All at sea re DS1 and where he goes from here

[OrmirianResurgam]

DS has always been a bit so-so in school, never brilliant but usually ok. In secondary he started to do better and seemed keener but from yr 10 it all went downhill. In the end he did worse than expected with a b, 3 Cs, 2 Ds, an E and an F. I am still reeling tbh. I was academic and I am struggling to cope with this. H tells me I need to get a grip, it's Ds' life and exams aren't everything. I know logically he is right but the panic keeps creeping back. He has a place to do furniture making and design with a view to making instruments eventually but I am just so worried he won't make any effort and that will all fall by the wayside and he'll be left with nothing. I feel as if he's flying on a wing and a prayer. DS seems keen and excited but I don't know if that will last.

He is only in college 3 days a week so he needs to find some work for the rest of the time. Just don't know where to start. At his age I was starting a levels with a solid set of O's under my belt and planning to go to university.

Can anyone talk me down. Please!!

[aftermay]

You say he seems keen and excited. That's a good start. It's natural to worry and think ahead about the next step but he's getting to be a young man now and will need less pushing (however much you still feel it' s your duty to help).

[demisemiquaver]

sounds like a good course he's on so tell him that!!but also make use of the fact that his lazoiness caused poor results and to not make the same mistake with this course which he appears to VALUE more than school exams : GOOD FOR HIM !!!!!!!

[cory]

there, there Ormirian, down now, down

[flowers and soothing noises]

The main thing to hang onto here is that he is in a much better position than the thousands of youngsters who have poor GCSE results and no plans or interests

so he has a place on a vocational course- that is a very good start

and a course that he really wants to do- even better

and one that leads to a clear goal rather than some fluffy pretend course- even better

he will probably be expected to spend some time on preparation when he is out of college, and it would of course be good if any job he takes outside is of a kind to support his studies and add to his CV- volunteering in an antiques shop probably better than stacking shelves at LIDL

My gifted nephew who had rather good results from secondary school decided to go into carpentering instead of traditional subjects; he set up his own building firm straight after leaving college and is doing very well indeed.

A friend of dd's who did badly at GCSE's was allowed by her parents to go onto a vocational course in performing arts and seems to be doing really, really well; it turns out she has genuine talent.

[olivevoir58]

Having read all the posts from despairing parents of AS students who have bombed, I'm quite relieved my dd has decided to go down the vocational route...she was only very borderline A level material and not in the least interested in academic study. I'm not sure whether its a L3 Btec your son is doing, but these are equivalent to A levels in terms of UCAS points and so doesn't close the door to university (maybe not a RG but there are plenty of others around). Of course with my heart, I would have loved her to have gone down the traditional route and stayed on at school, but with my head, I know it is HER life and she needs to live her dreams and not mine.

[cricketballs]

I wasn't going to post as others have said the same as I was thinking then I read "A friend of dd's who did badly at GCSE's was allowed by her parents to go onto a vocational course"

I am struggling to put into words how disgusted/angry I am about this! It is not the parents life but the friends so its her decision on the course of her life and she doesn't need permission as to the subjects/type of course she wants to study; our job as parents of 16+ is to advise and support and not to dictate

[littlemisswise]

I can understand why you are reeling, I would be too.

The course he is doing sounds brilliant. I think you need to hold on to the fact he has got a place on a vocational course and he does seem keen and excited to go to. Don't lose faith in him before he has even started, that's not fair, not all kids are academic, this could well be the making of him.

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

The course sounds fabulous, and maybe away from a school type environment he will feel happier?

Great he has a goal too, that is fabulous. What made him want to do that?

[Levantine]

I get it, but what I think could be more stressful would be having a child who wanted to do something unrealistic. Or scraping into a not very good university to do a course they would struggle with. Or wanting to do nothing at all.

I did the traditional route but at one point I had a fantasy about making musical instruments. It would have been totally unrealistic for me as I am pretty cack handed. Sounds as if your DS could do really well.

[mummytime]

There will always be a need for furniture and musical instrument makers - much more so than people with degrees in Philosophy (and I highly rate Philosophy as a subject, it just doesn't put bread on the table).

Get your son to go out and look for a job. Antique shops, instrument makers would be a good place to start. Then if he can only get voluntary work, Sainsbury's pays well.

[LIZS]

Is he retaking any of his GCSEs ? It might be worth having at least 5 at C or above simply to increase his employment options longer term. Meanwhile could he either find a placement in a workshop, cabinet maker, timber supplier or volunteer on a charity project locally.

[creamteas]

I have two adult DC. One did the academic good GCSEs, A levels and has just finished his degree. But he has found is passion in an non-academic area and is currently working in a job he didn't need any of these for! The other bombed at GCSE (bright but no work) but did an apprenticeship and is doing great.

Did your DS get Cs in English and Maths? If not I would try to encourage him to do these again. Other than that I would suggest looking for relevant work experience on one of his non-college days. That would really help him progress his career.

[OrmirianResurgam]

Thanks for the comments and encouragement x

Cream - he has a c in maths and a d in English but the school are having it remarked as he was only a few marks off a c. If it remains a c the college will make him do it again.

I have known for a while he didn't want to to uni and that was fine, and the furniture making thing is wonderful but I always thought he'd get reasonable GCSE grades so he'd have a fall back position. The most distressing thing is the e in music which was meant to be his strength - his target in yr 9 was b so Lord only knows what happened there!!

I have found that there is a guitar maker in the town. I have suggested ds email him and see if he can visit him - maybe something might co'm e of that... But he doesn't want to. I have spent so much of his life pushing him to do things, encouraging him, helping him, and long-term it did no good, so now I have backed off. It's up to him. I will help if he asks for it otherwise I'll leave him to it. He has seen what happens when you are lazy (he admits that) so maybe the lesson will be learned.

Good thing I love the bones of him and find him good company or I'd have throttled him

[LIZS]

That's a start, but don't rule out picture framers, furniture restorers, joiners etc as he will gain skills which are more generally useful and commercial. Could he find some crafters who sell woodwork at country fairs locally and ask if he could go and work with them for experience ?

[cory]

cricketballs Sun 01-Sep-13 09:04:35
"I wasn't going to post as others have said the same as I was thinking then I read "A friend of dd's who did badly at GCSE's was allowed by her parents to go onto a vocational course"

I am struggling to put into words how disgusted/angry I am about this! It is not the parents life but the friends so its her decision on the course of her life and she doesn't need permission as to the subjects/type of course she wants to study; our job as parents of 16+ is to advise and support and not to dictate"

Sorry, that was just my very bad phrasing. I should have said "not advised against". Of course you are right. And they would agree with you.

Having said that, it was a course that leads to a very, very uncertain future indeed and unless she is one of a lucky handful with exceptional talent would not leave her with many alternatives. Not a vocational course of the type that actually gets you a job. So potentially one that faces the parents with an offspring who is stuck at 18 because they cannot get a job and cannot get onto any other course.

As parents I do think we have a right to point out to our children that we will only support them up to a certain point and that after that they will be responsible for supporting themselves.

But have no doubt her parents were right to let her decide.

[Bowlersarm]

I think I am going to be starting a similar thread to yours next year OP. my DS2 (15) sits gcse's this coming year and I have absolutely no clue as to how he'll do. He's bright, very lazy, and doesn't have a good history of good exam grades.

I have absolutely no idea whether he will get the A's/B's he is capable of or the C's/D's in reality he will get. DH and I are trying to think outside the box with him, rather than the traditional A level uni route.

At least your DS has a good plan in place he can work with.

[teacherandguideleader]

I was academic and did the traditional route - A levels, University etc. I love my career.

DP was not academic and got on an apprenticeship and loves his career.

DP doesn't have a student loan, and earns more than I ever will. He may do a degree soon, and his company will pay for it.

Neither of us regret the pathways we have taken - they were right for us.

[OrmirianResurgam]

Ha! Dh found out yesterday that AQA hadn't taken into account all his science papers so in fact he got Cs in for both exams not a C and an 'X' !!

[frogspoon]

ormirian, that's good news, what does it bring his new grade total to? When will you find out about english remark?

He does have the benchmark 5 A*-C grades, including maths, so if he can either have the English remarked or retakes it next year he will end up with a decent set of GCSEs which will be fine on his CV for what he wants to do.

[Moominmammacat]

I think being an instrument maker would be divine. I'm not saying he should do an academic course eventually but have a look at Bucks New Uni ... they do some wonderful furniture stuff. I think you're lucky he's doing something interesting and worthwhile. I'd just make sure he filled his time with useful things/work experience ... easier said than done.