when youfirst start dating

[toomanydates]

ive dipped my toe back into the dating game and have had 2 dates with a man. I really quite like him a lot and can see it going somewhere.
But i know he is still seeing other people, casually and his dating profile is still on a website.

My natural instinct is jealously and i want to have a go at him about this. But im aware we have only had two dates, nothing physical has happened bar a quick kiss and we have not talked about exclusivity at all.

He has asked me out for a third date and is very positive about me.

Am i right to be jealous, or should i be more cool. im thinking i shouldnt even mention it to him

It all just seemed a whole lot easier when i was younger, you met, you had a few snogs then you were going out. i dont know when all this dating thing changed so much.

advice on how to handle would be appreciated.

[MarthaQuest]

Leave it til about date 5, then have a chat with him about whether you want an exclusive relationship with each other or not.If he doesn't, then I'd stop wasting time with him tbh.

i wouldn't personally sleep with him, until this was clarified.

Also, if his profile is still up and active, make sure yours is to, and go on dates with other me-sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

[toomanydates]

so i just should not mention it and be indifferent then?

Thing is i only found out by chance, though i did suspect that was the case.

Im on his facebook ( there are very limited women on there) and one made a comment this morning, about sorry for being late yesterday.

He wont have seen it yet, as he will still be asleep. It will be interesting seeing what he does with the commment, which is on his wall for all to see.

Also, he was on his dating profile in the early hours this morning.... when he wold have got home from the, what i am assuming, date.

our next date is lined up for next weekend.

im in two minds to just tell him to fuck off or to play it cool as really, i should not be too bothered after just a few dates should i.

[Confusedsoul]

I'd leave it for a few more dates, after only 2 dates and no discussion about being a couple, it would be a bit soon to mention it I think. Is your profile still up on the dating site?

It is really tricky isn't it... I started internet dating last year after my marriage ended, and things have moved on so much from the teenage 'going out with xxx' days!

I'm still with a guy I met on a dating site, I think we'd seen each other 5 or 6 times before I mentioned the word boyfriend - I did it sort of in jest, to test the water - luckily we were both singing from the same hymn sheet so to speak so it confirmed how we both felt.

Hope that helps - good luck - try not to worry too much!

[shimmerygoldglitter]

No you shouldn't. Just chill.

Think the advice about leaving it a while and NOT sleeping with him until exclusivity is confirmed is good.

I must say though that this way of dating is so much more difficult isn't it? In the old days you would start seeing someone and then they or you would tie up your loose ends without anyone being any the wiser and getting all insecure about things. Now it is all out there for everyone to keep track of.

[toomanydates]

yes, its a bloody nightmare. too much information sharing i think.
I was feeling really good about things, but then i saw this comment and instantly felt disheartned.

but an hour after i came to the conclusion that it doesnt matter, we have only had two dates and a third lined up. If i say anythign i look like a mental stalker.

I wont sleep with him until much much later.

[whatname]

oh dear, this sounds awful. Things have moved on a lot!!
Realistically, he's not going to take his profile down after 2 dates, so that's not a problem.
And if he already had dates lined up, I wouldn't really expect him to cancel

[toomanydates]

but its just rubbish isnt it.

i can try and be all cool and act like it doesnt bother me, beacuse its 2010 and it shouldnt do - it just bloody does.

maybe im not cut out for this dating lark.

i dont know if the date was already lined up or not. he asked me friday... for two weekends time as he knows im going away this weekend.

i didnt ask him. he asked me. so to me that shows interest.

i dont know

[whatname]

it is rubbish
I would try and be cool for another couple of dates, easier said than done.
If you think about it, if you go back to times before email/fb/text etc, how long or how many dates would you have before you asked him about other women? you would assume there wasn't any other women, but you would never know, you would have to trust him.
Unless you think he's giving you a bit of a runaround, maybe you just have to trust your instincts and trust him.
There are untrustworthy buggers out there, but personally I know 5 different people who have got together through dating websites, 3 are now married with children. so hang in there!

[toomanydates]

well. my exhusband was seeing someone else when i started seeing him. he dumped her a few weeks after we started seeing each other. I never knew until a few years later when someone else told me about it.

pre texts/facbook etc... you just wouldnt know would you. and you woldnt dream of asking after 2 dates.

Im thinking hes asked me for a third date. Our second date was a few weeks ago as i have been away. He must like me enough to go for a third date and i shall not worry abou this other ' assumed date'. Its quite likely that that was set up before he asked me for my third date.

i shall just be cool and see how it pans out.

[Aussieng]

Seriously - you need to chill or accept that internet dating is not for you! Are you not still chatting to other people on the dating sight then? That might help you feel a bit cooler and relax a little about the whole thing.

Brits don't do dating very well - like you say many people never evolve from the way things were when young which is pretty much that as soon as you go out you are "seeing each other" ie exclusive but internet dating is much more like the American system of playing the field a bit.

I met my DH internet dating so it can work out and I had a lot of fun internet dating and have one new friend out of it too (not super close but I bump into him in a coffee shop every now and then -usually when I look my worst- and we catch up). I agree - no sex until you have decided that you are ready to be more exclusive serious with each other (not that I think anything is wrong with people who want to be more casual about sex) but I would not have taken well to someone expecting me to cease all internet dating activity after just 2 dates.

[SolidGoldBrass]

YOu need to either get a grip or adjust your dating profile to make it very clear that you are only interested in Serious Commitment and will insist on exclusivity after the first email. You will get far fewer dates this way, and a percentage of them will be 50-year-old malodorous virgins who still live with their parents, of course - and maybe a few of your responses will be from men who are actually dangerous and love the idea of a woman so desperate for commitment that she will find stalkerish, controlling jealous behaviour 'romantic'.
Because, TBH, it's pretty unhealthy to rush into exclusivity after one and a half dates. You don't know the other person very well yet, certainly not well enough to decide if s/he is the best bet around. Remember that the early stages of dating are about finding out whether you like the other person enough to continue a relationship with him/her.
YOu should also bear in mind that not everyone is interested in longterm relationships anyway, and as long as they don't promise commitment, they have every right to reject a serious relationship and you have no right to assume exclusivity just because it's what you want.