the best thing to do is. I don't want to make a rod for my own back!

Not only did I feel rough when we arrived home yesterday but I also felt sick with fear and questioning my parenting abilities.

So I suppose really I'm just looking for some advice, reassurance or similar experiences if anyone has any, and whether anyone has any tips for encouraging newborns to tolerate lying on their back?

Thanks in advance

[MrsGSR]

My 13 month is still a pretty bad sleeper so I am by no means an expert!

But I can sympathise, i was lucky enough to only be in hospital for one night, all of which was spent pacing the corridors to try and get DD to stay quiet so she wouldn't wake all the other babies who were fast asleep. She wouldn't go in the hospital cot either.

Don't worry about making a rod, just do what you can to get through.

We found that tilting the moses basket helped, so she wasn't lying flat, as she had bad reflux. Also putting a hot water bottle in the basket and taking it out just before she went in, so it was warm. Putting my t-shirt over the mattress so it smelt like me didn't seem to help but some people swear by it. Get any advice you can from your midwife and take all the help you can from your mum! I hope things improve soon!

[BiscuitsofYum]

Sounds just like my ds! Like you we spent out overnights in hospital where ds screamed all night unless on me and when we came home spent a few days carrying on. He spent the first night in the house in a vibrating bouncer with white noise!
I don't have much advice like the experienced mums here but I can tell you to put the rod for your own back out of your mind for now. If you were picked up and taken from your home and someone tried to force you to sleep upside down in a tree. What would you do? Id certainly cry. Unless your DD is a few months its all about supporting, loving and calming her. People call it the 4th trimester.
For me I fed ds to sleep and he now sleeps in his Moses basket, hes 9 weeks now and sleeps 3 hour stretches but it did take a week. I swaddle him, in a blanket and do a quick lift and into the basket when he's asleep. Sometimes it took a few gos but it eventually worked. Have you thought about tilting the mattress for a few days?
Failing that have you thought about co -sleeping? It may give your DD comfort that she needs.

Finally don't question your parent abilities, just go with the flow. Its completely normal to doubt yourself, every mum has had a 'why cant I settle my child' moment or 4. Babies are hard especially because they cant just tell you what they want! Just go with the flow and come to mn for lots of support in the early hours!

Congratulations on your baby xx

[TynesideBlonde]

The rod for your own back thing is a load of rubbish. She's tiny. Let her sleep on your chest. Read about the fourth trimester. And maybe try and feed more frequently; she sounds hungry.

[rootypig]

Pick her up. She's so little, she doesn't even know she's not part of you any more. You can't make a rod for your own back with a baby.... you really can't. Biscuits I love your analogy

You mention feeding to a schedule. At just a few days old, many babies want and need to suckle almost constantly. That's really natural too. Are you breastfeeding? I did DD and I remember the earliest days, she just screamed if she wasn't at the breast. My nipples were agony, but my milk came in, my nipples turned to leather and it all settled down in a few days (so by the time she was a week / ten days old). It's often a necessary choice to feed on demand with little babies....their stomachs are like thimbles, and their urge to suckle is so strong, it's all they want. No experience with bottles if that's what you're doing, but am sure someone will be along who does.

I had a book called BabyCalm that was brilliant, by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. Both helpful and reassuring - a valuable combo! It's a really easy read, I recommend getting your hands on a copy.

Congratulations on your little girl!

[hazel88]

Rootypig we're bottle feeding

Thankyou SO much for all of your advice so far, I could cry with relief!!

[Gingerbics]

Congratulations on your little bundle Hazle! The early weeks are such a roller coaster but promise it'll get better. Your little one is adjusting to being outside you and will want to smell/ hear your heart beat. Someone needs to invent a mattress that vibrates, has a heart beat and boobs attached to snuggle on.
It does feel like feed feed feed in the early days but it won't be like that forever.
You sound like you're doing just great, hang in there!

[hazel88]

Thanks so much ladies, my Mum and DP stayed up all night with her and I stayed up for a few hours providing tea haha. They done an incredible job with her and on a couple of occasions she managed over half an hour on her back in the moses basket where as before she couldn't last 2 minutes, I wanted to cry with delight! going to keep up with putting her down when she sleeps so hopefully she'll get used to the feeling.

Feeling so much better today and currently enjoying scrummy cuddles

[hazel88]

Oh and SWADDLING!! She's much better when swaddled as she doesn't stop jumping in her sleep and is constantly sucking her hands

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Would she settle more if her head was raised? Try propping the Moses basket stand up at one end wth some thick books to make it slant a bit - if she has reflux or similar it will help.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Swaddling is the dogs bollocks isnt it!!

[ChopOrNot]

No one ever, ever looks back and thinks "I wish I had cuddled/held my baby less."

As PP have said, ditch the rod for your own back rubbish. Maybe think about it (if you want) in about 4/5/6/7/8/9 etc months.

I was so determined that they would learn to sleep independently really early that I did the "teach them to sleep in their crib as early as possible". I went against my desire to hold them to "put them down".

I now look at my wonderful 6 and 8 year olds (who have come to no harm btw) and I do so wish I had cuddled them more when they were tiny. they are far too wriggly for long snuggly cuddles these days and keep buggering off to play Lego and How to Train Your Dragon

Congratulations

[AuditAngel]

Hazel DS was like this when born and the Zmw suggested tucking him into his car seat to sleep. She said that he needed the comfort of being cocooned. It worked for us. He also had silent reflux so never liked lying on his back. I was given some wedges (commonly used in Spain where DH is from) which helped to support him on his side.

[Guyropes]

I have read on here that the reason behind laying babies on their back to prevent SIDS is that they sleep deeper on their front. So the advice is especially relevant and important for babies who sleep deeply. Obviously if you can get your baby to sleep on its back, that's got to be the best thing. But if your baby just won't sleep at all on its back, perhaps it would be worth trying front sleeping?

My first dc was like this, and I ended up front sleeping her as a last resort. She still didn't sleep terribly deeply, but it was better than her endlessly screaming on her back in the crib.

Also, have you given your baby a dummy? If your baby is bottle fed, a dummy satisfies the needs to suck which is in addition to need for milk.

[Needsweetstosurvive]

My 2nd slept on my chest the first three night, in bed with me the first three weeks then managed to settle him in his cot after that. Neither of my boys tolerated being on their backs, against advice I let them both sleep on their sides. I think its very uncomfortable sleeping on your back, but then I'm a tummy sleeper and DS2 has turned into one too now at 10 months!

[Needsweetstosurvive]

I also used a clevamama memory foam baby pillow, much more comfortable than laying straight on a firm mattress and stops flat heads

[Kim82]

My youngest dd (7months) was like this. She has been a front sleeper since birth for this reason. It turned out she had severe silent reflux which she is still on medication for and she just wouldn't settle on her back at all and would wake within minutes of being put down.

I know front sleeping isn't recommended but our paediatrician knew we were doing it and just told me to do what I needed for us all to get some sleep.

[FeelTheNoise]

I used to put DS to sleep in his bouncy chair as he would wake as soon as he was horizontal

[Mariposa10]

You've got to keep reminding yourself that this is not permanent, new babies will be clingy but will gradually learn to become more independent from you. The first few weeks are tough with getting used to less sleep but you'll get through it and your baby will grow up faster than you can imagine. Research safe cosleeping if you're struggling to put the baby down and enjoy the cuddles, listen to your instincts and pick her up whenever you want to.

[VaselineOnToast]

Don't worry, she will grow out of screaming whenever she is washed/dressed/changed. It's all brand new to her just now and she'll gradually become accustomed. Our little one used to scream the house down whenever he was changed but now absolutely loves it.

DS also disliked sleeping alone as a newborn - it's perfectly normal. Again, everything is new and unfamiliar to them. They want to constant reassurance and comfort they find in the only thing they know: you :) Let her sleep on you and with you (safely, of course). As she gets more used to the world she'll be more comfortable being just near you (rather than always ON you) for short periods.

It's tough. And there's so much conflicting advice out there. At this point just follow your instincts and forget about creating supposed "bad habits". You're doing a wonderful job with your wee one x

[VaselineOnToast]

Also, DS also sucked his fingers constantly in his first few hours of life. I wish someone had told me that it meant he was hungry. I had no idea and had not been offering him the breast as frequently as I should have been.

[hazel88]

Thanks so much everyone