So many sleep training methods...what if I just...do nothing??

[Kangaroo500]

Hello fellow sleep seekers! So my almost 7mo decided that, after 20 weeks of sleeping beautifully in her snuzpod, sleeping independently for anything more than 1-2 hours is no longer for her. We moved her into own room at 6 months as we suspected we might be disturbing her, but to no avail...still wakes every hour or so. I usually give up re settling her at around 1-2am and just bring her into bed with me and let her feed back to sleep. Then we all (usually!) get some sleep. We are not totally happy with the situation but it is tolerable. I'm totally to blame for the situation (always rocked/fed to sleep, no established routine until quite recently etc) and have read and fully understood all of the options out there to un-train her into better sleep habits, particularly so called self-soothing techniques. We have allowed her to cry for approximately 5 minutes and bottled it. Tried pick up put down for 2 nights and she just got increasingly hysterical. Tried shush pat...seems to just really piss her off! And so we end up back at square one...feed/rock to sleep and end up in the same bed come 6am. So my question is this: if we just continue to 'go with it' will she eventually improve naturally without us having to inflict some horrendous procedure onto her or will she get worse/stay the same?? People keep telling us that we MUST break these habits now before they become unbreakable. Similarly, people have commented that we are being weak/soft/controlled by her...all very worrying concepts but I'm not entirely sure I buy it. I mean...it just seems natural to me to go to her when she cries...and doing anything which will cause extra crying seems backwards, even if the result is better sleep. So do I do something now...later? Not at all?

[Cooper11111]

I would say do one method and stick with it full time, trying new things after a few days will confuse her and this Is why it hasn't worked.

In terms of trying one or not, I think that by posting this means you prob do want your bed back. When she cries it is protest and not distress necessarily. By waking so frequently she must be exhausted and it's a vicious cycle that leads to more wakes.

I think you will both be happier if she sleeps properly. It's a really reasonable age for her to sleep 12 hours.

[milkyway1304]

If you are happy with the situation then of course you don't need to change! She will eventually sleep of course. We all do at some point! If not happy well then it's reasonable to do something. My now 10 month old was an amazing sleeper until 6 months- slept 10hours straight in her cot from 8 weeks. Then as yours did woke hourly and we ended up co-sleeping. Co-sleeping doesn't especially bother me at her age, but I wasn't happy going up to bed at 8pm! We did some very gentle training- using ideas from the no-cry sleep solution/gentle gradual withdrawal. Over a period of 2 weeks we went from falling asleep on the breast, to falling asleep beside me in bed, to falling asleep in my arms and eventually to falling asleep while I sat by the cot. Now she sleeps in her cot until about 2am, wakes and comes in with me. She was feeding on and off after this until recently where she just feeds at first wake then sleeps with me until morning.

So while she doesn't do 12 hours in her cot, she does enough for me to have a little baby free time, and sleeps very well in my opinion! We have had little setbacks- trips away, illness but it's actually been reasonably easy each time to get her back to her old routine- taking only a day or two.

So basically- ignore everyone else, decide what is right for you and your family. I can't bear to hear my baby cry (and I do not believe that controlled crying is harmful, just not something I have felt I could cope with at this point!).

[milkyway1304]

I just want to add that at about 7 months I posted on here with similar concerns. I tried PUPD at that age, lasted a week and for us it never got easier. She would cry for hours then sleep an hour. I persevered for a full week and then decided I just couldn't cope with it anymore! I know people will say that all methods work if you persevere but I do think there is a right method for each baby. For example most people I know complain that the NCSS took ages to work, but for us we saw improvements in a few days, and were happy with situation in less than 2 weeks. You have not mentioned naps but we had a catnapper. I was very concerned that this was a major problem and did everything I could think of to lengthen them- gave up at about 8months. Them suddenly over the past few weeks she's started having a 2 hour lunchtime nap with no training at all.

[Kangaroo500]

Thanks to both of you for your replies. Cooper-you're right I do want my bed back! Although I would settle for a few hours to myself at the moment! I think we might give PUPD another try next week as my partner will be at home for support. I know we just need to be consistent but I'm really worried it won't work and we will have made a bad situation worse. Milkyway-after a week of trying PUPD did you see no improvement at all? That's the method which appeals to me most as you at least feel like you are doing something to help when they cry. I read NCSS and just didn't really get it...nothing stood out to me as very helpful as any kind of gradual retreat just seems to annoy her more. I would definitely settle for a few baby free hours in the evening and bed share later on...but I fear it may be all or nothing with this one!

I'm due back to work in April and really worried that I'm not going to have this sorted by then...her naps are hit and miss but generally she will take two decent naps but only if held or in the car or sling.

[PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom]

Eventually it will get better. DD2 we did this route. She was getting on for two though.

[milkyway1304]

No, for us it got worse and worse. But that seems unusual. After a few night she cried everytime we came into the bedroom, and wouldn't even settle down when I picked her up. Most people say it gets better in a few nights though, just wasn't right for us! Best of luck whatever you decide. I'm back to work in 2 weeks, we seem ok with naps now but I'll be doing some nights so we are currently working on daddy doing bedtime which is looking to be slow progress!

[PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom]

DD1 did that milkyway.

[Cooper11111]

Good luck! My sleep consultant always let us chose but didn't advise PUPD as it's just so confusing and borderline teasing. I think you would be surprised at how effective CC is, also if there are regressions in the future- say 18 months, PUPD is not a feasible option whereas CC is. X

[pasbeaucoupdegendarme]

Is she teething? I ask because we had a "good sleeper" who went through seemingly random periods of screaming for three hours at night from about 6-18 months. In retrospect it was almost always teething related. It took us a loooing time to suss this out.

[BazilGin]

Well, my first was a terrible sleeper, but she also had reflux and I wouldn't do any sleep training. She was always fed to sleep, partially co slept etc...she is 3 now and brilliant sleeper with no training. They do get better with age :-)
I am on my second, terrible sleeper as well, 8 months in just enjoying the cuddles as he is my last. I go with whatever works, knowing that he won't need this for very long.

[Kangaroo500]

Thanks everyone. Decided against PUPD after speaking with DP as he feels it went so badly last time that we are all scarred from it! Decided to go with shush pat and commit to it this time...took an hour to settle her initially followed by 7 wakings but did the whole night in her cot and it definitely got easier with each waking. I really hope it continues to work tonight as I have sort of come to the conclusion that doing nothing isn't feasible for us as I can't cope with another 2-3 years of poor sleep! Plus we would like to try for a second baby fairly soon and the thought of sharing our standard double bed with 2 babies plus a dog is not appealing to me! Thanks so much for your thoughts...really did help me make a decision and stick to it for the first night in almost 7 months!

[Cooper11111]

Great! Well done :) you'll be surprised how quickly they adapt!! X