Very anxious daughter taking A levels

[jubileemum]

Well, we have finally reached the end of what has been a very difficult two years for my daughter at a sixth form boarding school. The school is mixed, but most girls join a house which is just boys up until the sixth form . Five girls join in each sixth form year. Anyway 2 of the girls form day one decided they would make my daughter's life a misery and so the boys followed suit. She is not odd or unpleasant in any way and was always popular at her previous schools and had lots of friends. Needless to say her confidence has taken a real blow and I am very worried that she has just messed up her A levels. She won an academic scholarship to the school and was originally recommended to follow the Oxbridge route (although did not apply this year). She is predicted 4 grade A s at A level, but has managed to get herself into such a state that she feels she has done very badly in all of them, she cannot sleep and is very tense....not the best way to sit exams! I feel desperately sorry for her and really do not know how to best comfort her and where we go from here. Any kind help would be greatly appreciated...has anyone been in the same siuation?

[BCBG]

Girls can be such bitches . I have a ds sitting A2s and a dd sitting AS, both at the same boarding school. The move may not have been very successful, given that it came at a tricky point and the scholarship set her on a bit of a pedestal IYSWIM. She may also be a perfectionist (DS is, and he is a Scholar btw) and he is getting himself into a right state as well atm with no excuse! All you can do is reassure her: if the worst comes to the worst (which it won't) she can always retake. But I would contact the school right away to see what their perspective is from a pastoral point of view. If she is being bullied or ostracised then they should be dealing with it. I am sorry you feel she is having such a hard time and I hope you get it sorted.

[Yellowtip]

Has she finished all her papers now jubilee? Surely she has a good steer on where she is marks-wise from her AS results and any previous modules.

My (very pretty) niece had the same situation on joining a boarding school in the Sixth Form. These girls can be foul - especially the popular ones - where they scent a potential rival, either academically or for the boys' attention.

[jubileemum]

Thank you both BCBG and Yellowtip for your kind words. The move certainly has not been easy for her and she has tried very hard to just get on with things. I have not been impressed with the school as far as sorting out the pastoral side of things goes , her housemaster is very aware of the situation, but I think unable to deal with things properly. It just does not bear thinking about to have endured two years and not even come out with good academic results. I think she will need a lot of help to get her confidence back.

She is taking a mixture of A levels and Pre U exams.....She had two A's in her ASs last year, but the Pre U exams were all taken this year.....she has one left tomorrow, but is in a real state about it as she is very tired and cannot sleep. She really needs three A's this time around, so yes she is a bit of a perfectionist.

She is indeed a very pretty girl....Is very popular with the boys anywhere else, but one boy at school said he wouldn't speak to her because he didn't like her face! She did laugh about that.

Thank you once again for your replies....they made me feel a lot better...I just need to help my daughter feel the same way.

[Yellowtip]

There are far too many out there feeling the same way, often the ones with least reason to doubt themselves, so it doesn't make sense. From a purely fatalistic point of view there's really nothing left that either of you can do - like so many before her, she'll have to run off adrenalin. I'd ring her and tell her to get to bed, even if she can't sleep because she'll at least rest and nothing at all with revision will go into her head this late.

I bet she's worth a million times her detractors are worth, it's most often the way. Clearly she has a mum who believes in her which counts for a very great deal. Perhaps the sooner she can come home after the exams are over the better. Then you must drill into her that this pattern is repeated time after time and usually the nice (often the too sensitive) girls triumph. Poor thing.

[jubileemum]

Thanks so much Yellowtip, was just about to ring and tell her to get herself to bed....I know she was talking to her teacher tonight so hopefully he has put things into perspective for her and reassured her that she has been working for two years on this and is very capable of doing the exam in the morning. I am picking her up straight after tomorrow's exams and she will be meeting up with friends for the weekend so hopefully she will be able to relax and have some fun.

[gelatinous]

Kids can be really foul - what a horrid situation for her to be in. I hope her exams have gone/go better than she thinks and she can put this behind her. Has she applied to any universities this year or is she planning a year off or something else?

[jubileemum]

I know girls can be awful, gelatinous, but I have been very surprised at the influence they seem to have over the boys. It is just very distressing to have seen an outgoing popular girl loose all her confidence in the space of two years. She is hoping to go to Manchester or Newcastle this year to do English, but it is looking like a gap year is on the cards. A real shame if it turns out that way as she was really looking forward to going. Her final exam is tomorrow so thank you very much for your kind wishes. I will be keeping everything crossed for her as she deserves to do well.

[gelatinous]

well I do hope she doesn't need to take a forced gap year, but I suppose if she does, then helping her plan something useful in it with the right balance of fun and earning something would be good. Perhaps you could have a think about the sort of things she might enjoy so you have some suggestions if the need arises. In the short term would you both enjoy a pamper day or somesuch when she gets home?