DS has really changed since starting secondary school!

[jus3351]

DS started secondary school in Sept and at first he started off working so hard on his homework and in school, eager to to his best, we had a glowing report from all his teachers at the first parents evening saying how focussed he was. He's working at levels 6 for maths and science and doing making good progress on all other subjects. However, since he's established new friendships (he didn't know anyone when he first started the school) it's all changed. It's a real struggle to get him to sit down and complete his homework properly, he often says his friends aren't bothering, they'll either copy from others or get a detention instead rather than do the homework! I've suggested he try and widen his circle of friends and get to know others that are working hard as this is going to be positive for him. He says those kids are annoying and not the kind he'd like to be friends with. He's always been a bit of a follower but now getting worried as he seems to be surrounding himself with friends who, although they are streetwise don't seem to have any strict guidelines from home as far as homework is concerned and it's now becoming a real challenge to enforce this at home. I know you can't choose their friends but I wish I could!!!

[Labro]

I'd contact his HOY and double check whether its becoming a problem. School may have something like a homework club which might stop it slipping too much. Either that or you have to set a couple of ground rules (not too many!) along the lines of homework first then computer/console/tv etc.

[hardboiled]

I agree. You have to set rules at home but the school has to do something about those kids too. If they're not working or showing any interest, what is the school doing about it? Obviously the kids don't care about detention, so they have to change strategy. Your DS may react if he sees those kids having a hard time with teachers, heads, etc. Right now it seems the fun thing to do because the consequences are minimal.

[racingheart]

Ask him a bit more about these new friends. Would they be mean to him if he carried on working hard? If so, why? Do they sneer at people who achieve and have high aspirations? If so, does he want to become like them?

Show him his early reports and remind him how much he enjoyed working and how well his teachers thought he was doing. Ask him what he dreams of doing in the future. Ask if mooching around getting detentions will help him do this., What doe she see these boys doing with their lives later on?
Try and get him fired up with some goals for himself and some big ambitious plans for his life.

Meanwhile I'd invite all these friends over for pizzas so you can get to know them and find out what makes them tick. May well not be them at all who are causing his dip in energy. See if they have anything that motivates them in life - a sport or instrument, or something that shows they're not completely lazy and uninspired.

We can't choose their friends but we can clearly point out that real friends want us to succeed and thrive. People who belittle us or want us to underachieve aren't really worth staying close to.