Trial separation, advise needed pronto

[Fruitbatlings]

Could someone help me with this little query please.....
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/915708-Trial-separation

Thanks muchly

[Tanga]

Thing is, he probably feels much the same about the kids - so why should he leave? Also, the way the UK family court works, if he moves out he will be judged to have 'left' the children and established you as their Resident Parent so any advice from anywhere (for him) is going to be stay put until all the financial/child arrangements are made.

Could you separate your lives in the same house, using a spare room or kipping on a sofa? Also you might want to think about using mediation if discussions lead to rows. If he won't leave you'll have to work on long-term solutions. Good Luck.

[Anniegetyourgun]

XH and I had to share a roof for two hideous years while the divorce went through. He thought of himself as the primary carer and I was fecked if I'd leave the offspring to his strange version of parenting. He'd be there yet if we didn't have a court order to the effect that the house must be sold.

[Fruitbatlings]

Yes he does feel the same about the kids. I just want to separate for a couple of weeks and see what happens as I need a break.
He behaves like a teenager and I can't mother him anymore I have two children already plus my mindees, I don't need another child,, I need a husband. I'm tired and at the end of my tether.
Past threads explain what he's like.
We live in a very tiny two bed flat. No where to hide!
Have now told him and, unsurprisingly, he won't move out.
He has now taken the children to his grandmothers by the coast, as previously arranged.
I was supposed to go too but I can't sit there pretending to be happy.
So, basically I'm stuck with him while I slowly go insane?

[Anniegetyourgun]

The one and only time I felt seriously like ending it all was when I couldn't see a way out. My sister took me for a holiday abroad, which she couldn't really afford, bless her, and which I'm fairly convinced saved my life. Just that little time out of the madhouse gave me a whole new perspective. I started looking into the options around separation and divorce - and there are several options, even if your partner won't play ball. It may not necessarily have to be that drastic, but you do want to look into what you can do about the situation and present it to the pest your H with a firm ultimatum. Start talking to him about how you can make living apart as co-parents work. If that doesn't concentrate his mind wonderfully, there's no hope for him.

[Fruitbatlings]

I don't think he'll be interested in living apart as co-parents. I can see his raised eyebrow in my head right now!
I've had this weekend to myself which has been utterly wonderful. Took myself to the gym, met a friend for lunch, legs waxed etc... Just total relaxation. He came home today with the children and everythings shit again. He's being a cock. I stupidly thought he'd come back extremely apologetic (perhaps even a bunch of flowers) but nothing. Well, he says "I am sorry but...blah blah blah..." he even seriously twisted my words today which angered me so much.
I just want him out.
I feel nothing anymore.

[CarGirl]

Do you rent or own your flat?

[CarGirl]

I would book into relate if he won't go with you go on your own. YOur gp should be able to refer you to free individual counselling.

[Fruitbatlings]

We own it, well it's mortgaged anyway. Unfortunately both our names are on the papers. Can't seem to sell either, it was on the market for a year, just taken it off as fed up with the time wasters.

[Fruitbatlings]

I'm not sure councelling would help him. He thinks he's the normal one and I'm in the wrong. Even if the councellor told him otherwise, he would just think he/she was a twat

[CarGirl]

I don't think it would do any harm going to relate, at least you know and can prove that you tried, and if he decides they are a twat you can carry on going by yourself.

[Fruitbatlings]

I just called Relate. They have no evening or weekend appointments until the middle of April
I was offered telephone councelling but our land line is awful and we don't have loud speaker on our phone anyway.
They've got my contact details in case something comes up.
Is there another councelling company which doesn't cost the earth?

[CarGirl]

ASk your gp to refer you it would be individual but it may help you stay sane in the meantime! Most GPs can offer 6 sessions or so or refer to you somewhere that can.