DH wants to postpone TTC - I'm gutted, and consequently behaving like spoilt brat. Somebody slap me please!

[HopingLovedTheSnow]

DH is having a rough time of it at work at the moment, and has announced that we should postpone TTC until it improves.

To say that I?m gutted would be the understatement of the year. In principle, I believe that he should have as much say over TTC as I do, but we were supposed to be going on Holiday tomorrow (fertile time for me) and to TTC while away. He decided yesterday to cancel the holiday and for him to go away to where the HQ of his company is (another country) instead to try to sort things out.

He wants me to go with him, but at the moment I can hardly bear to look at him.

The thing is, there isn?t really a serious problem, he is in no danger of losing his job and even if he were, he gets headhunted by other companies on at least a monthly basis.

Someone slap some sense into me please? I can see that I?m being spoilt and selfish and the last thing I want is to force him into having a DC but I am sitting here in floods of tears over this.

I think part of the problem is that we have discussed this issue a few times and he has agreed that we can TTC, it is the fact that at the 11th hour he has unilaterally changed our plans and that is what I think I?m so upset about.

Please help me to see sense, I am pushing him away and really need to stop?

[HopingLovedTheSnow]

Umm, not sure why all apostrophes have come out as Question marks! Sorry

[nickelbabe]

i'm tempted to say that it's just your hormones.

i don't want to get flamed, but i really do think it is your hormones.

you definitely have to tell him how you feel, but i think if he thinks you should wait, then maybe you should?

see what comes out of the conversation.

[LaurieFairyCake]

I think you have a right to be angry at him cancelling the holiday - who died and made him king?

You have bigger probs than ttc in my opinion. You need to work out if you want to have children with someone who may become or is a workaholic.

You need to have conversations about him riding roughshod and cancelling the holiday.

And the biggest conversation needs to be about how much time he would give to his new family when the baby is here.

He may have done you a favour though I appreciate it doesn't feel like one at the moment.

[HopingLovedTheSnow]

Agreed, am quite hormonal. I had my Mirena taken out in December after 5 years and am struggling a bit to get used to hormones again.

Laurie, I have a horrible feeling you are right. Thinking about the decision to postpone TTC and cancel the Holiday, I feel really manipulated over the whole thing.

For the last few days, he has been moping around and generally being completely miserable with me. I said that if he was planning to behave like that while we were away, then I'd rather not go.

To be honest, I was expecting him to say that he'd snap out of it, not that he wanted to cancel the trip

It is a fair point re the workaholicism, but his job does keep us afloat (I'm retraining at the moment so not working at all). He does work a lot, but we do have a lovely lifestyle and I believe that its a sacrifice I am ok with.

He already has 2 DC from a previous marriage and is just the most fabulous dad to them, I do see what you are saying, but I have no concerns on that front.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Ok, he sounds spread pretty thin then. He feels he has to go to work HQ - maybe he feels under pressure?

If you're ok with doing most of the baby's care then tell him that

[expatinscotland]

I think I'd go on the holiday on my own so I could have some time to think.

Is it possible he doesn't want any more children so will just make excuse after excuse?

I've actually seen that happen to several people I've known over the years.

[HopingLovedTheSnow]

He is, Laurie, we had a massive row a few days ago about his priorities and he pointed out (quite rationally) that is priorities are me and his existing DCs. He wants to be able to provide for us all and that is why he is working so hard.

oh, FGS, I am just stamping my foot because I'm not getting my own way.

Knowing that isn't making me feel any better though. I was so much looking forward to us having a DC. I guess it could be worse though, at least it is postponing TTC, not not TTC altogether.

[EggyAllenPoe]

there is never a good time to have a baby.

apart from well, the time when you are physically capable of conception - that may or may not be a good time, but at least it is a time that works.

Is your man asking you to delay, or is this more of a 'never' from him? Will he come round if he realises how much you want this?

do you already have other kids yourself?

oh, and no-ines job is veer toally secure, therfore trouble at work isn't really a good reason to delay...you'd be delaying forever.

[HopingLovedTheSnow]

x posted expat - that is a worry, but he has agreed that we can TTC at some point, just not now.

I have thoroughly grilled him on the subject and said that if he doesn't want another DC, that he owes it to me to tell me straight. He is quite adamant that he does, but that now isn't the right time.

I'm 30, and have no health issues so another 6 months probably isn't going to make that much of a difference.

I'm just seething with resentment at the moment.

[lizziemun]

Ok agree to wait 6mths, but make sure he knows that you are not going on to the pill or anyother contraceptive.

Try to think that you are just giving your body time to settle in to its own routine.

[belgo]

I'm not surprised you are upset, you've lost your holiday and the prospect of another baby, even if only temporarily.

Hope he changes his mind soon!