1st parents evening at secondery school. How much of this should I bring up, without sounding like we're slating the school?

[chuffinalong]

Hi, My daughter has gone form a lovely, small mainstream primary, with a full time one to one to a special school which caters for children with moderate learning difficulties, with or without autism.

Everyone I've spoken too, says what a lovely school it is etc, but in the short space of time she's been there, I'm really not seeing anything other than their incompetence.

These are the issues or the little things which are bugging me, some might sound petty, but here it is:

The main concern is over the boys in the class. She has at least two who openly fancy her, follow her around and refer to her as 'babe, hot and sexy.' This doesn't upset her, and I think she quite likes the attention, but she does get taunted by the other children, saying 'you two are in love!' etc, which she doesn't like. She was pushed into a boy by another boy who was chanting 'kiss him' at her. Some of the girls have started to say unkind things to her and I'm wondering if it's because she receives so much of the boys attention? She is a pretty and very friendly girl who is very well developed for her age... She also has very few inhibitions, so I'd like this to be kept an eye on.

The first feeling we got that the school wasn't very well organised was when my husband drove to the school with our DD's coat as it had started to rain, after she'd left on the school bus. He handed it in to reception said her name and class, and they said they'd make sure she got it. Time went on, and no one had seen the coat, despite messaging the teacher. My husband went into the school to ask about it, days later and it was still sat in the office.

We get letters home to sign and send back, which just started to add up in her bag. I let the teacher know that she now had 7, some of which contained money. The teacher just said that 'A' needs to learn to do it herself, but she's now taken the letters out. She said she'd remind her every morning....which she hasn't.

My DD was poorly one morning so we phoned the school, and explained and said we'd see how she was after the calpol etc, they said that was fine, we then phoned back to say she was coming in. She only missed 2 hours, but we received a form telling us that she had an unauthorised absence and it would be marked as that if the form isn't returned asap.

This is quite petty, I know, but my DD tells me what the children do in the class, and there are a couple of children with very challenging behaviour! My DD thankfully has always been very good and well behaved at school. Anyway, over half the children in her class have received a prize for collecting points, including the two challenging children, but my DD hasn't. I just find that a bit strange and I'm hoping she hasn't taken a dislike to her for some reason? My DD did say that she was very surprised when the teacher spoke to her the other day in a kind voice. I said 'isn't she usually kind?' my daughter said 'No!' in a kind of are you kidding voice.

So I really don't want to rock the boat two much and be known as 'those parents', but then again, I am concerned by all of this. I'm starting to wonder if it is the best school for her, even though there is nothing else in our area. I have actually considered home educating her if it gets too bad.
Will mentioning the school issues actually help in any way? I'll definitely mention the boys and taunting, but I'm not sure about the rest?
I'd be really grateful for any advice.
Thanks.

[mouldycheesefan]

Hi I think you already had a thread on this But without the taunting? Sounds like it has got worse.
Raise all the issues. The sexualised behaviour particularly needs to stop and be taken seriously.

[chuffinalong]

Hi, yes I did and it has got worse. I'm just wondering now how much to say... I know it's in my DD's best interests for us to work closely with the school and we're not going to forge a good relationship if we're seen as complainers, complaining for the sake of it. It's tricky..

[nocampinghere]

focus on the serious stuff - the boys, taunting etc. that needs dealing with sharpish. the classroom behaviour too, how does it affect your dd, focus on how it negatively affects her learning rather than just complaining about it.

the coat, the forms, the letters in her bag - leave that out, this is secondary school and your dd needs to become as independent as possible.

the points - just ask how she is getting on, is she close to getting a prize? that can be framed as a question rather than a problem/issue.

[mouldycheesefan]

You aren't complaining for the sake of it are you? You have genuine concerns. To be honest I wouldn't wait for parents night to discuss the sexualised behaviour I would be up there today! You have been worrying about this for days, go in and get it sorted.

[chuffinalong]

Thank you, I'll focus on that and pose the prize thing as a question. I thought I might mention that my DD is not very independent at all, to the point of not pulling up her trousers if they fall down, she'd rather show her backside than bother to pull them up... If I put a jumper on her and it turns out warm, she'll be sweating cobs, but won't think to take off the jumper. I might explain this and say that I'm thinking of using a star chart for every time she shows independence. That way, they would know what she's like at the moment, and that could be focused on in school too?

[chuffinalong]

I will definitely get this sexualised behaviour sorted. I knew it was bound to happen at some stage, but not at 11!

[Longlost10]

To reassure you, a lot of this is normal and to be expected. A lot of students who get one to one in mainstream have a big jump into special schools, where one to one doesn't happen. The attendance form would have been generated automatically through missing morning registration, and yes, naughty children do accumulate the most rewards.....

Is the coat named? If not, make sure you get that done. But why didn't she go and collect it herself? She also needs to be handing in her letters herself too! Unless there is some reason she can't do this, that you haven't mentioned.

I would say the sexualised behaviour is your most urgent issue, and focus on this. mention the points, and also say your daughter would like to know how to earn more.