What is this text supposed to mean from ex?

[BertieBotts]

XP just texted me:

"Hey can't have at the weekend not myself will transfer money tomorrow"

(Money comment relating to maintenence. Yes, he always writes without punctuation.)

Do you think I should challenge/confront him over it, or just ignore him and be pissed off for DS' sake? This is not the first time he has let me down at short notice - the last time he gave me about 14 hours' notice and said it was because he was moving. Found out from a mutual friend (my mum spoke to the friend, not me, as she bumped into him) that he wasn't moving house at all, it was his girlfriend's DD's birthday This friend made a comment about not liking the new girlfriend and thinking she was a bad influence (not sure of exact wording).

Other slight things niggling at me which could be less important on their own but all together are bothering me, I thought I smelt a very faint cigarette smoke smell on DS' hair when DS came home from last time he was with him, and the girlfriend didn't have custody of her DD until very recently. She's also pregnant and I don't know the details or anything but just on what I do know, she had to have got pregnant very early on in the relationship with him, ie in the first couple of weeks.

I just have an odd feeling - and I don't really know where this has come from - that there might be drugs involved. When I was with him, XP was always really vehemently anti-drugs and especially if there were children involved - in fact I once witnessed him nearly put one of his friends through a wall over his drug use. I know that XP used drugs (weed, pills, coke, speed, I think that's all) when he was younger, but he was always so totally against it I don't know that he would do them again. But I don't know if his girlfriend was using drugs whether he would be tempted to get involved again.

I hope I'm just being really paranoid - what do you think?

[BertieBotts]

Oh and forgot to mention - after the cigarette smell I saw on his facebook that his girlfriend had left him a message saying something like "I picked up some fags for you from the shop" - so I don't think I did imagine the smoke smell.

[werewolf]

Perhaps he's ill - 'not myself'?



Still annoying, but at least ds wouldn't get ill.

[BertieBotts]

I don't know, if he was ill I would expect him to say he was ill. He's usually a complete drama queen, dying of man flu but I'll struggle on and go to work anyway kind of person.

[werewolf]

Well, hopefully he's not actually smoking round ds. Ds could have just picked up the smell of the house/his dad's clothes, iyswim.

[BertieBotts]

Yes, he could have done - and I'm not so worried about that per se, just that the fact he'd started smoking again might have meant he'd started other old habits as well. But I probably am being paranoid.

[LittleMissHissyFit]

FGS, dump him off Facebook, you don't need to know what his GF is picking up from the shops for him, that's way TMI for an ex.

Ask him outright if he's doing drugs when in the company of his DC, if not, then really it's his problem.

[Tortington]

from a [acket of fags to drug use is some leap i must say.

solicitors letter telling him times when he is to have his son.

you then have to explain to him, that you have other things to do when he has his son and if he cannot be reliable maybe you should re-think the frequency of the visits - to allow him time to plan them adequatley. Becusae what you cannot do, is cancel your plans on a moments notice. Remind him that he is not only letting his son down

[BertieBotts]

He's not on my facebook, my friend was checking her facebook at her house and I saw his name and was curious to see what it said. I don't know why they seem to use facebook like a text messaging service

I don't know if I can get a solicitor or not because we weren't married - I don't really know how it works. We did have a written agreement of when he will see DS and it has been working fine up until he started seeing this girlfriend.

I probably am being paranoid though, you are right. He's probably had an argument with his girlfriend or something stupid like that. It wasn't the fags really - he went through a phase of smoking again when he was with me so I wouldn't be concerned by that at all but it was the wording of the text message and the fact someone has said his GF is a bad influence on him.

I told him last time that he was also messing up my plans when he was not seeing DS and that he needed to give me more notice, ie at least a week, but I think he probably would like the thought that he is messing up my plans, so I tried to keep me out of it and just make it about DS. Then again we agreed at least 24 hours' notice before and he thought that 14 hours was enough on that agreement, so he probably thinks 2 days counts as a week.

[thumbwitch]

WHen he sees your DS normally, is the gf at the house as well? if not, he could have missed a word out - meant to say 'not BY myself'?

Still shit though. I get inordinately angry over people who put their new lives ahead of seeing their DC, as though the DC just don't matter as much any more.

[BertieBotts]

No the girlfriend has always been there, ever since he first started seeing her. The last one was always in the car too - I think he's only seen DS on his own once

DS seems happy enough with it at the moment though which is a good thing, but I feel sorry for him in the future when he realises, I remember when I realised my Dad cared more about his new family than he did about me and my sister I guess I just feel bad that I managed to choose him someone just the same for a father! Still, he could have cleared off completely, like his own Dad did so I suppose this is better than that.

[thumbwitch]

bummer eh.

I didn't realise that DS wasn't biologically his - d'you think it will make more of a difference when the gf has her (and ex's own) baby? Hope not but you can never tell, hey.

Men - dontcha just want to shoot some of them?

[BertieBotts]

No, DS is biologically his - where did I say he wasn't?

[BertieBotts]

Oh I see where the confusion came from - sorry, I meant XP's Dad cleared off when he was 4 and never contacted him again, even though he still lives in the same town. Not DS' Dad - he's only got one Dad

[Snorbs]

To be honest I'd say it's a waste of time to worry too much about his reasons and motives. What's important is that he has chosen not to see his DS this weekend. The why is his business. It's sad for DS but it's not worth wasting the mental energy on trying to work out what is really going on.

[booyhoo]

he's going out on the piss tonight and knows he will be too hungover tomorrow to cope with ds. by saying "not myself" he is not exactly lying but not being totally honest.

i would just leave it. i know it is disappointing for your ds but as he grows up he will learn to expect this from him and he will make up his own mind about whether he wants to still go or not.

[BertieBotts]

That doesn't totally add up either, because he doesn't have him overnight, so it would have been easy enough to have him tomorrow anyway.

I guess you're all right though and it doesn't make much difference why he has cancelled, the point is that he has done (and it's the second time in 2 weeks now ) But yeah DS will make up his own mind when he is older, I guess.

[thumbwitch]

whoops!
sorry, I did read that wrong obviously.

Hope he realises what he's going to lose out on before it's too late - and that your DS remains philosophical about it all.

[BertieBotts]

DS is only 20 months so not so philosophical yet! I guess he is going to notice that it's been a while he hasn't seen him though.

[booyhoo]

if i have a skinfull, the hangover usually doesnt hit me till the afternoon the next day so maybe he just doesn't want a sore head and a 20 month old. it was just my first thought when i read your post. could be totally wrong.

[thumbwitch]

oh I don't know - possibly not at that age. I took DS to England for 3w at the beginning of this year, when he was just 2 - he didn't even really notice that his Dad wasn't with us!