might have to lose the BF and go it alone

[1pregheadpumpkin]

my pregnancy was unplanned. very unplanned. bit of a shock but at 18 i feel resonably capable of doing the right thing, so my initail shock quickly turned to bubbling excitement.

the boyfriend, whom we shall rename as james, is 21. he's sort of bumbled around for the last three years after gaining quite good A-Level results. (BBB) since 2007 he's worked as a crew member at a popular fast food restaurant. this is where i met him, fortunatley i only work here to part time to pay for my car. love over the burger grills?

he's nice enough and before the pregnancy i never really minded the fact that he works part time and lives with his dad, and can't drive, in fact, we got on, really well.

but now im pregant (4 months to the day) and he's known for all of that time, you'd expect him to buck up, no?

i have to nag, and i hate nagging, it upsets the both of us, and its hassle i dont need!! darling can you look for a job (yeah...later!") he doesnt seem interested and i can spend all morning trying to get him out of bed when i stay at his on the weekend, he's shown no interest at all but gets annoyed with me when i say i will do it alone.

i dont know if its harsh, but there is so much i need to do in the next 5 months and would rather not do it alone, but my parents have made it clear that if i stay with him and let him bumble around i will get no support, but alternately i can do the "sensible thing" and kick him to the kurb and they will give me all the support they can.

i'm happy to set him free if he wants, but he fights it. im begining to resent him, and wonder what i ever saw in him. the baby is just too important to make the wrong decision though.

help!

[Condensedmilkaddict]

Oh my goodness.
You sound like me decades ago. In your position I stayed with my James, and we are still together now - not without a LOT of tears along the way mind you...
Your DP has a lot of growing up to do, and it probably won't start until he sees the actual baby, and realises the massive responsibility in being a father.
Sounds like he gets along ok with his father? So at least he has a positive role model there.

I have to say that it seems unfair of your parents to want to get rid of your child's father without even giving him a chance.
Whether they like it or not he will be a part of their and their grandchild's lives forever.

I wish you all the best and encourage you to stick around on Mumsnet. There are some wise women here who are very supportive.

[SheWillBeLoved]

Get rid. Fast forward to nights when your newborn baby is here, screaming during the night, you're tired and stressed, and he is saying "Yeah, I'll help you in a minute".

Of course he may change. He's only young too. But maybe kicking him out now before the baby is here, will make him see that the above scenario just won't be an option. Good luck, and congratulations by the way

[Doha]

Get rid at least for now

You sound like you have your head screwed on the right way--well done you, he does seem a bit clueless perhaps immature a boy who has not quite found his niche in life yet. you have asked, nagged even , James to get a job but it's not working.
Bringing up a baby as a single parent is hard but it sounds as if you would have two babies to look after.

As l said get rid now and see if this is the wake up call he needs. If he sees what he is loosing he may buck up his ideas and try to do his best for you and your DC. If not you will have had a lucky escapre.

You are lucky to have the support of your parents but l am a bit that they will only support you without James being in the picture. That's not entirly fair however l am sure they are aware of James treatment of you and as a parent of a DD your age l can understand their but not condone their demands.

[1pregheadpumpkin]

well, update time.

i've since found out he lied about his a-level results. he said BBB, it is in fact CC. he apparently invented a whole qualification...

dont think he told me this, i found a copy of his CV.

this is minor though in comparason to the fact that he told me he had a driver's licence and 13,000 in his bank account.

both lies, as he finally confessed today. but not to me, to my dad.

he doesnt know i know yet, but it is OVER.

and good riddance.

[cherrylips]

OMG you must be so annoyed.

You go for what you want to now.

Keep well, and do all the ante natal baby groups and post natal baby groups you can, to garner as much support as poss.

Your mum and dad sound as if they will give you lots of practical and emotional support. Also if you do the groups you will make much needed friends in the same situation as you. You can support each other, and also have a laugh about the darker moments of looking after a baby. Also your kids grow together and you can have great fun.

Try not to get too angry with him. Just concentrate on yourself and your baby. He may mature quickly when the babe arrives, and may be an added bonus to have around. At the moment he sounds unreliable though, which is not what you need at the moment.

Good luck. It is the most amazing thing having a baby!

[Condensedmilkaddict]

It sounds as though you have already made up your mind.