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AIBU Advice Please

10 replies

GizmoFrisby · 14/09/2016 18:40

I'm a sahm only recently as I used to own my own hair salon but after being hospitalised whilst pregnant with my dd I had to sell up. Anyway that's a different thread.

My dp works shifts, one week 6-2 following week 2-10.
I do absolutely everything at home cleaning,washing, school runs,shopping, bedtimes up in the night you name it I do it, me and dp have been bickering lately over he thinks he's bad done to. I don't stay up late enough on weekends, I'm too soft on kids, I don't adhere to his rest times?!?! I feel like I can't do right for doing wrong. I do all the cooking feeding dd 16mo, I'd say he's changed approx 5 nappies since she was born.
Due to getting back to work only casual mobile hairdressing now, I text him before(he's at work) 2-10 bare in mind he didn't get up till 11 today I was up at 5.45 am with dd, to remind him I was out in the morning to do some hair and he agreed last week it was fine. He's sent me a sarcy message saying I must of forgot he was on lates and would need a good nap???? AIBU expecting him to watch dd for 2 hours max so I can go to work???? He has a lie in every Sunday without fail, I am just totally baffled and need advice what I should do. I actually physically can't do anymore.
Thank you xxx

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lilwelshyrs · 15/09/2016 21:36

You're not unreasonable at all. He sounds selfish and lazy.
2-10 does not require a nap in the daytime ffs. He's not working overnight is he?!
You have so much on your plate - he needs to share the load. The kids are his responsibility too!

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MrsSecker · 22/09/2016 12:05

Fuck that! I'm at SAHM and my husband helps with washing, housework, cooking and looking after our DS. Can't stand men like this who think just coz we are at home means they don't have to help with ANYTHING including looking after THEIR children!!! Be firm!

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PaperdollCartoon · 22/09/2016 12:12

Your DP sounds like he's taking the utter piss out of you. Can't believe he thinks it's ok for you to do everything and him sleep whenever he likes. At weekends for a start there's no reason you shouldn't be doing equal amounts of housework and childcare.

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WhatWouldCoachBombayDo · 22/09/2016 12:13

I work a 2-8 regularly so ok 2 hours less, but I'm up at 7ish am with 2 year old DS ! There is only me as DP works away. Needs a nap! WTAF!

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MoreGilmoreGirls · 22/09/2016 12:32

He does not need a nap of he's working 2-10. What time does he get up? He's taking the piss. Does he do anything with his children?

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PovertyPain · 22/09/2016 12:36

He's a lazy, selfish prick. I used to work twilights, from 1pm to 11, sometimes as late as midnight. I still got up and did my share of house work.

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PovertyPain · 22/09/2016 12:37

Ask him does he want you to make him up a bottle and tuck him in? I'm angry on your behalf.

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SaggyNaggy · 22/09/2016 12:42

I'd tell him that if he's not willing to help with his child that ypoypoull find someone who will.
If he doesn't want to do his share of house work, you'll find someone who will.
If he doesn't make you happy, tell him in no uncertain terms that you will absolutely find someone who will.

He's taking you for granted, like you don't have other options, remoind him that you actually do and as soon as ypu choose too, you can up and leave.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 22/09/2016 13:03

I would ease up a bit on anything that is to do with running after him or making an effort when he is obviously critical and feels hard done by. It's no accident you wash his stuff and pick up food he likes and cook it so if he's unappreciative it's high time he bucked his ideas up.

Too soft on the kids? What's his expert way of parenting? If he's around often enough to pay attention and find fault he can chip in any time and do some paprenting himself.

As for you not staying up late enough at weekends to suit him, when one partner's on shifts, yes it gets like you are ships that pass in the night, it's unfortunate but that's how it is. (Added to which you might function best at different times anyway, my DH is naturally a lark and I'm an owl but we try and compromise). He is lucky to get a nice lie-in every single Sunday so from now on you might like to re-negotiate that.

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GizmoFrisby · 22/09/2016 13:23

Hi thanks for your replies. I have taken what you have said on board. I have done a lot less all round and he's noticed. I was in hospital on Thursday (doc admitted me) and think he had a well needed reality check what I do. He's been helping a lot more since. Glad you all agreed and I wasn't going round the twist.
Thank mumsnetters