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How would you respond to this?

11 replies

chocolatestar · 01/01/2010 08:50

DH and I are both on holliday and I usually get up with our DS in the morning. Last night I asked DH if I could have a lie in as I usually go to bed early and if I was going to stay up for new year I knew the morning would be painful. He said yes and promised he would so I stayed up and we had a great night.

Morning comes and he doesn't get up and I have to. This happens a lot. He is very bad at getting up in the morning. It used to make me feel angry when he did it but I don't have the energy for that now.

I don't know if it is the sort of thing I should just let go - it's not that important in the scheme of things. On the other hand it just feels really disrespectful to promise me something then not bother to do it. I would never dream of doing that to him. Also his sense of entitlement pisses me off - he always seems to think that he is the most tired and therefore should get to sleep and DS is my responsibility first. I did tell him once that it makes me feel horrible when he does stuff like this but it hasn't made any difference.

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BelleDameSansMerci · 01/01/2010 08:56

Seems to me that he's more selfish and inconsiderate than being deliberately disrespectful.

The sense of entitlement thing is a pretty big one though.

I think I would force the issue and wake him up and tell him to go and look after DS while you have a lie in. Perhaps you could even agree to do this once a week (or more) when you're back home?

I have a similar problem, by the way, but don't live with my DD's father. When we are all on holiday I usually get one (oooh, lucky me) lie in after forcing things.

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chocolatestar · 01/01/2010 09:02

Yes I think you are right but it is soooo frustrating. I am bloody tired and I would not have stayed up last night if I had known I would have to get up. I hate that I have to ask him for a lie in - like he is my bloody boss or something. There is no way I could wake him up though - he would just keep sleeping or tell me to go away or something.

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MummyTumble · 01/01/2010 09:11

Its a bit the same in this house and we've had some blazing rows about it in the past!

I went to bed at 11 last night as it's 'my turn' today. DH reckons he's not a morning person...but will happily stay up til all hours. I'm only a morning person cos i get myself to bed at a reasonable time...we sleep the same just at different times. We have now come to a compromise and i have my set days and he has his. He's in for trouble when the next baby comes along and he's up every morning with the older ones!

I find it disrespectful too that someone thinks they are more entitled than you ...for no real reason. I'd tell your DH thats he's out of order to promise then not get up. My DH would often get huffy if i'm falling asleep in the couch and go to bed early....

I tended to let it go, and started going to bed when i was tired, even if thats 8pm!!! He got the message and does far more mornings than he ever used to

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lizziemun · 01/01/2010 09:11

Go tell him to get up now and you go back to bed.

That's what I do.

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MummyTumble · 01/01/2010 09:13

Oh, and crying at 7pm out of exhaustion helped at times too....(i used to deal with all the night wakings and 5am starts too)

Made him feel very guilty

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MummyTumble · 01/01/2010 09:16

and lack of sex cos i'd be in bed and asleep way before him.....that got him noticing too

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CirrhosisByTheSea · 01/01/2010 09:16

I would sit there in bed prodding and raising my voice "DH YOUR TURN TO GET UP" until he bloody well got up

He's being a git to you, but you are being a mug to allow it, to be honest. All the time you DO get up, he will let you.

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chocolatestar · 01/01/2010 09:20

True, true - I am going to have a go at getting him up. Sometimes I feel like I have two kids - a moody teenager and DS. I have to do all the night stuff too although thankfully DS is finally getting pretty good at sleeping at night.

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MummyTumble · 01/01/2010 09:26

If I was in a particular strop about it i'd take the kids upstairs early and get them dressed etc and claim we had to go out/or wasn;t going to stay in all morning wasting the day...he might have been in bed but certainly wasn't getting any sleep with all the noise!!!

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autumnlight · 01/01/2010 11:54

Nothing would make my H help me with our two children when they were babies/toddlers. He would not even get up in the night, or first thing in the morning, when I had our son after having a c-section and emergency hysterectomy (to save my life) and coming home from the hospital in a very poorly state after two operations.

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chocolatestar · 01/01/2010 13:10

I got him up and he agreed that he was in the wrong. All good but I have heard it all before. He said it's a new year, new life but we shall see.

autumnlight that is just awful, I am so sorry.