Is my marriage back on track?

[Zooropa]

Hi, me again..
previous thread/s:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/900983-Please-help-me-sort-this-out

I thought I would update and ask for some more advice. DH has been almost back to normal and insisting that he wants to stay with us "forever". I am finding it so difficult to trust, though. We had a relate appt booked but ended up cancelling (I know, I know) - partly because things had been going quite well and I didn't want to dredge it all up again.

I am so bl00dy paranoid though - he usually texts me at lunch time (for example)and on the one occasion he didn't last week I rang him a bit upset and asked if he was feeling weird again He snapped a bit but apologised later. Thing is, I don't know if I'm hard done by or if he is. He is still playing football most sundays unless we are busy, though he didn't play last week because he'd been working away in the week. We took ds swimming together instead. But every time he is slightly less than loving towards me I get all worried.

I have also been thinking about his parents because MIL is lovely, but has basically waited on FIL hand and foot, when they were younger (apparently) he was out all the time playing lots of sport etc but she "didn't mind at all". He also criticises her a lot (for weight, food she cooks etc) under the guise of a "joke". She puts up with so much. He can be nice to her and romantic but he puts her down a lot too I feel. Anyway when DH and I got together he used to say he'd never treat me like that, but as that has been his role model of a marriage I am afraid he is starting to behave like his dad. For example sometimes when I say things I feel he subtely puts me down, though he says he doesn't. I am picking him up on anything like this as I want to make sure it is right, and this is causing a few spats.

Otoh he has been making the effort in many ways since his weirdness before - cooking a nice meal for valentines, making sure he comes to bed with me a lot of the time instead of staying up late (working apparently) on the computer, making the effort to suggest meeting us for lunch sometimes from work, geting up in the morning with ds 4 days a week though ds is waking very early and not getting grumpy about it - these are things I've mentioned before as being issues for me.

So basically I am confused as to whether I am in a good relationship or not, whether he loves me or not, and I just want to know if we stay together he isn't going to go all weird again and talk about not being happy/leaving. Little things are making such a difference to me, one minute I can think badly of him and the next I can think he's wonderful just by little things he says or does.

Sorry this is so long, I just don't really know where to go from here to feel normal again, and I don't think I can afford the counselling for me.

[Flame]

i have no advice, iirc i'm in a similar situation to you. all this second guessing is shit isn't it? I just want us to be again and for everything to be unsaid