Does anyone else have ultra-successful parents who they feel like they will never live up to?

[Kathyis12feethighandbites]

?
Because I do.

[madamim]

my dad successful and to be quite frank I've never scrubbed up to the mark, regardless of what I have or haven't done.Am having a fúckfull of family members right now, may go on a rampage telling them what a bunch of tits they are x

[Bigbadmummy]

Yes. My dad was incredibly successful, working his way up from the bottom.

I have never felt as though I measure up.

They dont act as though I don't mind you. THey are immensely proud and support of both the kids, and I. It is the feeling I have.

I still Hoover madly etc before they arrive and just feel whatever I do, it will never be enough.

I am a therapist's dream, I am sure.

[Kathyis12feethighandbites]

My dad also worked his way up from the bottom, whereas I have had every advantage.
Like Bigbadmummy they don't behave as if I'm a disappointment - (madamim, it sucks if your family do) however I know they had such high hopes for me once....
I hate not being able to give my children things that my parents gave us, unless they pay for it!

[PotPourri]

Mine were hard workers and managed to give us so much as we were growing up - and still do it now.

It does make me strive to work hard like them and give my kids the best - but I am also aware that we all make our own choices and there is so much more to life than 'success' like love and happiness - they don't go hand in hand you know.

[madamim]

kathy the thing is my dad was a manager, employer went bust so he's now self employed so he thinks he's wonderful. To me I am successful, I'm a sahm, yeah I work 8 hours a week in the spar for pocket money, my oh is only a factory worker but on a good wage, we can pay out mortagage, put dinner on the table, and can have few extras I'm proud, I'm 24 and self sufficient, yet my father just hasnt got the ability to say well done/ good job whatever.......... but the sun shines out of my bros arse who incidently doesnt talk to my dad, really screwed up situation x

[Kathyis12feethighandbites]

Madamim, you sound like YOU are happy with what you have achieved even if your dad isn't. It sounds to me like you are doing all right for 24 - you still have a lot of your life/career left to go....

[shonaspurtle]

Yes, and I know my mum worries about me a bit.

I made my choices though, and in many ways it was easier for my parents (they are not unusually successful for two professionals, but have material status markers that dh & I will probably never have), different times etc.

I did used to have a bit of a thing about it, especially as my younger brother has all those "things" (with the help of his v,v,v wealthy pil - and hard work) but now, meh. We'll be fine.

I've had experiences they didn't have, opportunities they didn't have, started later due to the former.

My feeling is that it's never a good idea to compare yourself to other people, and to bear in mind that they are probably not comparing themselves to you.

[Kathyis12feethighandbites]

yeah you're right Shona, it's not sensible!

[Bigbadmummy]

If any of you are interested this is a really insightful book: this

[Kathyis12feethighandbites]

Thanks Bigbadmummy.
However mine aren't controlling or toxic or anything like that - they are very very nice. The failures are all mine!

[Chrysanthemum5]

My FIL is very successful. Set up his own company which is very successful and employs a lot of people. However, he never makes me feel I can't measure up - although I am fairly poor at noticing the motives of others so he may be trying! My BIL (DH's sister's parter so another inlaw of FIL) sometimes makes asides about how he disappoints FIL, but he also doesn't really care!

[Bigbadmummy]

But Kathy, they are not failures.

By feeling we are not successful enough for our parents, they are controlling us.

I didnt think that book related to me until I read it and whilst a lot of it does relate to the stereotypical controlling (read bullying) parent, alot of it was relevant to how our parents make us feel now.

Though they dont actually make us feel that way.

[Kathyis12feethighandbites]

it does sound interesting then Bigbadmummy - thanks.