HELP! 2.25 yr old moved to big boy bed. Disaster!

[Ags]

I have been the envy of all my friends because my son who is 2 and a quarter has always slept fantastically. Goes to bed at 7, sleeps perfectly until we get him in the morning. EVen if that is at 10 on the weekend!!!! Also has 2.5/3 hour nap every day. Lucky cow, I know!

However, I have now had my comeuppance!! We moved him to a big bed 4 nights ago and it has not gone very well. He loves the bed and refuses to go back to his cot - we have offered and on one occasion tried to put him in but he jumped out (never did this before). However, he will not settle down or stay in the bed unless me or my dh are with him. If I put him to bed and leave the room he screams hysterically.

I have explained that he needs to stay in his bed and he repeats this back to me. His conversation and general understanding is very good. But he uses every trick in the book to get us to stay with him.

This is absolutely killing us. He is a great child and we are not yet at tantrum stage so this is extremely unusual for him.

I don't know what to do for the best. Will this be solved by a form of controlled crying? Am also a bit worried about neighbours because the screaming is very loud and very long! We have a gate up at the door so he can't get out of the room.

I think we may have done this a little early for our son in hindsight but as he will not now go back into his cot, we need to persevere.

Any advice will be most appreciated. Sorry for going on so long.

[handlemecarefully]

No you haven't done it too early....(my dd moved to a bed at 20 months!)

Stairgate on the bedroom door and a hardened resolve?

[handlemecarefully]

and of course the tried and tested star chart providing incentives for not kicking up a fuss at bed time (used it with good effect for my dd who didn't have an entirely seamless transition to big girl bed)

[Aero]

Not too early I think. Now you've done it there's no point in stepping backwards. Just be firm and use the good old rapid return method. Keep returning him to bed without a word or emotion after first few times, as many times as it takes until he settles. First few nights might be purgatory, but it shouldn't take him long to settle down. It works for Tanya Byron. Star charts to reward too.

[AussieSim]

Not too early. We do the 'super nanny' approach and every time DS1 gets out of bed we just pick him up without saying a word and put him back and you just keep doing it till it sticks, which might take a while and might need to be repeated for a couple of nights. I am not a big fan of the gate on his bedroom door, especially at this age as it is his bedroom which he should see as his special space not a prison. HTH.

[peachandpear]

We did do stairgate on bedroom door (had to wouldn't fit at top of stairs) and it was fine. With DS1 we just left him to it. We read story, tucked him in, left him with toys and left the room. Let him get on with it. It worked. He stood at the gate for a few evenings crying but eventually got the jist no-one was coming. After that he would just play then put himself to bed - or fall asleep on the floor! or in the toybox! You could try the supernanny technique, quietly putting him back and keep at it, night after night.... We did that with DD2 because she didn't give in and go and play or sleep and after 2 weeks of her screaming at the stairgate we tried the keep putting her in bed technique. That worked for her.

[jerikaka]

Having similar sorts of problems. DS has slept fine in his bed for 2 months, even better than he did in his cot. Now he has reallised that he can get us to give him a cuddle, and won't let go. We have a stair gate on his door, but I don't like him falling asleep on the floor, or him repeatedly kicking the stairgate at 5am when he decides it's time to get up. Trying the supernanny technique, but it does take time and perserverence. Make sure you give no eye contact or conversation whenever you go in. I had to keep putting ds back in bed for 2hours this morning until he finally went back to sleep. Really wishing he was still in his cot now!

[handlemecarefully]

"I am not a big fan of the gate on his bedroom door, especially at this age as it is his bedroom which he should see as his special space not a prison. HTH. "

Perhaps a little over analytical?

[peachandpear]

I think if its done from very early (ie when they start crawling) they know no different. I don't think I would suddenly put one up when they are about 2, I think that might make them feel they are imprisoned. As I said, we did because we had to (old house, top of stairs weird) and it was fine. We have moved now so not sure what I will do this time round. Hadn't got to thinking that far!

Anyway, Ags, how is it going? Any improvements?

[geekgrrl]

I think a stairgate would ge good just from a safety point of view - we have stairgates on our little ones' doors because they might get up during the night and roam around the house otherwise.
Agree - stairgate and supernanny approach sould sort him out.

[peachandpear]

Good point, plus it stops them coming into your room in the middle of the night and crawling into bed with mummy!

[polly28]

has he got a side thingy (can't remember the name) ?

Maybe he feels insecure with no sides.....bedguard! that's the word.

[Ags]

Thanks a million for all the helpful responses. Am still going through the mill a bit and doing gradual withdrawal at the moment (Tanya Byron). So my time on the computer is severely limited at the moment.

I am doing gradual withdrawal to placate my husband who is completely freaked about all this and really worried about his little boy. I am much more practical and know that rapid return will be the only way forward but have agreed to do this for a few more days.

Your responses have only served to make me even more determined so thanks a lot for your help.