Paranoid or potential stalker?

[SantaCruise]

I posted on here a few days ago about a young gay lad at college who I had befriended. I gave him my number to help him with college work and he proceeded to call me 6 times in one night, sent texts etc, referred to himself as my stalker and then sent another text at 10.40pm asking if I was still up.

DH was not impressed and started getting a bit irate about it. General concensus was that DH was being paranoid and I had nothing to worry about.

I am now however starting to agree with DH. On saturday he called me twice and on sunday he called me 9 times in one day. First few I answered, but then I started ignoring the calls.

He then sent me a jumbled up text messaage that made no sense at all so I text back saying "what??" and he phoned me back - I answered the phone and he completely denied sending me a text saying it couldn't have been him as he was asleep!! He then read the text back to me and said "what?? eh?? who the hell wrote that cos it wasn't me?/ I dont even understand what it says!" he then kept me chatting for ages.

Ok - my concerns are:

Why is he sending texts and then denying sending them?

He's supposed to be severely dyslexic - so how come 50% of his texts come to me almost unreadable and the other half are perfect English with not so much as a spelling mistake???

He kept trying to get my address last night. Now this bit really concerned me because he asked me where abouts in C I lived. I've never told him I lived in C. I gave a brief "behind the uni" answer and he then said "oh, you mean around (Street a)?" I said yes. He said "kind of near (street B)?" it just so happens my old address was directly in the middle of street a and b. You could NOT guess this. So it sounds to me like he has both my current and my old address. How?? He did let it slip that he knows someone in the office at college ...

So what do you reckon? did I make a mistake and is he a complete nut? He's also changed his entire career direction and is now doing EXACTLY the same as me.

He wasn't even enrolled on the course until last week, it finished this week so he's been turning up to classes when he wasn't even on the course.

Why do his texts look like they are being written by two different people and he denies sending some of them?

DH has come to the conclusion that he has a split personality and is a danger. What do you reckon?

[scurryfunge]

You need to be explicit with him and tell him that so much contact by phone, text, etc is unwelcome. Say that you are only happy to speak to him during the classes you share and not at any other time.

You have to give him a clear message that he is disrupting your life. If he continues then you need to report him for harassment.

[AnyFucker]

First of all, "split personalities" are a load of judgmental claptrap

However, like I said on your other thread this boy seems very needy and trying to attach himself to you

If the course has finished, there is no longer any need to stay in contact, so tell him so firmly

Then ignore any further attempts to engage you...I have the feeling you are rather liking the drama though

Oh, and tell DH to take a chill pill

[SolidGoldBrass]

I appreciate that you may be miliing this precisely because your H has been subtly isolating you for years - however, you need to tell this lad to leave you alone, stop answering your phone etc. ANd also tell your H that you will have all the friends you want, thanks.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

You mention your DH's opinion - what do you actually think?. Or are you hoping this is all going to go away (which it will not).

You should never have given this man your number. You have acted naively throughout re him and now he is intruding as expected on your home life.

He has probably followed you as well without you noticing (easily done). He will be now very difficult for you to personally get rid of and I do not think you will succeed if acting alone. It is also likely you will need to speak to the police re him because he is indeed harrassing you now and the contact is escalating. Trying to pin down as well where you live (I note he used leading questions as well) is another very bad sign.

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

I read your other thread and noticed that you said that you had been a recluse for years, haven't had many friends and now believe that your H doesn't want you to have male friends.

This got interpreted as your H doesn't want you to have any friends at all, when that's not what you said at all - and there is nothing in your posts claiming that he's ever said that.

Now it could be that your H has been isolating you for years and this is the reason you've been a recluse, but in the absence of you telling us this has been the case, I wouldn't make that leap.

I do think this college friend is someone to be avoided and I think you need to tell him to stop contacting you straight away. He is overstepping loads of boundaries and his behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable.

In the absence of you actually telling us that your H is a possessive, uncontrollably jealous control freak who polices all your friendships, his reaction to this man is understandable and I would assume you would feel equally discomfited if a woman he had met was behaving in this way.

But where your H is overstepping the boundary is by threatening to deal with this man himself - and mentioning violence. That smacks of some proprietorial nonsense about invading his territory. It is your responsibility to cut this man off, not his. And I think you should have done that after the first time he rang your house 6 times in one evening. I can understand your H's frustration that you didn't and like some of us here, he might think you are getting something from the experience of being stalked - and the associated drama.

This might have bugger all to do with your H feeling jealous of friendships and everything to do with your H feeling worried and fearful that you are encouraging someone who represents harm.

Tell this bloke that his behaviour is causing you to feel uncomfortable and don't blame your H for this, as stalker man will see this as a chink. Tell him you don't want this friendship and he should not contact you again. If he does, tell the college - and change your number.