When do you call the Police when bullying gets too much

(15 Posts)
dggs Tue 12-Nov-13 20:08:23

My DD is in Year 7 and recently started at Secondary School. It was a big leap for her, more homework and new friends as you would expect.
Having been to a failing primary, we had hoped things would pick up. Unfortunately it has turned out to be a nightmare. She hates the school. We finally got out of her after 3 weeks that she was being bullied. Not physically but mentally. Being shunned. Being mocked for simple mistakes. We think it got worse as her books and PE kit were going missing. We got some stuff back from lost property but were angry that children at a very good school could do this. We knew that the bully who was targeting her had taken some small items, and one of the teachers resolved this. They are being kept apart in class, but that can't be kept up for ever, and no where near the 7 years she will be at school. The effect of bullying and thefts is damaging our life, but can only hope that the teacher's words will make their mark. Whilst they have spoken with us, we have not been written to. I do fear for my DD, the impact on her psyche and confidence, and the impact it is having on her grades. How far do we let things go, if they do escalate before we seek outside intervention. If this harassment happens to someone over 18, the police get involved. For children there is no such protection. What I hope is that there is no racism involved, as my DD has suffered in the past from this and I want things to be more settled. Some guidance and assurance would be welcome. I have said if anything else gets stolen, I will go to the Police but the school seems to blame her for losing things.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 12-Nov-13 20:14:55

It is awful OP but unfortunately part of most secondary schools. My friends ds is y7 and has received verbal death threats, been hit, thumped, etc and the Police didn't want to know.
He has several sn and has recently had a nervous breakdown and sectioned. He was taking the highest strength meds they could give him. School did nothing, Police did nothing.
So my answer seems to be get used to it, keep fighting back its all you can do.

Talkinpeace Tue 12-Nov-13 20:24:24

How big is the school?
Can they not be put in separate bands and classes so that they never meet?

dggs Tue 12-Nov-13 20:38:44

The school has 6 classes of just under 30 pupils in each. I would prefer some change, but if my daughter moved and she is the victim I would not like this. It is unfortunate that each of the 6 classes is learning something different, and she is in a class with a specific combination of languages.

Regarding the news on Police action, I am appalled how ignorant and unhelpful the Police can be, but from personal experience I know that they can be slow.... but if they get involved people do act. I doubt the school would like a police car calling.

bangersmashandbeans Tue 12-Nov-13 20:43:59

Depends on your area but in many places secondary schools will have a police officer/community support officer attached to them. They often know a lot of the pupils, particularly the more troublesome ones. Maybe worth seeing if your school has one and taking some advice from them?

heather1 Tue 12-Nov-13 20:44:47

Dggs would you consider going to the local press about this? Maybe they would be interested as it regarded as such a 'good' school. Bullying is such a foul thing don't be scared as a parent to scream and shout and make a fuss.
Have you seen the schools anti-bullying policy?
Also get a written record of everything. If they haven't written to you ask them too.
Also I would seek help from health professionals if your Dds mental health is suffering.
I hope it is all resolved quickly for you all.

Talkinpeace Tue 12-Nov-13 20:45:32

dggs
I take it this is a fee paying school?
As state schools with no fluidity between classes sounds very unusual.

RhondaJean Tue 12-Nov-13 20:50:59

My personal experience was that when it went outside school I marched dd down to the police station.

In our case the girl was well known to the police and was charged. This was only possible because the girl had hit my dd and pulled her to the ground and banged her head off the pavement (I should point out dd is a gold medallist in a very vicious martial art but refuses to hit outside of the gym confused) and it happened in front of several of her friends who are good kids and were happy to give statements.

That seemed to put a line under th whole thing, the school were aware I was taking it very seriously, dd felt justified that the police had taken it seriously, and whatever measures were put into place at the children's panel stopped the ongoing situation of harassment. It's just a shame it had to go so far.

scurryfunge Tue 12-Nov-13 20:52:10

If a criminal offence has occurred on school premises then usually a schools officer can deal with it with it but only if the parent and school decide it is appropriate. If you do not agree the school is dealing with any harassment appropriately then the police should investigate. Ask for the school bullying policy and ask how they are keeping your child safe.

homework Wed 13-Nov-13 08:33:43

We went though this , it's soul destroying not just for you but for your child also , we found the school although said they where doing thing , witnessed some action , never really actually sorted the problem out . My child eventually ended up getting assaulted , that police got involved this was taken seriously but all the other stuff just got sweep under the carpet so to speak . We eventually moved our child after two years of this torment . This has been the only thing that's made a difference , fresh start fresh school , not experienced any episodes of bullying at all, since the move . Still early days as they learnt not to trust other kids , so taken time to develop friendships , but slowly getting there.

dggs Wed 13-Nov-13 21:43:06

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Talkinpeace Wed 13-Nov-13 21:50:39

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SpencerPercival Wed 13-Nov-13 21:52:44

i think you should be careful naming the school.

Talkinpeace Wed 13-Nov-13 21:55:21

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SpencerPercival Wed 13-Nov-13 21:55:57

hmm yes - libel etc

you dont know all the sides of the story here. not that I am not sympathetic

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