What to do/say to DC before (and after) 11+ exams?

[NormaSnorks]

DS has 11+ entrance exams next week.

We've done all the practice papers. He gets good marks. He should get in OK.

BUT

He keeps saying he is 'rubbish' and is 'going to fail' which is really worrying us.

I don't know if he's doing it to wind us up!
This morning we found ourselves listing all the best bits from his school report, pointing out his 85% + track record and telling him to stop running himself down.

How can we get him to be more positive - help!

Also, how do you handle the day before/ days of the exam. What were your parting words to them 'do your best?'

Any advice for afterwards too - is it best not to ask them too much etc?

[crazymum53]

Does you child want to go to this school and does he have any friends who are also doing the entrance exam ? At this stage they are quite aware of their peers thoughts and opinions.

My dd is Y6 and our first choice school is not the catchment school. Other children have made comments such as "you don't want to go that school........... etc." so peer pressure could be the problem.

Perhaps your ds has worries about making new friends or what the school will be like. You need to talk these through.

On the other hand you always try saying something like "well if you don't pass you can go to (local bog standard school)" and see how he reacts!

[mary21]

We told DS2 not to worry about passing or failing just to do the best he could on the day. We also gave him the advice that was on the chukra website, If he found the exam hard everyone else would too, so dont panic . If he found it easy so would everyone else so beware silly mistakes. We are lucky our 2nd choice, non selective is a good school

[sue52]

I think my parting words to both DDs on the morning of the 11plus were something like do your best and we'll be proud of you no matter what the result. We didn't ask too much about it afterwards, they were truly fed up with the whole thing by then. We did have a plan B if the results weren't what we needed.

[NormaSnorks]

Good advice about everyone finding the papers hard if he does.

I think he is well and truly fed up with the whole thing... (as are we!) but we need to keep him bouyant for just a few more days!

He has been doing 20-30 mins a day of practice papers and his marks are getting WORSE!

I'm worried he has 'peaked' too soon (or he has just stopped applying himself - a sort of rebellion )

[PlanetEarth]

Sympathy here. I'm doing practice papers with my daughter for a couple of local independent schools. Her best friends will be going to the local comp - which we do not want her to go to, but every now and again she says, "Why can't I just go to (local comp)." I'm sure she will get in, ability-wise, but she might have a mad panic - she's had a few during practices. I also wouldn't put it past her to just throw her toys out of the pram and fail deliberately...

It's a tough one because while I've heard horror-stories about the local school I don't want to tell her too many of them as most of her friends will have to go there and lump it .

[PollyMorfic]

Sounds as if he's anxious (who woulnd't be) and is trying to pre-empt failure by saying he's rubbish etc. Keep calm, tell him it's normal to feel worried, that all the other people will be feeling the same way, and that he's got as good a chance as anybody else so he might as well give it a go.


Keep repeating the mantra: "If you don't get in, that doesn't mean you've failed, it means that XYZ wasn't the right school for you."

Immediately before the exam you say, "Bye, good luck, have a good day, hope it goes well" or variations on that.

AFterwards you do not under any circumstances ask them detailed questions about the exam, and discourage them from doing post-mortems of the tests with their friends. Just say, "Well done, you've done your best and that's all anyone can ask of you." You can also point out that having a go at something where you might 'fail' or do less well than other people is difficult for everybody, and that they've done something really impressive and courageous just by facing their fear and giving it their best shot. Then you take them to McDonalds/Pizza Hut or whatever other thing they will like that you wouldn't normally take them to, and give them lots of nice food, followed by a nice long session of slumping on the sofa watching dross on the telly.

[DELHI]

Agree with Polly - we just told DCs that it was a test to see if GS was right for them, not to see whether they were 'clever' enough. Didn't pass in the end, but very happy with 2nd choice.

[arcticwind]

My dd will be doing it in the autumn but we are already looking at papers etc and the alternative schools.

She has been fully involved in all choices so sees the exam as an 'option' not an essential.

Can you reassure him by perhaps talking about the other options, and how the exam gives him an extra 'string to his bow' thus removing some of the stress of 'passing' the exam?

Best of luck to him