Objectively speaking my husband is an absolutely wonderful man. He has a lovely caring outlook on life, lives by very firm principles, is professionally very successful and is, not that a matters in the slightest, very good looking. He was attracted to me and I to him initially as we seemed very similar ? both outgoing, confident, clever, happy. We got married and I was as sure as sure can be that I was making a great decision. We have now been married 8 years, as time has gone on we have become more and more different. I have remained as I always have been, really happy in anyone?s company, undaunted by almost any social situation, happy to talk to anyone, and not really experiencing shyness that much. I like going out, but don?t go out that much as I like much more staying at home with my family. I like to be there for my children and they all have busy lives that need a lot of administration ? arranging socialising with other children, making sure they have everything they need for school trips, projects etc, and helping them with their homework and other activities at home. They are undoubtedly my priority. However every now and again, I do go out, to a party, with friends, whatever. I would dearly love it if my husband came with me and enjoyed himself. Sometimes he does come with me. It is almost always an unmitigated disaster. If too many other people talk to me, he gets upset and wants to leave. He usually ends up leaving early and I always go with him as I feel guilty about him going angrily or upset home on his own. But I also resent this as I feel it is putting an end to one of my few nights out, when there is no real reason for it apart from his - as I see it ? ludicrous insecurity. It is not so much that he thinks I will cheat on him (I would never ever do this), he says the fact that I am popular and people want to talk to me, more than him, makes him feel bad. From my point of view, everyone wants to speak to each of us equally, all through the night, we will be in equal demand, not that it is a competition anyway, until he starts his moody withdrawal from everything, often accompanied by calling me ?Miss Popularity? and then, when he gives monosyllabic answers to people or even ignores them completely preferring to whisper in my ear about how we need to go and how popular I am and how he holds me back and so should just leave me there, then perhaps understandably, people tactfully leave him alone. I am at my wits end. He says he would be happier if he was with someone more mediocre as my success and popularity (obviously these are his words and his perspective, this is not what I am saying about myself!) make him feel rubbish and he feels in my shadow. I love him very much and when the going is good, it is really very good ? he is a great dad, and is funny and witty and can socialise, but only when there is absolutely no threat that I may speak to someone of around our age, that I am not related to. We have built a wonderful life together which I know from the outside must look perfect ? our children are all healthy and happy, we have great jobs, enough money and a lovely place to live. I have everything I have always wanted, apart from a husband who has the confidence to enjoy a social life with me.
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Relationships
EleanorHandbasket ·
10/06/2010 10:24
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