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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

Its 2am. Am I doing this control crying right?

20 replies

Littlefrenchmummy · 05/09/2014 02:08

I know there cant be a million ways of doing this. Its only been 30 minutes ( with me coming back every 5 min/10 min/20 min ). He is still screaming his eyes out.
Have given him water, dummy, gentle back rub. Any other ideas?

His crying doesn't seem to stop at all its scary...

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TheWholeOfTheSpoon · 05/09/2014 02:10

How old is he? And what is it that he wants (ie feeding, coming into your bed, a cuddle, etc)?

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Littlefrenchmummy · 05/09/2014 02:15

He is 8.5 months and he wants warm milk every 2 hours... I'm exhausted. Have tried everything and now resorting to a tougher approach. But I'm not that tough!
An i doing it right, a bit of water, dummy back in, a bit of back rub and I just leave him for 20 mins?

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goingloombandcrazy · 05/09/2014 02:47

No just pick him up and cuddle. Controlled crying is not the answer.

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Ladybythebeach · 05/09/2014 03:12

Too young for controlled crying surely? Though must admit I've never looked into it. My DS still fed during the night at that age. Cuddle him!

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purplemurple1 · 05/09/2014 03:42

Are you still up?

We did this at 6 months, DS was already sleeping through (8 to 5) and went down for naps OK but was resisting bed times. It worked in a day, max 8 to 10 min of crying.

I think getting naps wokring and making sure he is having enough food in the day are important before cutting off milk at night. And if cold turkey is too hard for you both you could make it more gradual by stretching out the feeds (dawle when you are making them/gettig yourself up), reduce the size of each feed and then gradually replace with water. Personally I think a healthy 8month old, established on solids can manage fine at night without milk.

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Littlefrenchmummy · 05/09/2014 08:31

e eats so well during the day, 3 meals home cook everyday, he has all the nutrients one could possibly have. He drinks, naps well, and is such a happy boy. But at night he is worse than a new born. He got in the habit of using milk a soothing thing. Anyway my question isn't is he ready for control crying, i think he is. My question is am I doing it right?

He fell asleep after 1 hour last night it was tough. But then he slept through which is amazing. Was I doing it right, going back and forth, trying to reassure, give a bit of water, dummy, stroke his head and just wait. If he hadn't given in I was going to. How long am I meant to let him cry? How many times a night can he do this?

thanks so much for your advice !!

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Woodenheart · 05/09/2014 09:04

I think you are supposed to go in every 2 mins after crying, then increase it by 1 min, but they dont understand why all of a sudden theyve been left I suppose, hence the crying that you said wont stop and is scary.

My DD still wakes twice a night for feeds at 17 months, I go to work exhausted but I tried to leave her to cry once and I ended up in tears, as well.

I know its hard and exhausting, Im a lone parent and its tough. We co-sleep though, which people dont agree with but it works for us,

Hope you get some rest soon.

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purplemurple1 · 05/09/2014 09:12

I doubled the time so after 2 min then 4, 8 up to 32 then you repeat at 32 until asleep. I didn't offer a dummy (or water) as he didn't already use one and I didn't want to introduce another problem. I reassured ans stroked him until he calmed down then left him. I found the crying started to have pauses which got longer until he just feel to sleep.
Good luck

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Littlefrenchmummy · 05/09/2014 09:25

yes I found the same thing. The crying had some pauses and then one pause he just fell asleep.
I gave a bit of water as I was paranoid the crying might make him thirsty but you do have a point about the dummy. My son had a dummy and it never was a pbm though so Ill keep that but Im glad to hear Iw as doing more or less he right thing. Its so hard you really question what you are doing when you are alone with a screaming baby at 2 am! But it seemed to work Im glad.

How long did it take you for him to sleep through?

xxx

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purplemurple1 · 05/09/2014 10:25

1 night of cc at 6 month's but he has a couple of relapses. Having one now at 1yr and he cried for 4-5 min last night when we put him up. It is hard but worth it for a happy rested baby and parents.

Sleeping through came when he was on 3 meals so around 6 months but we didn't need to use cc for that.

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Yorkshirelassreturns · 06/09/2014 15:19

Contact the blissful baby expert- she is a saint. Google her. She got my 6 month old sleeping through at the first attempt.

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Ellie1718 · 06/09/2014 15:23

Hello! I'm not really a fan of control crying but each to their own of course. There's much easier and gentler ways. There's a lady called Fi on twitter I think she's childcare fun or something like that? She offers help for free and helped me settle my twins! Worth a try? Good luck anyway!

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Superworm · 06/09/2014 15:29

CC has never worked for us. If anything it made things worse and we ended up with more wake ups. I would have loved to have one of those babies that cried for 10 mins but they are not all made the same!

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Imeg · 06/09/2014 15:38

We have just started controlled crying because mine was always fed to sleep and for various reasons that really wasn't working any more. The first night we did it properly we did 5 mins then 10 mins then 15 mins then 20 mins, but as I have read various different timings I'm not sure how important it is as long as you make it longer each time. The first night he cried for an hour and 10 minutes, the next time it was 20 minutes and last night it was 10 minutes. I suppose it has been a little less stressful for us because prior to that I had spent 3 weeks walking him up and down which did get him to sleep eventually but he was still crying and distressed despite being held and we both find it less stressful now listening to the crying from a distance than holding/rocking a crying baby. So far I haven't had a problem after night feeds, only at bedtime, but it's early days - if he didn't go back to sleep after a night feed I would plan to do the same 5 mins, 10 mins, 15 mins, 20 mins.

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Madcat22 · 06/09/2014 20:59

Be 100% consistent. Same routine before bedtime every night then every 2, 4, 8, 15 minutes but do exactly the same thing each time - just stroke his head for a couple of seconds, say shush shush then leave. No picking up and cuddling, no water etc. if he's not hungry, hot, soiled or unwell then he will be fine. If any martyr mothers try to make you feel bad about doing this then please ignore them. It won't harm him. He will sleep better as a consequence which is better for him. You will sleep better which will have lots of other benefits too. It absolutely won't harm him. Stick with it, it WILL work xx

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Littlefrenchmummy · 06/09/2014 22:56

SO I have been doing it for 2 nights now with the 5/10/15/20 routine.

First night he cried for 1h30 and last night he cried for 1h45 mins. Its exhausting. Each time I go and stroke his head he screams even more, its like I should just leave him, but I can't do that.
Also Im worried it got longer, shouldn't it be shorter? I know its only day2 ...I dont know.

I dont doubt that CC is what I need to do, but Im worried he's just going to do that every night, i.e. cry itself to exhaustion.

He is otherwise, happy, healthy, well fed.

Yorkshirelassreturns what did this baby expert make you do? I wish it was 1 night, Im so sick of being awake all night. I dont know about you guys but after hearing my baby cry for 1h30 I dont go back to sleep easily...

Thanks ! xx

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Littlefrenchmummy · 06/09/2014 23:02

Superworm, why didn't it work? Did he never stop crying?

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GingerSkin · 06/09/2014 23:10

Sorry you're having a tough time OP. In answer to your question - is he going to cry himself in to exhaustion? Yes. Absolutely that is what he will be doing. He's learning that you won't come in to him and give him what he wants.

Rightly or wrongly, this is what he is learning.

At 12 months plus, I would potentially deny milk during the night. At 8.5 months, he's too young in my opinion. But you're not asking that.

What is it you want to do?
What is your heart telling you to do?
Do you feel confident in the method you're using? If not, stop doing it, read up more on it, and go back to it when you're more confident.

It absolutely won't harm him
madcat22 unless you're a medical professional with specific knowledge on what CC does, I don't believe this statement for one second. No one knows the true effects of CC but this link will give a good indication as to what is happening when you leave a baby to cry www.phdinparenting.com/blog/2008/7/5/cry-it-out-cio-10-reasons-why-it-is-not-for-us.html

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Superworm · 07/09/2014 13:59

That's a really interesting link.

DS didn't whimper or protest cry, it was full on hysterical screaming for hours and after all that, he still woke in the night. I've tried CC numerous times out of desperation and it's always been the same. Even paid millpond £350 and it still didn't work.

I was surprised as he rarely cries in the day but was like a different child at night. It just isn't for him.

What has worked the most has been gradual withdrawal, along with doing lots of positive association stuff in the day. We play a lot in his room and made the cot a happy place for him to play in so he felt secure in there.

Sleep deprivation is crap so I feel for you.

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Littlefrenchmummy · 07/09/2014 17:41

Well just for an update, last night he cried for 20 mins at 2am and then 5 mins at 5 am. So there is some progress !!
Hope tonight is even better Im SO tired...In any case its better than having to give him a bottle hourly throughout the night.

Thanks for all the support and great advice ! XXX